K and Me...

[MMark]

Man, this is gonna hurt, but, it's something that I need to do. I only talked with K for two weeks, but in those two weeks, we connected more to each other than we were able to connect to some we've known our entire lives.
K and I were two of the same... We both excelled at whatever we wanted bad enough, neither would take 'no' for an answer unless that's the answer we wanted. So, hard as it was, I made it a point to keep sex out of the discussion for the first week... I was in that use 'em and lose 'em stage that a lot of guys seem to go through. I didn't want that with K. She was one of the girls I can honestly say I wanted to keep from the start.
So, we kept to politics, careers, bdsm. For somebody so smart, I'm still at a loss of how she could be so liberal. But, in a way, I guess that just made her more appealing. We had made it into a kind of joke, if we were to get together--that is, if Fate decided to give us a chance--she'd have to wear a gag and ear plugs so we wouldn't fight. I mean, you can't be in completely perfect harmony, can you?
Careers. K was trying to get into a prominent school for acting, wanting to be a Broadway actress. She did get a request from the school for her to audition for them, though she said she was having problems with her parents about it. Well, I told her I wanted to be a career Marine. She mentioned that her dad was in the Corps, and after the few days of her changing her schedule to meet mine, she said he wanted to meet me. Though I never had that chance. I wonder if things would have been different if I had insisted on at least saying hi to him...
Her school had a dance coming up and her friends were pushing her to go with an ex. One of their arguments was "It's not like you have anybody else." Well, K was wearing a choker at the time, and decided she did have somebody else. She ended up coming out of the closet with them, telling them she was submissive, and the choker was a sign of her submission, even if, in all actuality, it meant nothing to her or me. Though I'm not sure exactly what she told them. I didn't think anything of it... The choker meant nothing, it was a way for her to get her friends off her back about going to the dance with this creep. Maybe I should've put an end to that right there?
Her drama teacher was meeting with her mother about the problems with K auditioning for the school she wanted to go to. The night before K's mother was supposed to meet the teacher, the teacher brought up K's choker, and whatever liberal BS feminist philosophies she held about female empowerment and not being held as a sex object. The ultimate irony in liberalism: Always preach choice and acceptance, but never accept a choice you don't agree with. When the teacher talked with K's mother, she also told her about K's interest in BDSM.
I came in from work Saturday morning looking forward to my hour with Kat. The one girl who I knew was able to understand me, put up with whatever gripes and moans I had about the night before, and then challenge me to move past yesterday and into tomorrow. That didn't happen. I found a letter from her in my in-box, saying that her parents didn't agree with the Lifestyle, and they were forbidding her from talking to me. She was having coomputer problems the other morning, so I had given her my mailing address, just in case. She had left it on her desk and her dad took that from her.
Ouch. Yeah, that hurts, but I had to get it out so the rest of ya'll can kind of know where I'm coming from. So, what's a guy to do now? Comments, suggestions? Anybody want to go to a high school play? I'm 95% sure of the high school, but need some way to confirm.
So, do I push her in the back of my mind and wait for her to contact me? Take a chance and write c/o the counselor at the school? Wait until we're a little older and go break whatever rules I need to in order to get back in touch with her? Anybody? Thanks.

[Wontworry]

This probably isn't what you want to hear, but I would say remember how good it was and move on.

If she feels the same way you do, she will get back in touch - if she doesn't then it's a shame, but it's best left. You don't know how much of what she has said is true (sorry if that hurts but it's true, you don't) and you may be walking into a situation that neither you or her would want.

[ProjectEuropa]

I second WW.

You will only makes things worse and not make things better by pursuing her. Move on and if she contacts you in the future, take it from there.

[Barton]

It's time to be somewhere else!

[albear]

As much as your heart is breaking right now (and believe me, I know how it feels!) I think the best thing to do is move on. For now. If it's meant to be (geez I hate that phrase) then I'm sure the two of you will catch up later when she's at a station in her life where she can decide for herself what she wants without outside input.

Sometimes people come into your life for a reason. Maybe your relationship has run it's course, served it's purpose, or maybe it's just beginning and this is a mere plotpoint. Don't get your mental knickers in a twist about it though.

Here's to silent heartbreak hey? :straight:

[Sir Lanceloth]

ill just say i agree with the other replies, no other option im afraid.

[Nightstriker]

Here is something that I have not heard in any of the times that circumstances have happened to break my heart and some times is needed to be said.


THAT FUCKING SUCKS!!!.

I personally would try and find her. Talk to her, and ask her in person if what she said was true. If you are convinced that it is, then you may have to just try and educate her parents on how BDSM is just a diffrent way of loveing someone. There are a good many books out there as well as tons of articles here and on other sites about it.

[MMark]

While I am fairly certain I could throw a letter in an envelope and address it through the school, I've had to take the time to really think it over. But I don't want to take the risk of her getting in more trouble, nor do I want to take a chance on somebody looking at what should be privileged communication. Ultimately, I've decided to gain what experience I can, until I touch base with K again.
It really wouldn't bother me if she left on her own. I'm a firm believer of live and let live. What really gets me to no end is the teacher sharing this with her parents (after all, she is 18), and further, her parents reaction in general. Oh, well, guess I'll have to spend some time in Cali tracking her down... How many families could possibly have 6 kids, all names starting with 'K', two of which are twins? I just don't believe in making somebody else's decisions for them. And as one of my friends said, cutting me out of her life isn't going to stop her from becoming the little subbie she is deep inside.

...My dad doesn’t want us to chat anymore. He is totally erasing my screen name from the computer. I am so sorry I didn’t give you my address or phone number today. I have been much too indoctrinated by my dad to ever give it out. I would tell you now, but I was only allowed to write to you on the condition that he censors the letter before I send it. He took your address from my desk in my room before I could memorize much of it.

Hopefully, the next time we get together we will both be in a position to be in control of our own destiny. I will do my best to make that happen somehow.

[Sir Lanceloth]

that sucks, damm.... Well it does sound as if she is interested, but if her parents are freaking out on her she may be too intimidated to even try contacting you. I still think that it would be best to giver it all time, she will most likely at some point discuss this at lenght with her parents, and they will at some point have to let her live her life as she choses. But that time apparently isnt now.

[MMark]

After making my first two posts on here, I figured it would be easier to sit down and spill all this now than give little bits and pieces in each post. I'm trying to switch to another job that'll hopefully give me enough time to finish school so I can get in the military before this year's up. Then, hopefully, I can either get stationed near Riverside and search when I'm off duty, or take my first 30 days of leave there. One way or the other... I do agree that I'll have to find her in person... but, one day at a time...

[Alaric's pet]

Then, hopefully, I can either get stationed near Riverside and search when I'm off duty, or take my first 30 days of leave there. One way or the other... I do agree that I'll have to find her in person... but, one day at a time...

Sorry Mark, but this sounds a little stalker-ish. After reading this post, I understand the grief you are feeling and the anger that something you valued was taken away. But, I think your ideas of mailing a letter to the school and moving to her town to "find her in person" could get you in a wee bit of trouble. Besides, like Wontworry said, you can't be sure that everything she said was true. (You already admitted that she misrepresented her relationship with you to her friends)

telling them she was submissive, and the choker was a sign of her submission, even if, in all actuality, it meant nothing to her or me

Honestly, I would be suprised if she really is 18. If she's not, then you'd be in a whole different kind of trouble. Doesn't seem worth it to me....especially as it was only 2 weeks on chat/email.

Albear said it best

I think the best thing to do is move on

Best of luck to you

[Garnet99]

mmark,
I have to agree with the advice alreay given. It is time to move on. I know you don't want to hear this, but she may not have been even 18. She is at a point that she must go along with her parents, but you can find others who share your interests without worrying about outside influences. Let this chapter in your life close, and be ready to open another. Good luck - I wish you the best.
G

[zephyr]

Heartbreak is painful, I know it and I'm sure the others can relate as well. But I too have to agree as well with their advice. The best thing to do is to just let her go and move on. If she really is meant for you, then she will come back and contact you again.

If in the case that you do decide to pursue her, then I just hope that she is really who she says she is for I myself have encountered several people on chat/IMs who misrepresent themselves. The most recent, being someone I have connected with as well after a month of chat/IMs and over another month of knowing each other through posts at a messageboard. I will not go into the details as you have done. It is a long and painful story that ended in parting as well.

I know how you feel as I have gone through it as well. But I have moved on and it has done me good. I hope you do too and find happiness once again.

[MMark]

The knee-jerk reaction was to send a letter through her school. But, I'm not stupid enough to put myself in a position to be on the front page. Nope, nuh uh. I'll leave things to Fate, for the most part, but that doesn't mean I can't give little nudges in the hopes of crossing paths with her again. For the most part, I just needed to vent, and this forum seemed to be the best place for it. I'm definitely not one to live in the past, and I do plan on moving on in the Life without her. All of your comments, both positive and negative, are appreciated, though. Thanks for the support.