Level Two- tessa's second assignment

[tessa]

Ok, I started a few stories but just couldn't get through them without spell checking them. I was so anxious about it all. Then I wrote about meeting Red and that just flowed right out. I got to the end and realized that I had just typed and forgotten all about grammar and spelling rules. I just typed what I was feeling. So this reliving of events is what I submit for this assignment. I hope that's ok. My next assignment will be a short story, promise.
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The Meeting

Let me just say first off that wanting to meet someone from the online side of things has never really been part of it for me. I guess I thought my face-to-face life and my online life weren’t meant to merge. Then along comes this vibrantly bright star in the form of Flaming Redhead. We became acquainted through our postings at the Library. I respected what she had to say in her postings and I was particularly appreciative of her sarcastic frame of mind. When she started a thread about other like-minds from Georgia figuring out a way to meet, I responded, but didn’t really think much would come of it. But I was drawn to her, so I kept the thought of getting together in the back of my mind.

We did actually make plans to meet one weekend, but life as it is had other ideas. We had talked enough on the phone for me to know that she was indeed someone I’d love to actually meet. She let it be known that she was free, so I asked her if she’d be willing to meet me the following weekend. If I remember correctly, her response was “Hell yeah! Woohoo!” or something similar. The day we’d planned to meet was a busy one for me and by the time I was able to leave, I was running a bit late. No big surprise there, but I didn’t want to be late! In my car, flying down the highway, I was wondering just how the evening would go. Would she like me? Would she regret saying “yes”? Would we really hit it off? I must have been into some deep thought because I never saw that state patrolman until his blue lights were flashing in the rearview. I had to shift gears (ha! pun intended) to make sure this went as smoothly as possible so I could be back on my way.

“No, Officer, I had no idea I was going that much over the speed limit. Over by a little, yes, but not that much. Really? How irresponsible of me not to notice. I am a most conscientious driver, I assure you (which I am, just like speeding is all). Sure, I’ll wait right here while you check it all out.”

All that nice patrolman did was warn me to slow down. Well, he made me a few minutes late, but that was okay. I called Red and she was running late too! More than me even! I knew we’d be fast friends after that!

There were people all over the place at the mall. I’d seen her picture and knew to look for red hair. I scanned the area in front of the restaurant where we were meeting, but I didn’t see her. In the spirit of telling it all, my heart was beating a mile a minute and I had those lovely butterflies flitting in my stomach. Then I saw her outside, walking towards the doors. She was by the restaurant as I made my way towards her. Our eyes met. She got a big smile from me and I got a big smile from her. We hugged all over each other. I couldn’t stop looking at her. As I said, I’d seen her picture, knew she was attractive, but she translates in person so differently than in her picture. It’s her eyes. They are a vivid green and spectacularly expressive. That’s what comes across when you see her up close and personal, that spark of light that flashes there. That same spark is in her smile. It lights up her face. Her hair- a shade of red that reminded me of a gorgeous evening sunset. And she’s tiny- this little fireball of a girl! Delicate hands that I could so imagine being cuffed to something. Pretty ankles that were made for a length of rope to be wrapped around each one. Oh yes, I can't fail to mention her booty- a tight little round ass that begs to be smacked! She packs a punch when looking at her. All over sexy, I’d have to say.

During dinner, I couldn’t take my eyes off her. I just wanted to stare. It’s a treat watching her talk. You’ve heard the expression, “talks with her hands”. Well, this girl talks with her body! It is something to see! I couldn’t have been enjoying myself anymore than I was. We must have been sending out waves of positive energy. Our waitress even commented on it, how much fun we seemed to be. Our twin drinks came (yummy they were!). The conversation just flowed- we had so much in common with each other. I will say this. It was wonderful to sit and talk with someone whose jaw didn’t drop to the floor when spankings or being tied up were mentioned.

After dinner, we went shopping, one very good way to spend time, in my opinion. We had a rather fabulous time looking over corsets and thongs and lingerie. The highlight of my evening was getting to zip her up in the corsets she tried on. I kind of barged right in her dressing room. I just had to see her in that corset! She didn’t seem to mind. It was just like we’d known each other for always! No weirdness, no awkward feelings. Being with Red just felt right.

Our evening together was over much too soon. When we left, we at least got to walk out to the parking lot together because out of the almost 10,000 parking spaces at this particular mall, we parked only one row away from each other.

I’m confident we will see each other again soon, for so many personal reasons, but mainly because I owe her 60 cents. She says it doesn't matter to her, but I've heard about her flogger. I don't want to mess with that one!

Or maybe I do.

[anonymouse]

Hi Tessa,

I really love the conversational tone of this piece. It starts as narrative but seemlessly morphs into a conversation directly with the audience (me). You say at the outset, 'I had just typed and forgotten all about grammar and spelling' -- I'll leave the nitpicking to others, but the only thing that really stood out to me was a slight overuse of exclamation marks. Your words are strong enough to express things without them, in most instances where you've used them.

I especially liked the way you finished the story: 'I owe her 60 cents....Or maybe I do.' There is something so real in that, I am still smiling as I think about it

anonymouse

[suchaminx]

tessa

You did it again I loved it it almost felt like I was there with you both .............drifts off into a dream world wishing I had been.

Well done ~smiles and hugs~

minxy xx

[Aussiegirl1]

Thanks tessa,

I might not get time to review this for a few days, but know I have seen it and will get back to it as soon as I can.

[Rhabbi]

Tessa,

This is an excellant story, you did a wonderful job with it. I loved the tone, and could feel the sexual tension even though there was no sex. I personally liked the way you omitted description, I think that it adds to the story when a person can imagine whatever they want. One thing that really intrigued me was that I do not even know the sex of the narrator, even though I know it was you. This truly allows me to imagine the myself in the story. Thank you for the entertainment you brought my day.

[tessa]

Thanks for the lovely comments all. This truly was not meant for here, but once it was done, I thought 'why not?' This seems the place to take risks, safely so.

anonymouse, I appreciate you pointing out the ! issue. I need to watch being so casual and effusive in my writing. I'm trying, but since I tend to be that way in my everyday, it carries over into my writing. Anything else you might suggest to help with that? I'd love to hear from you.

Rhabbi, your comments make me smile. I am very glad you enjoyed it.

minxy, I'm just going to hope for that meeting with you one day. It's only the Atlantic Ocean, for goodness sake. ~hugs~

tessa

[anonymouse]

anonymouse, I appreciate you pointing out the ! issue. I need to watch being so casual and effusive in my writing. I'm trying, but since I tend to be that way in my everyday, it carries over into my writing. Anything else you might suggest to help with that? I'd love to hear from you.

Hi Tessa,

I understand what you mean (casual and effusive). I can get the same way too. The 'over use' of exclamation marks I referred to really only occur in this paragraph:

All that nice patrolman did was warn me to slow down. Well, he made me a few minutes late, but that was okay. I called Red and she was running late too! More than me even! I knew we’d be fast friends after that!

I've marked in red the ones I'd remove. Two exclamation marks -- hardly worth mentioning, but they stood out to me

[H Dean]

Well, Tessa, you did a good job here! I especially liked the part where the patrolman took you from your car, cuffed you to the hood and had his way with you. Wait, that was just in my head! My bad!

Anyhow, I have no complaints about this tale or how it was presented!It flowed well and fit right in line with all the necessary momentum to keep a reader going!

By the way, you stated that Flaming Redhead is a rehead?! I am very happy to see that you have such command of the obvious! Heh!

Dean!

[tessa]

Well, Tessa, you did a good job here! I especially liked the part where the patrolman took you from your car, cuffed you to the hood and had his way with you. Wait, that was just in my head! My bad!

I had just taken a sip of water as I started reading this. Warn a girl, Mr. Dean! Oh right, you don't do that.

Anyhow, I have no complaints about this tale or how it was presented!It flowed well and fit right in line with all the necessary momentum to keep a reader going!

Careful, Mr, Dean. anonymouse is gonna tag all those exclamatory thingees of yours in red. Hmm, that sounds kinda kinky. Bet it'd be loads of fun.

By the way, you stated that Flaming Redhead is a rehead?! I am very happy to see that you have such command of the obvious! Heh!

Can we use the term "smartass" to refer to a particular person in the Forums? No? Okay, I won't. (and pssst, it's redhead)

Dean!

Oh, Mr. Dean? Your point is showing.

[anonymouse]

Careful, Mr, Dean. anonymouse is gonna tag all those exclamatory thingees of yours in red.

hehe -- I noticed them but thought it would be too cheeky of me to mention. ;-)

[tessa]

Too cheeky? Never. Mr. Dean prefers cheeky. Or is it cheeks? Oh bother, I just can't recall which it is. Maybe it's both? Let me try that out- Mr. Dean prefers cheeky cheeks. Hey now, I think that's it!

~looks over at anonymouse and giggles~

[anonymouse]

lol!

~giggles and wiggles~

[H Dean]

I am so glad my smart assed ! did not go without the proper notice.

[tessa]

I am so glad my smart assed ! did not go without the proper notice.

~checks out Mr. Dean's oh so prominent !~

It was noticed. My, my...yes, it was noticed.

[anonymouse]

Me LQQKS at Mr Dean's !

[Mad Lews]

Hi tessa,
I read through it and liked the style. relaxed conversational and fairly tight. most everything either contributed to our understanding of (pick one) you, Red, (a green eyed redhead ya say) or else moved the action along. And ya did it all without that gift from the godlings (the spell checker) all I can say is I'm not sure I'd make it through this assignment without trying to look up godling.
Mad (& Lews)

[Aussiegirl1]

Nice one tessa!

Despite the fact you found it hard at first to get used to not using the spell checker, you did a great job. It seems that once you forgot about the task and just wrote from your heart, you were fine.

There are no major changes needed. As annoymouse pointed out, watch out for the use of too many explanation marks. You have a good grasp of commas, and I found only one place where one is needed instead of a full stop, and that after "this" in the following sentences.

I will say this. It was wonderful to sit and talk with someone whose jaw didn’t drop to the floor when spankings or being tied up were mentioned.

I loved the atmosphere of the story, and could relate so well to the anticipation of meeting someone you know online. It flowed very well and I wished I was there with you!

Thanks again and you can move onto the third assignment as soon as you wish.

[tessa]

Hey, Mad Lews? You can look up my godling any time you want to.

Thank you Aussiegirl, for your time in evaluating this and for your comments. Both very much appreciated by me.

On to assignment 3. I'm bringing sexy back, I think. Wickedly so, I hope.

[Mad Lews]

Hey, Mad Lews? You can look up my godling any time you want to.

Jee tessa,
What kind of pervert do you take me for?
Lews

[tessa]

Jee tessa,
What kind of pervert do you take me for?
Lews

The really, really good kind.

[Aussiegirl1]

Hey, Mad Lews? You can look up my godling any time you want to.

Thank you Aussiegirl, for your time in evaluating this and for your comments. Both very much appreciated by me.

On to assignment 3. I'm bringing sexy back, I think. Wickedly so, I hope.

Thanks tessa, it is a real pleasure to do this job when I have lovely students like you!

Sexy and wicked, by favourite combination LOL Looking forward to it already!

[H Dean]

As annoymouse pointed out, watch out for the use of too many explanation marks.

What's an explanation mark?

[Aussiegirl1]

What's an explanation mark?

It was all a very well planned trick to see how observant my students were of course! LOL

Don't believe that? ..................... OH well, I guess it is lucky I have a week off, my brain needs it! H Dean, I submit for my flogging, just be gentle with me

[Mad Lews]

It was all a very well planned trick to see how observant my students were of course! LOL

Don't believe that? ..................... OH well, I guess it is lucky I have a week off, my brain needs it! H Dean, I submit for my flogging, just be gentle with me

A gentle flogging? Administered by a gentleman I suppose??
Oh no, it's Mr. Dean!
To quote Tessa, "mind if I watch?"


Mad

[Aussiegirl1]

A gentle flogging? Administered by a gentleman I suppose??
Oh no, it's Mr. Dean!
To quote Tessa, "mind if I watch?"


Mad

LOL Well, so long as you don't want to pick up the flogger too, you are welcome to watch!

I can see I might be in a bit of trouble with hoping Mr Dean would be gentle, but then if you can't trust a friend to look after you, who can you trust? Mind you, if that growl is any indication of what to expect............... even friendship might not save me!

[anonymouse]

It's one of those wonderful english language slips, where the wrong words actually better describe something than the correct ones. Another example is candlestine affair.

[tessa]

~points to anonymouse~ I like her.

Thanks so much, Aussiegirl, for those kind words! You take the time to help us out here and you make it fun! As for my next assignment, wicked sexy is slow in coming, but it's coming- sooner rather than later I am hoping.

~points to Mr. Dean in case he's looking~ Don't say it.

Hey, Mad & Lews? Which one of you is going to look up my godling? I'm waiting...got all ready for it and everything. Hey, maybe you could both do it? But not at the same time. That'd be just too much!

~runs back to tack on a "please" at the end of my Mr. Dean statement 'cause his feathers don't look as good ruffled up~

[H Dean]

The flogging shall commence, presently(Explanation mark)

[tessa]

~claps and cheers~ Oh, goody(explaining double exclamations) Can I watch?

[H Dean]

Growl!