Climax control?

[Rectangle66]

I have a slight problem. I finally get a lady that smart, funny, beautiful, and LOVES SEX!!! She's even willing to try out a 'few' of my perversions. (I emailed her the anal one!!) Anyway, after many years of being a horny bastard, but alone, I masturbated ALOT!! I also have this deep seated FEAR of having kids. Don't have any, don't want any. (I'm 40yo) So here's the problem, I CAN'T climax when I'm inside of her. In the couple of months we've
been together, I think I've manged it twice, maybe three times. I've had a vasectomy, and she's on birth control. So that takes care of the kid problem. I think it's that I've spent so many years masturbating, that I've 'de-sensitized' myself. Because if she helps me with a 'private party', I have no problem having a climax. The 'private parties' have stopped. The only time that happens now is when I'm with her. But I still usually end up masturbating, or having her do it. (which is cool) So anyone have any ideas?
If you have any questions, or need me to expand on this, just let me know.
Thanks in advance!!!

Craig

[lily27]

Make a pact with yourself that your next orgasm will be from intercourse. No matter what. It may take a few (or many) tries, but after much frustration, you will get there. It really is no more that re-training yourself.

You could try building up with a "private party" until you are an 8 or so on a scale of 10..... then switch to intercourse.

That is how I learned to have g-spot orgasms. I wasn't allowed to have clitoral ones until I figured it out. And it worked.

Good luck!!

[Rectangle66]

I have done something like that. Sometimes when I couldn't climax, instead
of having her 'help' me, I would wait until later in the in the day, or the next day/night, whatever. Could make for a VERY frustrating time. The good thing about this though, is that I LAST quite a while. I don't usually stop until my back/legs hurt too much. So sometimes I make it for 20-30 minutes. I told her to be careful what she wished for. If we fix this, I might become one of those '30 second' guys!!!!

Thanks

Craig

[gregor2001us]

Here are some random thoughts for you to consider. From a sub male who loves to be denied. And someone who has found and experienced foreskin restoration. Just to give you some of my background.

I would love to be in your situation, where I was not able to climax inside my Domme. Of course I also want to cum when she gives me permission, but maybe your problem is close to another person's wish?

You say you are in your 40s. You didn't mention whether you are normal or circumcised, fit or out of shape. And you don't say whether masturbation is taking longer or more effort. So take what I am about to say as food for though, no more. I am not trying to start a debate about circumcision, just give you my experience and understanding in case it may help. I hope it will be useful as an alternative to your hypothesis that years of masturbation have resulted in this condition.

In my 40s, I vagually sensed a gradual decline in how easy it was for me to climax either by masturbation or intercourse. But since it was gradual, and since I am so good at masturbating, it was less evident with masturbation. And it was subtle, slow and I didn't really notice it much. Like when you have a puppy or child and someone comes to visit who hasn't seen you all for a while and remarks how big they have gotten.

In my late 40s I found out that it was possible to restore your foreskin by the same technique used by body modifiers and surgeons. Skin put under tension for long enough grows additional skin. I still don't know why I was so captivated by it back then, but I embarked on it. It has been successful, though I am not finished.

More importantly, I have experienced a huge increase in how easy it is to climax. In the past I would have to expend a great deal of energy and fantasizing to reach climax by my hand. Intercourse left me panting and wiped out. I even had to stop for rests at times for both intercourse and masturbation. Now I cum with ease and it is sensually relaxing. So it is clear to me that a normal penis with a foreskin works much easier and takes much less effort than a circumcised one. So it may simply be that (assuming you are circumcised) that you are at the point where things are getting more difficult for you in terms of reaching climax.

By the way, I have until 5 years ago, masturbated to climax frequently, my estimate would be more than once a day, sometimes 3 or 4 times a day, and I remember once climaxing 8 times in one day. I had sex relatively late in life (mid 30s) and had similar worries about masturbation causing problems when I got to have intercourse. I couldn't detect any problems.

Regards,

[ShadowyFox]

Considering the frequency with which you've masturbated, desensitization is quite a possibility. Trying going without masturbation for maybe 2 or 3 days, and let the only sexual stimulation be intercourse. It may help you.

[slave327-834-200]

In my late 40s I found out that it was possible to restore your foreskin by the same technique used by body modifiers and surgeons. Skin put under tension for long enough grows additional skin. I still don't know why I was so captivated by it back then, but I embarked on it. It has been successful, though I am not finished.

As I say often - every day is a school day!
I have learnt something new today and its with a smile I say congratulations!!

[Ruby]

Craig,

You are not alone in having this type of climaxing conundrum.

I believe its more mental than physical at this point. It's become a habit to come outside rather than inside of your lady. There must be a trigger that allows you to do this act and have difficulty with the other.

When you are having intercourse, are you in any particular role of dom or sub? I ask, because you've listed yourself as a switch.

You may need to go deep inside your mind to give yourself permission to ejaculate within her.

If she's in the top role, have her command you to do so.
If you are in the top role, tell her you are going to mark her as yours, or whatever turns you on and gets you past this point.

Are you using a condom?
That may help get past the barriers and lingering concerns of fathering a child.

With patience, practice and time, you'll be able to "train yourself" and implant new triggers to acheive your goal.

To your success,

Ruby