What if it is a problem?

[katie_21]

Ok, so let's say a fairly new sub is having difficulty excepting that her online Master has more then one other girl?

Alright no BS here..lol I'm not usually the jealous type, but I want Him all to myself. I couldn't possibly ask him to get rid of the other girls, as they were here before I was...even alive lol. But, how does one overcome the great insecurity of "What if I'm not enough? What if I'm not good enough?"

I guess life is hard...either vanilla or BDSM lol.

[pejanon]

if you are wondering:"What if I'm not enough? What if I'm not good enough?"
maybe you wolud be wondering the same thing no matter if there were other subs or not. I think your Master should show you that you are unique and special in your own way.

But i understand your angle. Like a competition? haaard

[Rabbit1]

yes it is hard to be one of many ----but I am sure you have your own unique ways that the others do not ---and maybe they feel the same way about you ----I am sure they feel if they were enough for the master why does he need a new sub

so put that thought in your mind and it may help you thru it

[Uncle_Ed]

. But, how does one overcome the great insecurity of "What if I'm not enough? What if I'm not good enough?"

Heather-perhaps you could change your introspective questions to

"What if he's not enough? What if he's not good enough for me?"

If you can look for a balance then you may come to conclude you're OK as you are.

I think a lot us here reckon you are.

[Master_GITRDONE]

I agree with what everyone has said so far in this thread. Besides that if you wasn't special, then why would he need you? I think this is something that you need to talk to him about.

[katie_21]

Thanks everyone, I definately have some thinking to do now!

[RedSilk]

I know for my Master and I it was a matter of me realizing that the relationship that he has with me is different than the relationship that he has with anyone else. I had to see that I was obviously special to him because he kept coming back and interacting with me. I needed to realize that he was spending time with me because he wanted me. In turn I also realized that whoever else he was spending time with what we have is different and special too and that there is nothing to be jealous about. Granted, I always want him to myself and there are days when I get frustrated when he's playing with someone else and not me, but if it's really bad, I simply talk to him about it. There is always some little thing that reminds me that he loves me and that he wants me no matter what.

I think as long as you can see that he cares for you Heather, and that he makes time to spend with you, you don't have to worry about the other girls cause he's obviously still coming to you. I don't think it has to do with you not being enough either. It's all about experiencing different things. It's nice to play with different people every once in awhile.

I don't know if this helped at all, but I hope so. Feel free to pm me if you like.

[katie_21]

Thanks RedSilk, I do feel a little better now

[Tojo]

So there's some pretty smart people here by the looks of it.

All I can say is that there's few people in this world that are cared for as much as I care for you, my girl.

You are unique, & special.

Tojo- a very lucky man indeed.

[RedSilk]

Aw, that's SO sweet and often just what an insecure sub needs to hear Tojo! I know that pretty much does it for me when I'm feeling that way!

[katie_21]

Thanks Tojo, that is very sweet. I guess since I don't even come first in my marriage I'd like to be first somewhere lol

But after all that's been said and done, you're definately the best friend I've ever had.

[Tojo]

Never mind being first, second or whatever- be yourself.

Once you see what a lovely person you truly are, you'll be wondering If I'm enough for you missy.

Besides- & here's a point everyone missed, a pupil is only as good as their teacher. If I do my job right, you'll be just perfect.

No, hang on- you're already just perfect.

Tojo

[katie_21]

I don't want to be the first, second or whatever...I want to be the ONLY lol

And I think we both know that I'm far from perfect!

[His_pita]

I think you said it all when you said you want to be the "only"

Why settle for anything else then? Being alone is really better then what you are putting yourself through. You are in agony with want and need and your Dom isn't giving you either it seems.

I'm like you and had to be the only one. There is no way I would have accepted my Joe having others while he was with me. I also know he feels the same about me. You define your wants and needs and don't settle for anything else. Good luck to you.

[Tojo]

You define your wants and needs and don't settle for anything else.

Good advice for sure.

I'd better point out that Heather & I are married, & not to each other- our life together is online & on the phone.

Ah, if only....

Tojo

[Ozme52]

pita, you are also discounting a variety of viable, loving relationships that go beyond, but can include the D/s relationship, whether online or in real life. There are many many people who are not monogamous (whether married or not,) who have wonderful closeness and love.

Polyamories, communal, and modern siraglios just to name a few.

I say, why not.

You eliminate possibilities if you close your mind to them.

[katie_21]

Well it's not like I want to trade him in or anything. I just need help coping with the fact that I'm not his only.

[Warbaby1943]

Well it's not like I want to trade him in or anything. I just need help coping with the fact that I'm not his only.

From what I have read in many posts since joining recently I think you are coping well and it is very apparent that "he" cares very much for you. So by now I hope you have resolved your dilemma and have found happiness with Tojo.

[Tojo]

We're doing our best to work something out.

I still care for katie like I've never cared for anyone, & I know it's not one-sided- she's got all the time she needs.

Something like this doesn't come along every day.


Tojo

[Warbaby1943]

Something like this doesn't come along every day.


Tojo

You gotta hang on to it then.

[Tojo]

You gotta hang on to it then.

Oh you better believe it! Thanks WB.

Tojo