Razor's First Assignment

[Dragon's muse]

Welcome to the Block. Ignore the blood curdling screams and agonized pleas for mercy. That is just the students in the upper levels.

For your first assignment, craft a story/scene/chapter with the following opening.

Janice stood outside the ornately carved door, wondering if she would find the courage to knock. She was wringing her sweaty hands, and on the verge of running back to her car, when the door swung open. An elderly woman looked Janice up and down. "Please come in, Miss Gardner. Mr. Cutler is expecting you. Quickly, he doesn't like to be kept waiting."


Happy writing!

[Razor7826]

Meeting the Boss
Part One

Janice stood outside the ornately carved door, wondering if she would find the courage to knock. She was wringing her sweaty hands, and on the verge of running back to her car, when the door swung open. An elderly woman looked Janice up and down. "Please come in, Miss Gardner. Mr. Cutler is expecting you. Quickly, he doesn't like to be kept waiting."

Janice followed the Mr. Cutler’s maid into the mansion and through the foyer. She was impressed by the elaborate paintings and carvings that filled the walls, and remembered the power possessed by the man that she was about to meet for the first time, face to face.

This isn’t going to go well. I fucked up bad, didn’t I? Janice Gardner cursed herself for cooperating with the police, but she didn’t know she had a choice. Eight months ago, a friend had set Janice up with a supervisor’s job at a small accounting firm, courtesy of an unknown contact whom she would later learn was an associate of Mr. Cutler. Things had started of well, with her ten subordinates being completely self-sufficient. All she had to do was sign off on their work, and all would proceed smoothly.

“Mr. Cutler is waiting in the den.” The maid pointed down the hallway, and Janice made her way towards the most powerful man in town. From behind a large leather chair, Mr. Cutler began to speak, his loud voice echoing in the vaulted ceiling of the den.

“Ah, Miss Gardner. Have a seat. We need to talk about your recent shortcomings at the firm.” Janice made her way to a seat in front of a blazing fireplace and laid eyes on her true boss for the first time. Aldo Cutler was fifty-two years old, but his tight, tanned skin and shaved head made him look much younger. Even sitting in a chair, his large stature intimidated the short twenty-seven year old.

“I… I’m sorry for the misunderstanding, Mr. Cutler. I was unaware the irregularities in the office were under your direct orders.” Three weeks ago, a police officer showed up the offices, asking to speak with Janice. The officers revealed that the common thread for a large string of recent credit fraud was the use of Janice’s office, and it was likely an employee was skimming credit card numbers. Janice’s fatal mistake was her cooperation, which resulted in the arrest of one employee and a large fine for the firm.

That employee was Mr. Cutler’s nephew.

Now, Janice had to do whatever she could to make amends for her errors. Bad things always seemed to happen to those that crossed Mr. Cutler, and Janice knew they were no mere coincidence.

“Now, now, I’m certain we can come to some sort of arrangement. Why don’t you have a drink? I’ve already poured you a glass of my favorite vintage.” Mr. Cutler smiled and extended his arm in the direction of the glass, which rested on a small stand next to Janice’s chair.

“Thank you, sir.” This appears to be going well. Janice sipped from the glass and was surprised by the delicious and strong taste. The wine had a slight tinge to it that Janice had never tasted before, but she gulped down the drink as Mr. Cutler continued to speak, no longer sounding polite.

“At what point did you find it prudent to cooperate with the police?” Mr. Cutler’s voice was starting to rise in anger.

“I had no idea that I was to allow such behavior!”

“Jessica has made it clear you were informed that the business was but an extension of my empire, correct?”

Janice went silent, wondering why her life long friend was now stabbing her in the back. “As I’ve said, I didn’t know that outright theft was to be allowed.” Janice began to feel light headed, which she attributed to the stress of the confrontation.

“My nephew is going to prison because of you, you dumb bitch!” Mr. Cutler rose from his chair, clearly enraged over his employee’s shortcomings.

“I… I…” Janice tried to defend herself, but her words were short and mumbled. Her light-headedness had proliferated, and she was no longer able to stand. She toppled to her side and tried to support herself with her arm, but even that was not enough. “Wha…?”

“Sorry, Miss Gardner, but you’re fired. I don’t tolerate incompetence in my organization.” Mr. Cutler kneeled down next to Janice and began stroking her hair. “While I would have no problem letting other companies make use of your talents, the prospect of you turning state’s evidence against me forces my hand. I’m afraid to inform you that you’re being reassigned to a more… permanent position in my organization.” The aging business tycoon slid his hands inside of Janice’s blouse, and, with one swift tug, tore it down the middle, sending buttons flying across the room.

In an instant, Janice understood what Mr. Cutler meant; she was going to be raped, and almost certainly more than once. She vainly attempted to struggle free of her employer’s groping hands, but her body was unresponsive.

“While I am piqued by the notion of you struggling, I spiked your drink as a cautionary action. I suggest you quietly accept the punishment for your failures, and make this easy for everyone.” Mr. Cutler began toying with Janice’s helpless body. She breathed long, deep breaths as Mr. Cutler slid his prisoner’s bra up, over her tits and forcing them downwards and exposed. Tears welled in Janice’s eyes as Mr. Cutler’s other hand slipped down Janice’s skirt and panties and began toying with her sex.

“You might not be all that bright, but I’ve learned over the year that all women are at the very least useful for one thing. You should be able to make quite the career out of it, some day.”

What does he mean, ‘career’? Janice thought to herself. As Mr. Cutler continued to undress his prey, horrific thoughts of potential fates flashed in her mind- thoughts of rape, torture, and slavery. Janice knew very little about human trafficking, but as Mr. Cutler finally penetrated her, she realized that she would likely never escape this man's grasp.

Helpless, Janice endured the agony of Mr. Cutler’s repeated thrusts, her sighs and whimpers of pain matching his grunts of savage pleasure. As Mr. Cutler neared his climax, he viciously grasped at Janice’s tits. Finally, he dumped his load into her hole, stood up, put his pants on, and left the room without saying a word to the victim, leaving her lying in the flickering light of the fireplace.

Five minutes later, the elderly maid came into the room carrying a box. She knelt beside Janice and began riffling through the cardboard box, from which she pulled out chains, cuffs, and a foam bit gag. With unusual expediency that denoted much practice, the maid stripped Janice of the already torn remnants of her clothing and fastened the bondage gear onto her body. By now, Janice was starting to regain control of her body, but it was too late; her wrists and legs were already chained together, and the maid was fastening a thick leather collar around her neck.

“Mrmmmfffff!” Finally, Janice had full control of her body. She began thrashing around wildly on the floor, and managed to swing one of her legs into the crouched maid, knocking her to the floor. This is my chance to escape! Janice struggled to her legs and began hobbling her way towards the door.

Unfortunately for her, the escape was not meant to be. The maid produced a tazer from her box and zapped Janice’s thigh. She collapsed to the floor painfully; her chained arms unable to brace her fall. The maid stood up and walked towards her newest charge.

Janice twisted her head upwards to see the maid looming over her. The elderly woman looked down at Janice with a scowl as she raised her right heel and dug it into Janice’s back.

“That’s enough, Miss Gardner. Mr. Cutler doesn’t like it when his toys fight back, and neither do I. Aldo has placed great faith in me and my abilities, and I won’t allow some stupid little girl to make a fool out of me. You have a lot to learn, and I understand that Mr. Cutler wants a nice video made for when his nephew is released from prison.” The maid dug her heel harder into Janice’s back, then bent down and snapped a leash onto Janice’s collar. Images of her future continued to pervade her thoughts, and beads of sweat trickled down her worried face and mingled with tears.

End of Part One

[Razor7826]

For future reference, what is the policy on posting edited coursework to the main site? I may write more chapters, if get more ideas for the later chapters.

[cariad]

*fans self*

Then remembers I am supposed to be critical too. A great first start to the writers' block Raxor - well done.

I would niggle over

What does he mean, ‘career’? Janice thought to herself. As Mr. Cutler continued to undress his prey, horrific thoughts of potential fates flashed in her mind- thoughts of rape, torture, and slavery. Janice knew very little about human trafficking, but as Mr. Cutler finally penetrated her, she realized a simple truth. This is how it begins, a rape and the desire to leave no witnesses.

Unless she is a girl who has spent too much time reading BDSM literature I don't think she is likely to have those thoughts - if she was, then her reactions would have been different.

When is part 2 coming?????

cariad

[Dragon's muse]

Razor,

Anything you write here can be posted on the main site. You could almost say that is a goal.

i will get to this for critique and review today.

rose

[Razor7826]

*fans self*

Then remembers I am supposed to be critical too. A great first start to the writers' block Raxor - well done.

I would niggle over



Unless she is a girl who has spent too much time reading BDSM literature I don't think she is likely to have those thoughts - if she was, then her reactions would have been different.

When is part 2 coming?????

cariad

I agree, the conclusion is implausible. Part two may or may not be coming; there are other stories I want to finish first, as well as keep up with whatever assignments I am given.

Oh, and I now realize that italics do not carry over when pasting from Word to message box. I guess I will have to go through and re-italicize some sentences.

[Dragon's muse]

Been having PC problems, will get to this ASAP

Sorry for the delay.

rose

[Dragon's muse]

Finally back on a full size keyboard, will get to this tomorrow. Thank your for your patience.
rose

[Dragon's muse]

i like the overall direction the scene takes. Just a few little tweaks. Janice leapt to the conclusions too quickly; give her a little more shock, disbelief, protesting, bargaining. Let the light dawn a little more slowly.

A very nice first effort.
i will get your next assignment posted today or tomorrow.

rose

Meeting the Boss
Part One

Janice stood outside the ornately carved door, wondering if she would find the courage to knock. She was wringing her sweaty hands, and on the verge of running back to her car, when the door swung open. An elderly woman looked Janice up and down. "Please come in, Miss Gardner. Mr. Cutler is expecting you. Quickly, he doesn't like to be kept waiting."

Janice followed the Mr. Cutler’s maid into the mansion and through the foyer (maybe simplify to "through the mansion's foyer.. She was impressed by the elaborate paintings and carvings that filled the walls, and remembered the power possessed by the man that she was about to meet for the first time, face to face.

This isn’t going to go well. I fucked up bad, didn’t I? Janice Gardner cursed herself for cooperating with the police, but she didn’t know she had a choice. Eight months ago, a friend had set Janice up with a supervisor’s job at a small accounting firm, courtesy of an unknown contact whom she would later learn was an associate of Mr. Cutler. (Maybe change to ". . . contact -- an associate of Mr. Cutler, she would later learn.Things had started of (off) well, (semicolon)with (delete)her ten subordinates being (change to "were") completely self-sufficient. All she had to do was sign off on their work, and all would proceed smoothly.

“Mr. Cutler is waiting in the den.” The maid pointed down the hallway, and Janice made her way towards the most powerful man in town. From behind a large leather chair, Mr. Cutler began to speak, his loud voice echoing in the vaulted ceiling of the den.

“Ah, Miss Gardner. Have a seat. We need to talk about your recent shortcomings at the firm.” Janice made her way to a seat in front of a blazing fireplace and laid eyes ("looked at" has a more formal feel, more appropriate to narrative voice) on her true boss for the first time. Aldo Cutler was fifty-two years old, but his tight, tanned skin and shaved head made him look much younger. Even sitting in a chair, his large stature intimidated the short twenty-seven year old.

“I… I’m sorry for the misunderstanding, Mr. Cutler. I was unaware the irregularities in the office were under your direct orders.” Three weeks ago, a police officer showed up the offices, asking to speak with Janice. The officers revealed that the common thread for a large string of recent credit fraud was the use of Janice’s office, and it was likely an employee was skimming credit card numbers. Janice’s fatal mistake was her cooperation, which resulted in the arrest of one employee and a large fine for the firm.

That employee was Mr. Cutler’s nephew.

Now, Janice had to do whatever she could to make amends for her errors. Bad things always seemed to happen to those that crossed Mr. Cutler, and Janice knew they were no mere coincidence.

“Now, now, I’m certain we can come to some sort of arrangement. Why don’t you have a drink? I’ve already poured you a glass of my favorite vintage.” Mr. Cutler smiled and extended his arm in the direction of the glass, which rested on a small stand next to Janice’s chair.

“Thank you, sir.” This appears to be going well. Janice sipped from the glass and was surprised by the delicious and strong taste. The wine had a slight tinge to it that Janice had never tasted before, but she gulped down the drink as Mr. Cutler continued to speak, no longer sounding polite.

“At what point did you find it prudent to cooperate with the police?” Mr. Cutler’s voice was starting to rise in anger.

“I had no idea that I was to allow such behavior!”

“Jessica has made it clear you were informed that the business was but an extension of my empire, correct?”

Janice went silent, wondering why her life long friend was now stabbing her in the back. “As I’ve said, I didn’t know that outright theft was to be allowed.” Janice began to feel light headed, which she attributed to the stress of the confrontation.

“My nephew is going to prison because of you, you dumb bitch!” Mr. Cutler rose from his chair, clearly enraged over his employee’s shortcomings.

“I… I…” Janice tried to defend herself, but her words were short and mumbled. Her light-headedness had proliferated, and she was no longer able to stand. She toppled to her side and tried to support herself with her arm, but even that was not enough. “Wha…?”

“Sorry, Miss Gardner, but you’re fired. I don’t tolerate incompetence in my organization.” Mr. Cutler kneeled down next to Janice and began stroking her hair. “While I would have no problem letting other companies make use of your talents, the prospect of you turning state’s evidence against me forces my hand. I’m afraid to inform you that you’re being reassigned to a more… permanent position in my organization.” The aging business tycoon slid his hands inside of Janice’s blouse, and, with one swift tug, tore it down the middle, sending buttons flying across the room.

In an instant, Janice understood what Mr. Cutler meant; she was going to be raped, and almost certainly more than once. She vainly attempted to struggle free of her employer’s groping hands, but her body was unresponsive.

“While I am piqued by the notion of you struggling, I spiked your drink as a cautionary action. I suggest you quietly accept the punishment for your failures, and make this easy for everyone.” Mr. Cutler began toying with Janice’s helpless body. She breathed long, deep breaths as Mr. Cutler slid his prisoner’s bra up, over her tits and forcing them downwards and exposed. Tears welled in Janice’s eyes as Mr. Cutler’s other hand slipped down Janice’s skirt and panties and began toying with her sex.

“You might not be all that bright, but I’ve learned over the year that all women are, at the very least, useful for one thing. You should be able to make quite the career out of it, some day.”

What does he mean, ‘career’? Janice thought to herself. As Mr. Cutler continued to undress his prey, horrific thoughts of potential fates flashed in her mind- thoughts of rape, torture, and slavery. Janice knew very little about human trafficking, but as Mr. Cutler finally penetrated her, she realized that she would likely never escape this man's grasp.

Helpless, Janice endured the agony of Mr. Cutler’s repeated thrusts, her sighs and whimpers of pain matching his grunts of savage pleasure. As Mr. Cutler neared his climax, he viciously grasped at Janice’s tits. Finally, he dumped his load into her hole, stood up, put his pants on, and left the room without saying a word to the victim, leaving her lying in the flickering light of the fireplace.

Five minutes later, the elderly maid came into the room carrying a box. She knelt beside Janice and began riffling through the cardboard box, from which she pulled out chains, cuffs, and a foam bit gag. With unusual (delete)expediency that denoted much practice, the maid stripped Janice of the already torn remnants of her clothing and fastened the bondage gear onto her body. By now, Janice was starting to regain control of her body, but it was too late; her wrists and legs were already chained together, and the maid was fastening a thick leather collar around her neck.

“Mrmmmfffff!” Finally, Janice had full control of her body. She began thrashing around wildly on the floor, and managed to swing one of her legs into the crouched maid, knocking her to the floor. This is my chance to escape! Janice struggled to her legs and began hobbling her way towards the door.

Unfortunately for her (delete), the escape was not meant to be. The maid produced a tazer from her box and zapped Janice’s thigh. She collapsed to the floor painfully; her chained arms unable to brace her fall. The maid stood up and walked towards her newest charge.

Janice twisted her head upwards to see the maid looming over her. The elderly woman looked down at Janice with a scowl as she raised her right heel and dug it into Janice’s back.

“That’s enough, Miss Gardner. Mr. Cutler doesn’t like it when his toys fight back, and neither do I. Aldo has placed great faith in me and (delete)my abilities, and I won’t allow some stupid little girl to make a fool out of me. You have a lot to learn, and I understand that Mr. Cutler wants a nice video made for when his nephew is released from prison.” The maid dug her heel harder into Janice’s back, then bent down and snapped a leash onto Janice’s collar. Images of her future continued to pervade her thoughts, and beads of sweat trickled down her worried face and mingled with tears.

End of Part One

[moptop]

Hi, Razor! I've been happily doing some level 3 ripping recently, and havn't done any level 1 ripping before. I thought to myself, do I go gently? Well, to some extent the answer is yes - we're all here to learn, not to be depressed by excessively harsh criticism. Then again - I would always have welcomed being ripped to shreds constructively, and I am sure anyone else who loves to write and wants to improve will always welcome helpful criticism (or at least, criticism that intends to be so!). So I'm going to do a bit.

It's a nice story (or opening to a longer story), and I certainly enjoyed it, and I look forward to reading the next episode. So please - any comments are not criticisms of the story itself, just details of its construct! I really, really hope you find this helpful, and not off-putting. I would hate to put you off - I want to read what happens next!

Muse obviously did most of the proofing type errors, so I won't repeat that; and commented on other changes that could be made, or areas to consider. I had a few more thoughts. Mostly, how to manage the pace. As Muse said, you do need to allow her time to be afraid and confused. You also, I felt, leap from him being nice, to her drinking the wine, to him being angry, too fast; give him a little more time, too.

Meeting the Boss
Part One

Janice stood outside the ornately carved door, wondering if she would find the courage to knock. She was wringing her sweaty hands, and on the verge of running back to her car, when the door swung open. An elderly woman looked Janice up and down. "Please come in, Miss Gardner. Mr. Cutler is expecting you. Quickly, he doesn't like to be kept waiting."

Janice followed the (delete) Mr. Cutler’s maid into the mansion and through the foyer. She was impressed by the elaborate paintings and carvings that filled the walls, and remembered the power possessed by the man that she was about to meet for the first time, face to face.

This isn’t going to go well. I fucked up bad, didn’t I? Janice Gardner cursed herself for cooperating with the police, but she didn’t know hadn't known she had a choice. (new para would be good, I think)Eight months ago, a friend had set Janice up with a supervisor’s job at a small accounting firm, courtesy of an unknown contact whom she would later learn was an associate of Mr. Cutler. Things had started of well, with her ten subordinates being completely self-sufficient. All she had to do was sign off on their work, and all would proceed smoothly.

“Mr. Cutler is waiting in the den.” The maid pointed down the hallway, and Janice made her way towards the most powerful man in town. From behind a large leather chair, Mr. Cutler began to speak, his loud voice echoing in the vaulted ceiling of the den. At the moment, she just knows where the room is; does he start talking before she's got there?

“Ah, Miss Gardner. Have a seat. We need to talk about your recent shortcomings at the firm.” Janice made her way to a seat in front of a blazing fireplace and laid eyes on her true boss for the first time. Aldo Cutler was fifty-two years old, but his tight, tanned skin and shaved head made him look much younger. Even sitting in a chair, his large stature intimidated the short twenty-seven year old.

“I… I’m sorry for the misunderstanding, Mr. Cutler. I was unaware the irregularities in the office were under your direct orders.” Again, this feels like a new paragraph to me. Three weeks ago, a police officer had showed up the offices, asking to speak with Janice. The officers One officer showed up? or several?revealed that the common thread for a large string of recent credit fraud was the use of Janice’s office, and it was likely an employee was skimming credit card numbers. Janice’s fatal mistake was her cooperation, which resulted in the arrest of one employee and a large fine for the firm.

That employee was Mr. Cutler’s nephew.

Now, Janice had to do whatever she could to make amends for her errors. Bad things always seemed to happen to those that crossed Mr. Cutler, and Janice knew they were no mere coincidence.

“Now, now, I’m certain we can come to some sort of arrangement. Why don’t you have a drink? I’ve already poured you a glass of my favorite vintage.” Mr. Cutler smiled and extended his arm in the direction of the glass, which rested on a small stand next to Janice’s chair.

“Thank you, sir.” This appears to be going well. thought Janice. Or, This appeared to be going well. Janice sipped from the glass and was surprised by the delicious and strong taste. The wine had a slight tinge to it that Janice had never tasted before, but she gulped down the drink as Mr. Cutler continued to speak, no longer sounding polite. This is where I think it changes too fast. She is still drinking, he would want to take some time to allow the drug to have effect - and to savour the moment. He's a nasty bastard, after all, I'm sure he'd enjoy the process of watching her be nervous, relax a bit, start to realise she's drugged... Perhaps some apparently inconsequential talk about how fine the wine is would be apt?

“At what point did you find it prudent to cooperate with the police?” Mr. Cutler’s voice was starting to rise in anger.

“I had no idea that I was to allow such behavior!” I didn't realise who was talking here, maybe it's just me being dim, but a 'protested Janice' or something would be good.

“Jessica has made it clear you were informed that the business was but an extension of my empire, correct?”

Janice went silent, wondering why her life long friend was now stabbing her in the back. “As I’ve said, I didn’t know that outright theft was to be allowed.” She was silent; but she spoke. Maybe just 'silent a moment'? Janice began to feel light headed, which she attributed to the stress of the confrontation.

“My nephew is going to prison because of you, you dumb bitch!” Mr. Cutler rose from his chair, clearly enraged over his employee’s shortcomings.

“I… I…” Janice tried to defend herself, but her words were short and mumbled. Her light-headedness had proliferated Oh - could you just say spread, or increased? proliferated just makes me think of cells multiplying or something like that; it doesn't sound right for light-headedness! , and she was no longer able to stand. She toppled to her side and tried to support herself with her arm, but even that was not enough. “Wha…?”

“Sorry, Miss Gardner, but you’re fired. I don’t tolerate incompetence in my organization.” Mr. Cutler kneeled down next to Janice and began stroking her hair. “While I would have no problem letting other companies make use of your talents, the prospect of you turning state’s evidence against me forces my hand. I’m afraid to inform you that you’re being reassigned to a more… permanent position in my organization.” The aging business tycoon slid his hands inside of Janice’s blouse, and, with one swift tug, tore it down the middle, sending buttons flying across the room.

In an instant, Janice understood what Mr. Cutler meant; she was going to be raped, and almost certainly more than once. She vainly attempted to struggle free of her employer’s groping hands, but her body was unresponsive.

“While I am piqued by the notion of you struggling, I spiked your drink as a cautionary action. I suggest you quietly accept the punishment for your failures, and make this easy for everyone.” Mr. Cutler began toying with Janice’s helpless body. She breathed long, deep breaths as Mr. Cutler slid his prisoner’s Hmm. She is the primary subject, so 'his prisoner's' doesn't sound right. You might try splitting it into two sentences, e.g. She breathed long, deep breaths to try to calm herself. Mr. Cutler slid his prisoner’s ... bra up, over her tits and forcing them downwards and exposed. exposing them Tears welled in Janice’s eyes as Mr. Cutler’s other hand slipped down Janice’s her skirt and panties and began toying with her sex.

“You might not be all that bright, but I’ve learned over the years that all women are at the very least useful for one thing. You should be able to make quite the career out of it, some day.”

What does he mean, ‘career’? Janice thought to herself. As Mr. Cutler continued to undress his prey, horrific thoughts of potential fates flashed in her mind- thoughts of rape, torture, and slavery. Janice knew very little about human trafficking, but as Mr. Cutler finally penetrated her, she realized that she would likely never escape this man's grasp.

Helpless, Janice endured the agony of Mr. Cutler’s repeated thrusts, her sighs and whimpers of pain matching his grunts of savage pleasure. As Mr. Cutler neared his climax, he viciously grasped at Janice’s tits. Finally, he dumped his load into her hole, stood up, put his pants on, and left the room without saying a word to the victim, leaving her lying in the flickering light of the fireplace.

Five minutes later, the elderly maid came into the room carrying a box. She knelt beside Janice and began riffling through the cardboard box, from which she pulled out chains, cuffs, and a foam bit gag. With unusual expediency expediency is the wrong word here - see definitions; did you mean dexterity? that denoted much practice, the maid stripped Janice of the already torn remnants of her clothing and fastened the bondage gear onto her body. By now, Janice was starting to regain control of her body, but it was too late; her wrists and legs were already chained together, and the maid was fastening a thick leather collar around her neck.

“Mrmmmfffff!” Finally, Janice had full control of her body. She began thrashing around wildly on the floor, and managed to swing one of her legs into the crouched maid, knocking her to the floor. This is my chance to escape! she thought. She struggled to her feet... Janice struggled to her legs and began hobbling her way towards the door. I believe you sometimes use italics to denote her thoughts; and sometimes not. You should really try to stick with one style. I think - but others may tell me I'm talking rubbish - that if you use italics, you needn't bother with quotes; if you don't, you need quotes. Single quotes will do for thoughts, I think. I'm on dodgy ground here, though.

Unfortunately for her, the escape was not meant to be. The maid produced a tazer from her box and zapped Janice’s thigh. She collapsed to the floor painfully; I think you only need a comma here, not a semi-colonher chained arms unable to brace her fall. The maid stood up and walked towards her newest charge.

Janice twisted her head upwards to see the maid looming over her. The elderly woman looked down at Janice with a scowl as she raised her right heel and dug it into Janice’s back.

“That’s enough, Miss Gardner. Mr. Cutler doesn’t like it when his toys fight back, and neither do I. Aldo has placed great faith in me and my abilities, and I won’t allow some stupid little girl to make a fool out of me. You have a lot to learn, and I understand that Mr. Cutler wants a nice video made for when his nephew is released from prison.” The maid dug her heel harder into Janice’s back, then bent down and snapped a leash onto Janice’s collar. Images of her future continued to pervade her thoughts, and beads of sweat trickled down her worried face and mingled with tears.

End of Part One

Looking forward to your next assignment!

[Razor7826]

When I pasted from Word into the message form, it eliminated the italics. I thought I had gone back and reitalicized everything, but I guess I missed some. Does anyone know word processors that copy into html format to eliminate this error?

[Dragon's muse]

Wordpad or Jarte (a freeware that is basically wordpad on steroids)