top Dom, bottom sub?

**subbaby** · 01-01-2007

:
So I still consider myself new so I keep asking questions. What is the difference between a top/bottom relationship and a D/s relationship? What's the difference between a slave and a sub?

**Timberwolf** · 01-01-2007

I can only speak to my own use of the terminology but I consider Top/bottom to simply be a genderless way of getting around having to say Dom/Domme to distinguish the male from the female. It's just shorter to type Top/bottom. There might be a more complicated explanation to it, but that's how I've been using it anyway.

The difference between slave and sub... I think that can be a more complicated definition. I'll leave it to someone with more experience than me to answer that one.

**annie** · 01-01-2007

I was trying to figure out how to explain what I felt the difference was and finally gave up and did a search instead.

What I found at Wikipedia pretty well explains my understanding of the differences for the most part...

Think the best way to start if off is with a defintion of what Wikipedia defines as Domination and submission (BDSM)

Domination and submission (also known as D&s, Ds or D/s) is a set of psychosexual behaviors, customs and rituals relating to the giving and accepting of dominance of one individual over another in an erotic or lifestyle context. It is part of the BDSM group of paraphilias.
D/s is often referred to as the "mental" side of BDSM. Physical contact is not a necessity, and can even be conducted anonymously over telephone, email or (more recently) instant messaging services. In other cases it can be intensely physical, sometimes traversing into sadomasochism. In D/s, one takes pleasure or erotic enjoyment out of either dominating or being dominated. Those who take the superior position are called Dominants, Doms (male) or Dommes (female), while those who take the subordinate position are called subs or submissives (male or female).

Now moving on to the Top/Dominate difference:

Top (BDSM)
In BDSM, a top is a partner who takes the active, dominant role in sexual play (such as in flogging, bondage, servitude, humiliation). The top performs acts such as these upon the bottom.
A top filling the dominant role is not necessarily a dominant, and vice versa. The top may sometimes even be the partner who is following instructions, i.e., he tops when, and in the manner, requested by the bottom. A person who applies sensation or control to a bottom, but does so to the bottom's explicit instruction is a service top.
Topping from the bottom is a related BDSM term, meaning a person who wants to be dominated but simultaneously direct the top to do it according to their wishes. Topping from the bottom is usually considered poor practice amongst lifestyle BDSM devotees, although fairly common amongst the "BDSM curious" or newcomers who have had submissive fantasies but lack experience with a sexual dominant.
Contrast this with the pure dominant, who might give orders to a submissive, or otherwise employ physical or psychological techniques of control, but might instruct the submissive to perform the act on him. Also, a top in BDSM need not be the 'insertive' sex partner; for example, a female dominant may command her submissive to penetrate her.

Dominant (BDSM)
In human sexual behavior, a dominant is one who enjoys performing any of a variety of BDSM practices upon a submissive; or one who holds a dominant position within a relationship based upon dominance and submission (DS). This enjoyment can spring from a simple desire for dominance or an enjoyment of the interplay of wills involved in such a scenario.
The main difference between a dominant and a top is that the dominant ostensibly does not follow instructions, although s/he is limited by what the submissive is willing to do.

Know moving on to Bottom/Sub/Slave difference:

Bottom (BDSM)
In the terms of BDSM scenes or interactions, a bottom refers to the person who takes on the submissive role for the duration of a scene. This term is associated with being on the receiving end of bondage, discipline, and sadism. (Note: this term has significant connotative differences from submissive or slave.) They may be involved in such acts as bondage, flogging, humiliation, or servitude from the top.
The term originates from a more general use of the word, especially among the gay male community, to mean receptive partner. See bottom (sex) for this meaning.
A bottom is not necessarily submissive, and vice versa. At one end of the continuum is a submissive who enjoys taking orders from a dominant but does not receive any physical stimulation. At the other is a bottom who enjoys the intense physical and psychological stimulation but does not submit to the person delivering them.
It should be noted that for bottoms who are not submissive, the bottom is most often the partner who is giving instructions—the top typically tops when, and in the manner, requested by the bottom.

Submissive (BDSM)
In human sexual behavior, a submissive is one who enjoys having any of a variety of BDSM practices performed upon them by a "Dominant"; or one who holds a submissive position within a relationship based upon dominance and submission (Ds or D/s). This enjoyment can spring from a simple desire for submission or an enjoyment of the interplay of wills involved in such a scenario. A submissive is also referred to as a 'sub', where the dominant in a D/s relationship is the 'Dom.'
The main difference between a submissive and a bottom is that the submissive ostensibly does not give instructions, although s/he does set limits on what the Dominant can do.
In many BDSM communities, there is a distinction between a submissive and a slave. In this context, a slave's goal is surrender and obedience. In contrast, a submissive tends to expect some gratification in return for his or her submission.

Slave (BDSM)
Slave is a term often used in BDSM to connote a specific form of submissive. A sexual roleplay or consensual slave could also be a masochist or bottom, but this is not always the case.
Connotatively it refers to highly committed domination and submission (commonly abbreviated as D/s) relationships, as a person who has surrendered their personal property and freedoms to another, who has become the property or chattel of their owner(s). This term is widely used, as it has a certain self-affirming weight.
Some practitioners feel the difference between submissive and slave is the degree of submission. However, many who are involved in Master/slave relationships see the difference as one in kind, not in degree. In particular, some slaves do not have a naturally submissive personality, but simply choose to surrender their will and volition to another.
It should be noted that the Owner/slave relationship is entered into on a strictly consensual basis, without the legal force of historical or modern non-consensual slavery. It is also worth mentioning that the laws of all countries (for example the Thirteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution) strictly forbid the practice of slavery.
There is considerable debate over the exact definition of the word "slave" as it pertains to BDSM. Many people believe that you are a slave if you consider yourself one, whilst others believe one must be in the emotional state of Total Power Exchange or Internal Enslavement for the term to apply.
There are differences of opinion about whether one needs to be currently owned to be identified as a slave. Many in the Master/slave community do not feel that ownership is a requirement.

Still hoping to hear other's thoughts on the definitions and such! Sorry this is so long!