Razor7826 icebreaker thread

[Mad Lews]

Well, my first choice has been taken and my second one was advised against, so here goes.

1) Fury
2) Anger
3) Violence
4) Compulsion
5) Contempt
6) Hatred
7) Revenge

Excellent now use those seven words in unique sentences.

[Razor7826]

1) When I heard the news, I was furious. (hopefully the tense of the word does not matter, though, if it does, my sentence will be "When I heard the news, my heart was filled with unmitigable fury."
2) Most people have no idea how to control their anger.
3) I'm normally not a violent person, but if somebody asks for it, I'm not one to rrefuse.
4) Time flew by as I checked and rechecked it over and over, unable to control my compulsion.
5) I looked into the crowd with contempt for their hobbies.
6) Over the years, my hatred for her never ceased to burn.
7) I plotted my revenge.

[Mad Lews]

1) When I heard the news, I was furious. (hopefully the tense of the word does not matter, though, if it does, my sentence will be "When I heard the news, my heart was filled with unmitigable fury."
2) Most people have no idea how to control their anger.
3) I'm normally not a violent person, but if somebody asks for it, I'm not one to rrefuse.
4) Time flew by as I checked and rechecked it over and over, unable to control my compulsion.
5) I looked into the crowd with contempt for their hobbies.
6) Over the years, my hatred for her never ceased to burn.
7) I plotted my revenge.

Hi Razor,
Here’s what I came up with. Your name is Charlie, and you are an angel with anger management issues.

You’ve been assigned as the angelic guardian of one Karolina Kurkova a Victoria’s Secrets model from the Czech Republic. She’s tall blond and hot and you need to keep her on the straight and narrow path.

The reasons for your anger issues are as follows.

1) As an angel you have no gender and no functional genital, not that you are tempted.
2) Karolina has the moral compass of a minx and the sex drive that goes with it.
3) Other than that she’s a bit of an airhead.
4) You are expected to not only keep her ‘clean and chaste’ but also prevent her from leading others into temptation.

To say you are frustrated only scratches the surface.

Yes of course you must use the seven sentences in conversation.

Now to add to your frustration, you’ll write this in first person from the angels point of view. Normally a first person POV would limit your knowledge to the narrator’s thoughts and others characters words and actions, but we are dealing with an angel here. You will have the unique challenge of writing a first person semi omnipotent. You can read the thoughts of Karoline and those she interacts with but you must get the reader to buy into this unique perspective. You may only talk to God, other angels, and Karoline; well maybe the Devil will chime in if things get really bleak.

Oh yes we want it all to end well and the foul tempered angel to end up being a likable character, if not a hero. This might involve taming the slut, solving the causes of Charlie's anger issues, or perhaps some deeper insight which will set the angel free. I’ll let you work on that one. You have 2000 words to play with, use them wisely.

Best wishes
Mad Lews

[Razor7826]

You say "Yes of course you must use the seven sentences in conversation." Like, conversation between the characters, so I can't let it be the First Person narrator describing things? "I plotted my revenge," is more of an internal monologue thing than a piece of a conversation.

Fantastic idea, by the way.

[Mad Lews]

You say "Yes of course you must use the seven sentences in conversation." Like, conversation between the characters, so I can't let it be the First Person narrator describing things? "I plotted my revenge," is more of an internal monologue thing than a piece of a conversation.

Fantastic idea, by the way.

Dear Rzr,

"Hold that thought while I plot my revenge. "


No seriously I know I've limited conversation to a very few beings just in the set up. I'll leave it up to you how angels and mortals converse. Fudging on the assignments in a new and creative way is permitted as long as you are bold and don't explain until called on it. Extra credit is given for creative interpretations though Lews will lose it if you go to far. The important thing is your tale is readable, entertaining, and is related to the assignment in some discernible fashion.

Take your time, a few days, heck take a week. I've got some reading to catch up on and Dean won't be out of rehab till Friday.

Best of Luck
Mad Lews

[Razor7826]

This assignment is proving to be very difficult. I'm at about half the word limit and nearing the end; things rarely ever take as many words as I plan them to. I'll have something posted over the weekend.

[Mad Lews]

This assignment is proving to be very difficult. I'm at about half the word limit and nearing the end; things rarely ever take as many words as I plan them to. I'll have something posted over the weekend.

We regret being the cause of difficulty. It is interesting that you are able to do it with such an economy of words. Is this a problem for you? Most writers stray in the opposite direction.
This weekend should be fine. Dean is getting out of rehab today and will probably party the night away so he'll be properly hung over when he wakes up Saturday evening.

Take care
Mad Lews

[Razor7826]

I generally have difficulty imagining how long scenes will take, i.e. I don't have a good sense for wordcounts. Imposing the restrictions that Charlie can only speak to God and Karolina and that the sentences must be used in dialogue rather than internal monologue has pretty much forced Charlie into a dialogue with God, as none of the lines would fit between Charlie and Karolina. So, what I have is Charlie 'apologizing' to God for the drastic measures he took to tame Karolina, then a follow up visit with her converted self. Unfortunately, the dialogue is pretty direct and horribly horribly boring.

[Mad Lews]

I generally have difficulty imagining how long scenes will take, i.e. I don't have a good sense for wordcounts. Imposing the restrictions that Charlie can only speak to God and Karolina and that the sentences must be used in dialogue rather than internal monologue has pretty much forced Charlie into a dialogue with God, as none of the lines would fit between Charlie and Karolina. So, what I have is Charlie 'apologizing' to God for the drastic measures he took to tame Karolina, then a follow up visit with her converted self. Unfortunately, the dialogue is pretty direct and horribly horribly boring.

Not to send you into rewrite mode yet but.
The conversations could have been with "God, other angels*, and Karoline; well maybe the Devil will chime in if things get really bleak."
So you do have a few other potential characters who can participate. Also you're allowed to add to the dialog, it isn't limited to those 7 sentences. You just have to make sure you include them, in any order you wish and with any additions that will help, split them up or do whatever works.
I had hoped the instructions were clear on that but after reading Nikita's comments over in level 3 I'm no longer sure.
If you have any other questions please ask, This isn't supposed to impose a writing block but turn you into a writing bulldozer.
Keep plugging
Mad Lews

*Hmm an angelic gripe session before they punch in for the night shift....

[Razor7826]

I understood the restrictions, but the ideas that came concerning other angels and the devil seemed less natural.

I'll finish what I've started.

EDIT:

Done, posting it shortly. It turned out better than I had hoped-- I no longer want to take out my hard drive and douse it in gasoline. It also ended up just short of the 2000 word limit.

[Razor7826]

Angel Charlie
By Razor7826

The Big Guy called me into his chambers and asked, "Charlie, would you mind explaining your choice of actions against Karolina Kurkova? They seem rather harsh compared to your usual methods."

I never liked it when people questioned my actions. They were completely justified and I knew that if the conversation continued, I would get very, very angry. Sadly, I didn't have much of a choice. He had his ways to get his subjects to talk.

"Certainly, My Lord. Karolina Kurkova, age 26 of Prague. She is the youngest of my charges and, let me tell you, she has her problems."

He chuckled and said, "I think they all do, Charlie. Continue."

"Okay, so here's the basic outline. On her sixteenth birthday, I appeared to her in a dream. I tried to persuade her to follow Your will, but the next night she went out and sold her virginity for five dollars to a sleazy American tourist. When I found out, I was furious. I was ready to smite her on the spot, but I understand that smitings only occur at Your discretion. Most people have no idea how to control their anger, but I am different."

The Big Guy laughed at my claim, but I shirked off his arrogance and continued my story.

"Over and over, I appeared in her dreams, but she ignored me and continued to sleep with every guy willing to give her the time of day. I tried my hardest to end her life of sin, My Lord, but the usual methods never worked. She was too horny to heed my direct warnings and too stupid to notice the indirect. Five times I torched her house as she masturbated, yet still she defied Your will, her thoughts continually filled with sexual fantasies. Over the years, my hatred for her never ceased to burn, fueled by her relentless quest to sin. Even if I'm not a violent person, if somebody asks for it, I'm not one to refuse. So, I plotted my revenge."

I knew The Big Guy never liked it when we broke His rules, but I had no doubt that the my actions were correct. Writing the wrongs of the world was my job, after all.

"Nothing was working, so I took the most drastic measures that I could imagine, even if it was a little bit beyond what You normally consider to be acceptable recourse." I knew this was going to be the part that pissed him off. "As you always say, My Lord, 'When you got a job to do, you gotta do it well.' So, I let dear Karolina be the target for some inevitable sins that were beyond my jurisdiction."

He grunted, then nodded at me to continue.

"Well, I followed a Prague gang around for a few days. I don't know who their Guardian Angels are, but they're obviously not doing much. I looked into the crowd with contempt for their hobbies. They broke Your rules in almost every way conceivable, from rape to murder. I would never allow any of my charges to perform such heinous acts, were You to grant me the power to control them. However, since they were determined to sin, I merely pushed them towards Karolina by fostering an affinity for her."

The Big Guy stroked his beard and asked, "May I ask how you went about doing that?"

"It was rather simple, really. I just inundated them with images of Karolina to push them in the right direction. Whenever they opened a magazine, their fingers would pry at a page with one of her advertisements. Whenever they flipped channels, they would land on a fashion show. Within a few days of the constant barrage, their minds were set."

"How do you know that they would have committed the same sin, were you not to lead them astray?"

A question I had anticipated from the beginning. "Well, we angels cannot know in the same way that You do. However, their open discussions and history of such crimes made it obvious another outburst was inevitable. You know that I would never, ever receive pleasure from watching sexual violence committed against my charges, but I did my duty and watched over her, to ensure that no permanent damage came unto her. She was dragged into a deserted alley during a night time stroll, bound and gagged with tape. I'll spare You the details, but it took many hours for them to break her.

"Break her?" He asked.

"Ah, sorry, my Lord. I meant to break her of her habits, to make sex so unbearable to her that she would never have it again."

"Do you really think you needed to go that far?"

"Of course, My Lord. Better to be chaste for life than succumb to unsanctioned sex."

"Yes, yes, I see your argument. It still seems a little brutal, however. Did it work?"

"Only time will tell. She's still in the hospital, but at least she is refraining from sin."

"Charle..."

"Please, My Lord, don't look down at me like that. I did only what was necessary to prevent her from sinning!"

"You have to fix this. No non-violent sin is worth a punishment like that.

"My Lord..."

"Go. Now. Before I think of a worse punishment.

I turned around and left His chambers, exiting his glowing throne room directly into Karolina's dilapidated hospital room. Czech health services were a far cry from first world, but she appeared to be in good health. The intravenous feed appeared to have added to her anorexic frame.

I walked to her bedside. Her long blonde hair fell down to her shoulders, though I noticed it lacked the sheen from her regular care. Her skin was badly bruised, with strange marks running up and down her legs. She was asleep, not unconscious. I entered her dream.

For the first time, I interrupted no kinky fantasies, latent desires, or unspeakable acts. In her mind's chamber she sat, a curled ball inside the barren dome. I moved closer to her.

"Hello, Karolina. How are you this evening."

No response. Her mind was truly and utterly empty, no words even coming to her tongue.

"I take it you've learned a lesson from all of this?"

She turned towards me and mumbled something, then looked away.

"This could have all been avoided if you had only listened to me.

Finally, she spoke. "You... raped me?

I laughed, "How can you possibly think I raped you? Have you already blocked the memories? No, I didn't do it to you, per se, but I led those would go astray into bringing about some good from their sins.

"What good could come from this?" Her voice waivered.

"Since the lesson, you've been completely celibate, in both body and soul."

She responded with a malicious stare.

"What? Do you think it was unnecessary? I've been haunting your dreams for years, and you ignored me each and every time. I've even taken more direct actions, and still you ignored me. Honestly, you left me no choice but this."

She started to cry. "I didn't deserve this! I never hurt anyone."

"Not all sins bring harm unto others," I responded, delivering the ancient canned response to Secular Humanists across the world.

"Please... don't hurt me anymore."

"As long as you remain celibate, there won't be any more need for me to take action."

"I... I promise, I'll never have sex again."

"Only time can tell if you will break free of your vices, and I have all the time in the world. Farewell, and stay pure." I left her in her mind's eye as she cried. I took one more look at her bruised and battered corporeal form before exiting through the door and into His chambers.

"Well?" He asked.

"She's pretty banged up, but she'll be fine." I used 'fine' loosely. I had no idea how she would be, nor did I care; I believed that she deserved everything that came to her.

"And of her life of sin?"

"I'm still not entirely certain that she will remain celibate forever, but I believe she will pay more attention to my advice from now," I laughed.

He glanced up to the sky and gathered his thoughts before telling me, "Charlie, I think you need a vacation."

"My Lord, I am fine." I did not need the rest

"Trust me, you need a vacation. Take some time to think about what you did."

"But I did nothing wrong!"

"Yes, you did. You brought harm unto one you were to protect.

"I did no such thing!"

"Don't try to play the technicality, Charlie."

"Yes, my Lord." I knew he was right.

"Also, I'm removing Karolina from your care. You will have a new subject upon your return."

I wanted to argue with him, but it was a lost cause. I had gone too far, even for the noblest goal of celibacy.

"Thank you, My Lord," I said, then turned my back to Him and left His chambers. The door led to my own sanctuary, a small room in a far corner of Paradise.

It was as impeccable as I always kept it, a small bed resting in the far corner for the few moments I needed peace. It was never used for sleep; I required none. Along the wall were portals into the lives of my five subjects. The third screen still showed Karolina, surprising me that The Big Guy had not removed access to her life. I looked on her to see her still staring blankly towards the window.

I tried to rest, satisfied at a job well done, even if my benevolent employer frowned upon my harsh methods. They weren't even that brutal, in the grand scheme of things- I know He had done far worse during his early days. little bit of directed rape was nothing compared to His own sins. However, my intended vacation was interrupted by my desire to check in on Karolina's progress through the screen.

Little by little, she improved, until on the last day of my vacation she roamed freely around the hospital. I was happy for her.

I knew that The Big Guy would not appreciate continued contact with her, but I had to apologize to her, face to face.

I was amazed that I still had access to her dreams. I entered.

Her dream world shone a bit more brightly than that of a week ago, a sign that she was recovering. She looked towards me.

"What are you doing here?"

"Ah, I guess I do require a bit of explanation, don't I?"

She stared at me with a look of pure hatred in her pale blue eyes.

"Well, The Big Guy took you out of my care, but I am still concerned for your safety. I am your Guardian Angel, after all."

"You didn't do a good job of it," she remarked. Were I my former self, I would have turned to revenge, but something about her calmed me.

I continued, "This was supposed to take a vacation, but it was not nearly as relaxing as one would hope. Instead of savoring the peace and quiet, time flew by as I checked and rechecked on you over and over, unable to control my compulsion. I've realized that my actions were far too harsh... and I would like to apologize for that.

She mumbled "whatever" and looked away.

"That's all I wanted to say. I won't visit you ever again; He is appointing a new Guardian Angel for you soon, so I will hold no sway over your life, nor be able to even speak to you."

"Just... go away."

That was the last I saw of her. I returned to my chambers to find Karolina Kurkova of Prague no under my care.

Both she and I were better off for it.


Copyright 2007, Razor7826

[Mad Lews]

Very good RZ,
I realize the seven sentences were a little awkward but you managed to fit them in nicely for the most part. While Charlie didn't end up a hero per say he did learn and grow so that was a plus. All in all I'd say you covered the assignment in an appropriate time frame.
I just don't understand why your evil twin was whining about it. I'll go over it in more detail today and we can work on coming up with a new assignment.
Yours
Mad Lews

[Razor7826]

Very good RZ,
I realize the seven sentences were a little awkward but you managed to fit them in nicely for the most part. While Charlie didn't end up a hero per say he did learn and grow so that was a plus. All in all I'd say you covered the assignment in an appropriate time frame.
I just don't understand why your evil twin was whining about it. I'll go over it in more detail today and we can work on coming up with a new assignment.
Yours
Mad Lews

Okay, 'my evil twin's fears were justified at the time I was writing it.

1) The story was completely unsatisfying until I wrote the last quarter of it, which helped Charlie go from completely unlikeable to at least having learned a valuable lesson.

2) It developed a lot on editing, namely in flow of dialogue, and I actually had to cut about thirty words to meet the limit.

3) I truly did hit a wall that I've never hit before while writing this assignment. Every other Writer's block assignment kept the same vision, beginning to end, but this one required a significant change of direction right in the middle. When I started writing, I intended it to just be Charlie telling the story to God and defending his actions.

[Mad Lews]

Hi Razor,
I've read over your "Bad Endings" series as well as some of the reviews.
First you need to realize that not all reviewers are kind but you can still learn from them. The most common complaints were too short, too simple. I'd say they are being a bit picky but they are the audience so we have to give it some credence.
In general I think you write event/plot based stories. These will always be simpler and shorter than character based stories. You'll notice that the assignment I gave you was about characters and not so much about the events.
You may have had a little difficulty with it but you ended up getting into the characters heads; and more importantly dragging the reader in with you.
In general this kind of story telling is more complex and nuanced. Sort of the difference between a Tom Clancy Novel and a Steven King Series. Finding the proper balance between the two methods is important. There is a thread of short stories on the forum that shows you can get inside your characters head without being too long winded,
http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php?t=3173
Sooo...
Pick one of those bad endings, The one you dislike the most. Let me know which one you choose and let's see what we can do with it OK.
Mad Lews