Inner Conflict

[jeanne]

...but between my selfprotection and my wish to totally open up towards someone...giving control to him, showing him my whole self and thus making myself vulnerable

I hope you find one you can be that with, deigja. It is an amazing feeling.
Just take your time and be careful, sweetie!

[TomOfSweden]

I have looked over this thread now several times as i´m currently stuck in another conflict myself which I still have to sort out.
I´m kind of a controll freak, always trying to be on the safe side, backing away from everything risky and by this even blockig myself.
I´m torn between my longing to give up control, to feel, to quit thinking and give myself to a man, and my urge to protect myself.
I do this by controlling everything, planning everything.
To the outside this gives me the air of cool selfconfidence that i only wear for others to see. On the inside its more a denial of my feelings to keep myself from beeing hurt.
So my conflict is not between beeing dominant and beeing submissive at the same time on different levels, but between my selfprotection and my wish to totally open up towards someone...giving control to him, showing him my whole self and thus making myself vulnerable

bye
deigja

You've already figured out what your problem is. That's the big, (huuuge) step. Now is the easy part. Deciding how you're going to proceed. You don't have to chose. I've known several people who have both a master and a slave.

Experiment. You don't have to put your whole heart into something. You're bum can be good enough.

[deigja]

I hope you find one you can be that with, deigja. It is an amazing feeling.
Just take your time and be careful, sweetie!

Thanx jeanne, i´ll take care even if I hope to have already found hte one... I´ll have to wait and see as its still new..

[deigja]

[QUOTE=Experiment. You don't have to put your whole heart into something. You're bum can be good enough.[/QUOTE]

It´s not that easy for me as I wish to just one time put my whole heart into it....I have kept it out of it to often already.
But thanx none the less och hälsningar til sverige ;-)

[submissivemark]

I didn't read all of the thread as I didn't need to, at least as far as the control issues go.

First of all, it's not uncommon for someone that is dominant or in control in their vanilla life to want or need to submit to another & "give up" control in a non vanilla situation, (be it a relationship, marriage, or just a temporary scene), it happens all the time & is nothing to worry over. In the case of non-vanilla, just "go with the flow" inside you & release the "inner sub/slave".

Now, if you are a "control freak", (as I am to an extent), being submissive is merely another aspect of controling yourself. If a D/M wants you to obey them, (& of course you want to obey them), then you have to exercise great self control to "go against" your vanilla nature, (& society's cultural training of us in general), & to give in to their wants. It's one thing to think you can stand in a corner as motionless as possible for, say thirty minutes; quite another to do it in reality. That's where the self control comes into play.

No conflict here. Any turmoil you may be feeling is likely due to "going against the grain" as to society's mores & beliefs. Learn to let yourself go & control yourself in the right ways.