Bravado... or lack thereof

[vistana]

I just need to share, and I don't have anyone around at the moment who will appreciate this...

I'm in the middle of an awesome IM flirtation and getting terribly hot under the collar. There's no agreement between me & this guy, except the understanding that at some point he is going to reduce me to a whimpering pile. So we flirt. A lot.
And when I'm on MSN I am full of bravado. I do my very best to not let him know when he's getting to me. So while I'm sitting here going 'oh boy!' i need to tell someone or I'll crack and let him know that the bravado is at most a thin facade at the moment.

We'll be having a reasonably civil conversation and he drops in lines like, 'you'll want to remember that when you're begging me to let you go.' in the middle of something totally mundane and vanilla.

And then there was this little gem -

mr. sadist says:
you're giving a sadist an unlimited timeframe to do whatever he wants to find out what he wants..
mr. sadist says:
not only is he going to succeed... he's going to have fun at the same time

mr. sadist says:
you'll whimper, you'll probably scream and cry, you'll beg, and bargain, but in the end, all that will be left is to crack


i can't even remember what it is he wants to find out...

That's all, just a rambly post because I'm all hot and bothered and doing my best not to tell him that.

[MsUther]

Ooh.... sounds like some hot convo you two got going
I understand the not wanting to let him know how much it affects you, atm atleast. And thats a great part of all the fun, to try surfing on top of things that you really just want to cave in on emediatly.
Heres for hot and bothered

[cariad]

Now, I have a sneaky suspicion that he may know exactly what he is doing to you, and is probably enjoying every moment of it.

cariad

[Warbaby1943]

I agree that he knows exactly what he is doing and I think you're in for some fun. Glad you shared it but now I'll have to keep an eye out to see how it all plays out. Have fun, I know you will. Could be he would like to know that you're "getting terribly hot under the collar." I know I would!

[frankee]

Yep, he knows what kind of an effect he has on you lol. Enjoy it, sounds like you're having fun!

[Silke]

*grins* will you keep us posted, please?

[vistana]

Now, I have a sneaky suspicion that he may know exactly what he is doing to you, and is probably enjoying every moment of it.

cariad

oh yes, I'm sure he does. :P

Everytime I cave and give him a more outright indication that he's said something to make me squirm he just says 'oh I know' - so I stopped!

i will update this as things continue to get interesting... I'm actually going to his house in about 5 minutes... although there will be people about, it's a friendly thing.

eeep....

[MsUther]

Meeep!! You lucky girl!

[chattel69]

my problem is I can talk all nice and good online but when I get to real time my nervous and anxiety make me all thumbs.

[vistana]

my problem is I can talk all nice and good online but when I get to real time my nervous and anxiety make me all thumbs.

Same... he was entertained. Said my lack of eloquence was cute. Cute! hmph...

Really, I cannot complain. Well, not seriously. I have been with this guy twice now, on Friday and Sunday. Friday he discovered I was ticklish, which resulted in a struggle and violent take-down. Ended up buck-naked and whimpering while he was composed and fully clothed. Played with me for a while, said, 'You didn't cum, did you?' and then 'Good. Get dressed, we need to get going.'

i think I stopped twitching about 4 hours later.

Then today I spent several hours hanging out with him and a couple other people - and he was fun and solicitous - actually pulled a chair out for me at the restaurant, which succeeded only in making me very nervous. Eventually we got alone and I got a heavier rope bondage experience than I've done in the past and man! Now I know what people are talking about! Very very lovely, and some nice marks which my roommates were kind enough to pointedly ignore after I got home...

Add in some gorgeous bruises on my breasts and I am one happy camper. I am having a very good time with this guy, he's finding my buttons, not trying to do everything at once, and we're both having fun.

Excuse me, I need to go admire my bruises again.

[cariad]

Ohhhhhhh, I feel all warm and 'wooshy' inside having read that. I do love the combination of charm, solicitous courtesy, intelligent conversation and humour and the painstaking careful and patient application of bruises. Works every time.

Enjoy your bruises....

cariad

[Silke]

*big grin* Does he have a twin brother...who's...umm...single? *drools*

Sounds like you're having a wonderful time - I'm looking forward to the next installment of this story...

[~hellish one~]

my problem is I can talk all nice and good online but when I get to real time my nervous and anxiety make me all thumbs.

my problem is similar...

online i find it easier to communicate and express myself with no problem. but then in r/t i get so shy that i just clam right up!! it's like pulling teeth to get a word out of me. lol

Excuse me, I need to go admire my bruises again.

you go girl!! you lucky thing you! ~fanning myself from reading your posts~

[vistana]

Oh man, I am having a very good time these days.

just, guh. I'm fairly inarticulate this evening.

It's quite fun starting out a relationship like this. My BDSM in the past has been with someone that I was already sexually involved with, so it was always just an accessory to the sex life. With this guy, we haven't had sex yet. The first couple times we played around there were no orgasms on either part. I got smacked around and toyed with and beaten on, and teased, but nothing extremely sexual.
Today there was a blow job, which was wonderful, and he made me masturbate while he watched and told me what a slut I was. And those made the first orgasms of our play.
It's just very interesting, having the pain play come before the sex. Different and very cool.

The fun discovery of today was what happens when I get slapped on the face. Whole slew of reactions went through my head, first an outraged 'hey!' that never quite got anywhere before I felt myself just drop. One or two levels closer to subspace. A couple smacks and I momentarily felt tears start to well up, which surprised the heck out of me. They only barely started beforing disappearing again though, leaving me feeling off balance and oh so submissive.
*sigh* yeah... I'm not thinking so good tonight.

And there are plans for me to spend large portions of this weekend tied up in his basement. I'm gonna hurt.

[orchid]

fantastic conversation
i love the comment that the only thing left will be to cave
i can see why you are all hot under the collar!!

yummy!

[vistana]

It seems much longer ago than it really was when this whole thing started. Hard to believe it's only been a month or so since I started seeing him...

He continues to attack my bravado, it really doesn't stand a chance. i feel nervous and in over my head just about every week. He messes with my head and enjoys anything that gets a reaction from me. He's egotistical and infuriatingly good at winning arguments. We're almost always arguing about something, and his favourite way to win is to just either gag me or make me otherwise incapable of logical argument. He teases me and pushes me and makes me uncomfortable and he drives me crazy.

And it's been a very long time since I've been this consistently silly-giddy happy.

I call him a sadistic bastard, and adorable because it drives him crazy. He calls me whatever strikes his fancy at the moment, if it makes me squirm so much the better. I told him I could deal with a multi-faceted personality, he didn't always have to be a sadistic bastard, and he called me a chore, and the best thing that's happened to him in quite a while.

He gives me massages after a long day at work, then leaves welts on my thighs that take 2 weeks to fade. Slaps me until my eyes fill with tears, and tracks down and buys an obscure album I really wanted but couldn't find myself.
We're both learning what he can do to me, how far he can push... most recently it was orgasm control, none for a weekend, and I have to ask everytime when I'm with him. Before that was the discovery that I get off on humiliation. fun *cough* has been had with that one...
He loves to hurt me, but will put that aside to torture me in other ways when it seems appropriate... Today we're going shopping with the goal of picking up a new flogger or paddle, and he's said that he won't beat me with it until I beg. And beg well, which will be even more of a challenge, given how terribly incoherent I go when submitting. I won't hold out long, I'm craving that beating already.

This is by far the most kink-heavy relationship I've been in, and it's incredible. We challenge eachother, sometimes i fight him, struggle to submit, and other times there's nothing more comfortable than sitting on the floor in front of his couch wrapped in a blanket with his hand stroking my hair.

[Flaming_Redhead]

*sigh* Is it rude to be jealous?

[vistana]

alas and alack, no decent paddle was found, although I hefted a heavy leather flogger for the first time and now very badly want to be hit with one... it'll just have to wait until they're either less expensive or we have more money. But damn, just holding the thing turned me on.

Although two developments tonight, one good and one... ambiguous?
First, he decided that he is going to teach me to beg properly, which he will enjoy immensely and I will squirm over.
Secondly, and more decidedly awesome, he's now offically not just 'that guy I'm seeing', but an actual boyfriend. Although the word does feel funny when much of our relationship consists of things far less innocent than boyfriend somehow implies...
still makes me terrifically happy.

[moptop]

i think I stopped twitching about 4 hours later.

Excuse me, I need to go admire my bruises again.

oooh I'm all squishy inside! I'm selfishly pleased you didn't have anyone to share with right then... we can all enjoy the pleasure and the lovely pain you're going through...

alas and alack, no decent paddle was found, although I hefted a heavy leather flogger for the first time and now very badly want to be hit with one... it'll just have to wait until they're either less expensive or we have more money.

Isn't shopping together just such fun? Now you're official boyfriend-girlfriend, you can both start saving together for your future, which surely your mum would approve. Although she might not have quite the same future in mind...

[cariad]

Oh vistina, I so loved reading your post at the top of this page. Makes me feel all happy and squishy inside.

Hugs - I am so so happy for you!

cariad

[~hellish one~]

i hope it's not rude, red!! if so then we can be rude together! ~laughs~ cuz i'm jealous too!! lucky girl!! and lucky him for finding YOU!! ~smiles~

[RickBulow74]

*Reading this thread, wondering if the man has a single sister of legal age*

[Brittykat]

This makes me want to do the happy dance for you. But I'll settle for telling you how happy I am for you.

[vistana]

first off I should say thanks to all the people who said nice things that I forgot to reply to.


Yesterday I was a smartass. Normally that's all well and good, but I was a bit cockier about it than usual while we were chatting. Of course he couldn't let me get away with that, before I know it I'm on no orgasms until otherwise stated.

3 times today i have been reduced to incoherent begging. The last time there were also tears. I'm twitching, barely stopped whimpering, and don't know if I'll manage to get any sleep at all tonight. And I've been promised that tomorrow I will have a chance to earn that orgasm, but I will need to work for it.

Earlier I was offered a chance to cum tonight, if I could name all the prime numbers betweeen 1-100 in order. In less than 3 minutes. I made it to 79. Did I mention he had his finger circling my clit at the time?
Bloody sadists....

so here i sit, incredibly turned on, no hope of relief for I'd guess at least another 16 hours. And what do I do? Come onto the forum and read a steamy thread about what other people are getting up to!
it's going to be a looong night...
*whimper*

[moptop]

so here i sit, incredibly turned on, no hope of relief for I'd guess at least another 16 hours. And what do I do? Come onto the forum and read a steamy thread about what other people are getting up to!
it's going to be a looong night...
*whimper*

Oh, Vistana, I do send giggles & sympathy your way! seeing your post on my recent thread... sorry... but let's hope that round about now you are finally getting that wonderful orgasm you've been so begging for! and another. And some more great stuff besides.

[vistana]

I *finally* got the orgasm about 12 hours after your post...

He had me absolutely terrified that I was going to have to wait even longer. Decided to put whether or not I came today down to a coin toss!
I think I might have completely lost it if I'd lost the toss, but thank god, it came up heads. Then of course I nearly did lose my mind. I swear that orgasm lasted a full minute. And it was only the first of many over the rest of the night.

So now I'm all giggly and giddy and it's such a relief. About 48 hours of orgasm denial and I was a twitching babbling wreck. Denial with teasing I can handle. But this was inhuman. To the brink over and over again.
He was extremely entertained by watching me convulse and whimper and babble. thought it was great fun to set challenges I had no chance of reaching, tell me I could cum if I managed them and then watch me struggle anyways.
Damn that was a hot 48 hours...

[cookiecat]

Damn that was a hot 48 hours...

Damn this is a hot thread. Thanks for sharing it vistana!

[moptop]

Yup, hoping for some more updates, Vistana!

[vistana]

updates, hmm? Let me see what I can think of, just because you asked

He ordered some hitty things from The London Tanners - won't tell me what they are! So sometime in the next week or so various leather implements will arrive, and I will go through a world of hurt. Looking forward to it with just a wee bit of trepidation.

Yesterday.... yesterday was fun.
Ski mask as hood, tape over the eye holes, ear plugs, ball gag. I have a love/hate relationship with that hood. It feels objectifying and dehumanizing, and makes me very hot. I had almost all my senses cut off or limited, except for touch. and with a collar around my throat and the ski mask pressing slightly on my nose I was very aware of how vulnerable a position it was.
Then it got even better. out came the rope, and the locking cuffs. Tied to a chair, hands behind me, legs spread open, breasts bound, almost completely unable to move. Oh, and the rope running from the back of the collar down to my ankles meant I couldn't move my head without applying pressure to my throat.
My charming sadistic bastard of a boyfriend then proceeded to spend the next hour applying unpredictable doses of cane, belt, and soft kisses on any patch of skin he could get at. At times he'd just leave me sitting there without touching me. Needless to say, I was bruised, whimpering, and more than just a little bit wet.
Then, more fun! I discovered that orgasms whilst one is pushing against something around one's neck leads to good feelings and very strong orgasms indeed. Although after the first couple he took off the collar, which meant that I didn't have anything holding me back from thrashing about as much as I desired. And then boom! orgasm 4 or 5 I squirted. First time ever, no G-spot, this was purely clit. Not a big squirt, but pretty unmistakable for what it was.

He did untie me until after I'd come down from it all. I just keep falling more and more in love with rope. Luverly stuff it is. So yeah... that was a good day.


And then there was today. Featuring nipple clamps that made me cry, mind games, a hogtie (I'm in love with hogties. they send me flying every time), fear and helplessness, and fun with air supply.
I feel so spoiled.

good enough update for ya, moptop?

[slaveangel{HM}]

I always find my way back to this thread, each and everytime

Thankyou for sharing your life and experiences. I love reading up on it.