How to dominate a new sub?

[Chips]

Cross posted from the welcome thread:

Hi all! You can call me Charlie, or Chips. I am a typical 5'9" 160lbs mid-30s western guy living in Hong Kong. Now that you have a reasonable picture of me, I'll tell you what I'm really like.

The first fantasy of any kind that I can recall dates back to when I was about six years old, give or take a year. In the fantasy, I discover a pretty short-haired 19 year old brunette bound into a wooden or bamboo frame with a long pole penetrating her analy. She has been standing for a long time on on tiptoes and in a stress position and is grateful when I release her. I hide her under my bed till I am the same age as her.

Only recently have I really thought about the fantasy and its meaning. I was too young to understand about sex, female anatomy, or the aging process. For me it was all about relationship, trust, gratitude and affection borne of her helplessness and submission to my power.

I have been lucky to have had a few very good relationships, some more sexually liberal than others. I tried mild S/m with one girlfriend, but honestly, pain never was our thing. Privately, I enjoy a number of fetishes, such as sounding, electroplay, the heaven-sent aneros massager, and other stuff, but more for the physical pleasure than the excitement of kinkiness.

Since I started working, the wonderful world of commercial sex has opened up to me and I now get most of my sex that way. It is cleaner, safer and more economical than a normal relatinship in many ways, and it means that I get to call the shots from the moment I meet my partner.

Most of the girls are from mainland China. A lot are apprehensive, shy, bored and generally reluctant to sell themselves. A few are the opposite and enjoy the money and the chance to reverse gender roles and be promiscuous and dominant. Both of these kinds are fine by me and we have passably good sex. Then there are the gems.

One in several dozen is a real sparkler, a precious find. I am shown two or three to choose from, but she immediately stands out through her attitude. She is shy and vulnerable, but I can see from her smile that she likes me and welcomes my attention.

Through innumerable past mistakes, I have gotten better at controlling the encounter and subsequent relationship. I never kid myself that her motivation is mostly about money and that I represent a relatively palatable way of escaping whatever reason forced her to travel to Hong Kong. I no longer give out my contact details, and I am more careful about making financial or emotional promises that will later prove costly to keep.

In the old days, I used to overwhelm her emotionally, applying tenderness in the precise time and way that would penetrate her defenses. The emotional defences would shatter and crumble away, and I would get a massive kick out of her crying softly on my chest as we lay together, and then on every visit as the tears would start flowing the moment the doors opened. Eventually, however, I realised that these girls needed their hardened hearts more than my money, or my support. They were left depressed, angry and saw their dreams shattered when they had to return home.

These days, I am a lot more honest with myself and the girl and I try to give no committments at all. I also frequent establishments where the girls have Hong Kong residency rather than come in on tourist visas to work illegally as in the trade.

About a week ago, I was trying out a new place. I had asked for a girl that would do anal, because these type are more compliant and eager to please. Unfortunately, none were available and I had to make do with a selection of three of the house staff.

The moment I laid eyes on Ah Fa (Little Flower), I knew she was the girl for me. Her eyes were cast down at my chest, but they'd dart up to my eyes and I could see she was not only delighted and intrigued, but surprised at her own reaction.

I ushered her into the tiny room, which consisted of a wooden platform with a double matress and a dirty blue sheet and barely standing room next to it. A Japanese porn flic played in the corner; some 20 year old in a school uniform, masturbating herself with an vibrating egg. The TV was stood upon a plywood shelf with a basket of assorted condoms and cheap toilet rolls below it. A stand-up shower completed the standard brothel room.

I took her hands in mine and placed her palms on the door, covering them with my left hand while I ran my right down her back. Only 5' 3" tall, she had pearly white skin and a soft body. She was uncomfortable with the attention; I think she was self-conscious and wished she was a little more athletic. She asked me to switch off the lights and airconditioner, which I did, but we could still see well from the light of the TV screen.

We stripped and showered together. I allowed her to bathe herself before she turned to focus on me. She washed my body and my penis, which was fully erect soaping it slowly and watching my face for reaction before kneeling to suck. I found her action refreshing. It was inexpert and she sucked a little too hard, but she had all the fundamentals down. I turned for her to wash my back and she carefully cleaned my asshole, as deep as she dared go. This is always a good sign, because it means she plans on some tongue action later.

We towelled off and I lay on the bed and she kneeled between my calves and stooped to continue what was left unfinished in the shower. I asked her in my halted Cantonese whether I could reciprocate, but that was beyond what she was comfortable with. I could feel her determinedly milking my cock with her mouth, her right hand slowly pumping in time with her head and her soft fringe bouncing on my belly. Her left hand traced light circles around my balls and anus. She kept eye contact all the while. I knew what she was doing. She was trying to bring me close to orgasm to reduce wear and tear on her vagina.

Then I asked her. "Can I come in your mouth?" She nodded. This is extremely rare in my experience. All the girls are careful in this regards and I have been permitted only once or twice before, and only after many repeat visits and months of close bonding. I pushed my luck. "Don't spit. Kiss me and let me taste myself". She nodded again!

She continued her work, determined to do her duty. At the last, I tilted her head with both hands to get good eye contact, tensed and blew. She just kept going and going, drawing every drop of semen into her mouth by running her index finger along the underside of my penis, from behind my balls all the way to the head.

Now most of the guys here will know that after you come, a man suddenly loses all sex-drive and previous inhibitions come crashing back in. Rarely do the way-out things that seemed sexy during arousal remain so after orgasm. Still, I looked at her, sat back on her haunches, looking at me proudly and expectantly, with a little cum dribble leaking from the right hand corner of her mouth, and I went for it. I drew her to me, and kissed her, slipping the tip of her tongue into her mouth. She gratefully gave up my seed, and we kissed for a moment. I tasted clean and watery, not at all as I had expected. I think it just tasted that way coming from her.

Wow! Having knocked a long unfulfilled fantasy off my list, I lay back in happy sleepy ecstacy. After a short while, we showered and dressed. She confessed that the had never done such a thing before. I gave her a big tip with my heartfelt thanks and she was utterly overcome with gratitude. I think she had never heard of such a large gratuity, let alone received one, even though it was only about US$70. We parted, but I could tell she was hopeful that I'd call on her again.

So, from the experience and my read of her personality, I think I have found a genuinely natural submissive who likes me enough to give herself over to me and allow me to help her step over her lines of comfort.

I have thought this over a lot and I really want to totally dominate her sexually and mentally, to awaken desires and pleasures that will be ours alone.

It's been half a week now, and I am almost ready to see her again. I have come to this forum because I am looking for advice on how to take her, to make her totally mine and slowly break down all her inhibitions. I need to tread a really fine line between mastering her and messing with her emotions. Help me out.

[Caitlin]

She is a prostitute.

Show her the thickness of your wallet, and she'll be anything you want her to be.

[Slave Speak]

my mistress does this to me. see if you could do this. click on this link: http://asubmissiveblog.blogspot.com/

[Chips]

She is a prostitute.

Show her the thickness of your wallet, and she'll be anything you want her to be.

Caitlin, a beautiful name. I knew a young Caitlin once, she was the centre of her mother's universe.

You'd be correct in most circumstances, but here the rules are a little different. Firstly, there are limits to what money can buy. Money would buy me the right to have sex with her. I want her mind and her spirit. Secondly, she wants more than money. She needs companionship and support. Today, I took her again and she declined my tip, saying "The first time you were my customer, but now we are friends."

my mistress does this to me. see if you could do this. click on this link: http://asubmissiveblog.blogspot.com/

Slave Speak, you have a fascinating blog and you are clearly proud of your lifestyle. It sounds as if your mistress loves you deeply. You would be surprised how much she may depend on you, and cherish you. A good sub is hard to find.

As for your suggestion, there is already an element of that going on. Obviously her current profession rules out banning her from sex. But I can contact her, while she cannot reach me. The last few days were difficult for me, but intolerable for her, because she is powerless to do anything if I were never to return.

[orchidsoul]

Hi Chips,

It seems that this young lady is already giving you what you want, strange as it may be considering the profession. I'm a bit weary of your desire to control women you can so quickly walk away from, since the potential for damaging their emotional well being becomes heightened.

It is cleaner, safer and more economical than a normal relatinship in many ways, and it means that I get to call the shots from the moment I meet my partner.

I'm baffled at how one could call it cleaner even with the use of protection. Does a woman who sleeps with many men a day not pose a higher risk for STD's and such? When she performs oral on you, have you a condom on? If not, imagine all the other men she is performing oral on without a condom. That can spread infection. I'm not condemning her chosen profession, just trying to make valid arguments.

I also sense that your desire for this type of paid relationship stems from the ability for lack of commitment. A bf/gf relationship requires commitment, communication, compromise (yes, even in d/s), support, emotional safety, and so on. Yes, you do not owe a prostitute any of this.

But I can contact her, while she cannot reach me. The last few days were difficult for me, but intolerable for her, because she is powerless to do anything if I were never to return.

I get the feeling more and more you are just looking to fuck with someones head. My read of this is that you seem to get off on having the control of whether or not someone is permitted to be in your presence. That's not D/s imho. Speaking as someone with this experience of not being able to reach someone, it did more damage than good. Granted, I'm not a call girl so there was no reason to keep that information from me, but if your relationship with this young lady is to develop further, to keep her so on the side lines will harm her emotionally more than you can imagine.

I do suppose some congratulations may be in order as you seemed to have touched something inside of her the first time. However, I'm still leery to your intentions and desires. I am sorry if I've misinterpreted any information, but this is my gut instinct.

[Master514]

In case you didn't notice this is a BDSM forum and although it isn't specifically written anywhere, this has to be understood as relations where the submissive perform his/her task driven by de desire of satisfying feelings of his/her own (pain/humiliation etc... individidually or a combination of many) or driven by a purely intellectual desire of satisfying the master's wishes or, even more interesting, both sides at the same time.

Satisfying material needs is not part of the equation. Therefore, prostitution largely falsifies the very basis of a real BDSM relationship. Furthermore, BDSM is also based on absolute trust. There is no trust in prostitution. Trust also implies both D and s know each other very well. Do I need to elaborate?

Long story made short: As long as you pay her, you'll never have a BDSM relationship with her... no matter what she agrees to do or to have done to herself. This is the wrong forum for you.

[Master514]

Think about it:
Let's say you cross a barrier (could happen to everyone in BDSM - but we all know how to deal with such a mishap, restore the submissive's trust, and eventually continue, etc...).

She'll always have the liberty of calling the bodyguard/pimp outside and threw you out.

Is that BDSM?

PS The very title of your message is totally wrong. A sexual partner temporarly accepting an act of domination/humiliation done upon her(/him)self is not a sub. Being a sub requires much more than that. Learn more.

[Sir Lanceloth]

Orchidsoul, you took the words out of my mouth

Chips, the other has said what needs to be said, id just like to point you to a side that deals with the emotional part of submission which you seem to be missing on: http://www.castlerealm.com/garden/ourgarden.htm

[Chips]

orchidsoul, I understand where you're coming from. I've had enough such relationships work out badly to appreciate the potential for dammage.

By cleaner, I meant from the point of view of simplicity, rather than the risk oif contracting STDs. But you are 100% right to say that my intention is to maintain a discreet distance. I am an intensely private person and one thing I value more than most is my time alone. I can get stirr-crazy and claustrophobic if that space is repeatedly violated.

That said, I am good for my word. As a child, sometimes adults would make promised that they never kept. Later, school friends regeged on their debts and promises. I have learned to resent that, so I am careful to only make committments I wish to keep and will go out of my way to remember and honour my debts. I am as bound by my word as if by the strongest rope.

Master514, I have tried commercial sex in the USA and yes, in that context this scenario would be a complete non-starter. And I agree that paying her is not the basis of a fruitful relationship. I won't go into the differences between the industries in the USA and Hong Kong, but I get the feeling from these two visits that both of our intentions are to progress this to a non-financial affair once she goes back to her regular job in a month's time.

Sir Lanceloth, thank you for the link. I am slowly working my way through it.

I hope you all will tolerate my newness and lack of intimacy with your culture. Clearly, we have differences in out values and our personal styles. You might be right when you say this is not the right forum for me. I'll drop out for a while while I consider your comments.

In the meantime, rest assured that she and I have each other's best interests in mind.

[Master514]

In the meantime, rest assured that she and I have each other's best interests in mind.

Gimme a break.
She's a prostitute for whatever's sakes! I'm not preaching, but come on, do you really mean that? Can a client really say he has her best interest in mind? You're using her and that's perfectly fine by everyone's standards... mine, hers and especially yours. But please, don't say it has something to do with her best interest.

[Caitlin]

I think you need to get a reality check Chips.

She can't be you sub, because she is owned by someone else who pimps her out.

I knew she was the girl for me. Her eyes were cast down at my chest, but they'd dart up to my eyes and I could see she was not only delighted and intrigued, but surprised at her own reaction.

Wow, how perceptive . . . I'm amazed. When was this? First time meeting as client / customer?

Secondly, she wants more than money. She needs companionship and support. Today, I took her again and she declined my tip, saying "The first time you were my customer, but now we are friends."

Wow second meeting. Client / customer relationship again . . . and you can really read between the fine lines . . . I'm amazed yet again. ROLF

Why don't you save the money you spend on the pros . . . must be quite a bit . . . and spend it more productively in either dateing to find the right one, or, on a shrink.

If you want my advice I'd go for the shrink

And while you wait, why don't you read a few threads and learn what Dom / sub relationships are really all about.