An embarassing question

[gloombunny]

Is there any particular way to improve one's pain tolerance? I'm sure enduring a lot of painful things is the basic idea, but are there any specific ways to do that that might work better than others? I'd love to be as much of a masochist as I am a submissive, but so far it just ain't happening.

[_ID_]

Frequent play to your current tolerance will do as much for you as anything else. Frequent meaning at least twice weekly. Just as with any activity that you must have endurance to accomplish, repeated practice at your current limit will help you to accomplish more. Don't attempt to push past your limit every time. Just find it every time, and don't exceed it. His judgment will soon become the deciding factor as your mind begins to withstand more than your body will allow.

Another thing you will find helps you. Letting go. You must find your spot in your head that allows you to let go, trust your Dominant not to kill you, and just enjoy the sensations you feel.

Add to the pain you are being given interspersed with reasuring caresses to "make it all better" and your mind won't associate it with pain as much. As the endorphines roll out, your mind will confuse the pain within your threshold with pleasure.

Most of all, make it fun, not a challenge.

[Warbaby1943]

As with any exercise built up at a pace that will eventually get you to where you want to be.

[Torq]

Agreed, the more you do the greater the tolerence.

T

[Aussiegirl1]

I agree, I am by no means into pain, but over the past year with WB my tolerance level is slowly rising. That does not mean I am any less of a wuss when it comes to pain, but that I seem to be able to take that little bit more now. I think I also know if I can take X amount of pain one day, and I survived it, I can take that bit more next time. It is very much a mental as well as a physical thing for me.

It is also that we know each other so much better now, and he can read me so well, even via a web cam. I know too, for me, his encouragement helps me so much to keep going, though I still don't make it easy for him. I am sure the faces that I pull and the moans and groans must make him wonder at times lol

As mentioned above, it has to be fun. I often say to WB, that even if I am pulling faces during an activity I find painfull, I am happy I have achieved it. I also think I will NEVER be able to tolerant pain like some subs can, and that is fine with me. That is what makes this journey we are all on so very interesting - that we are all different.

[Ozme52]

In addition to 'practice' per se, pain tolerance goes up with mental attention to the situation.

I'm sure you realize you can pinch yourself far harder and for far longer than you can tolerate from someone else. So practice creating the pain in yourself. Just knowing you can stop anytime makes the pain more tolerable. Once you have that going... you will also realize that some of the pain you feel from others really isn't as great as what you can tolerate from yourself. Then, suddenly, you will tolerate that pain.

Try pinching. Try clothespins and clover clamps. Get a hairbrush or pingpong paddle and use them on yourself.

Have a session where s/he give you a stroke and then hands the paddle to you and you give yourself two. Then s/he gives you one and you give yourself two more.

I'll bet you raise your play level real high.

[Warbaby1943]

I agree, I am by no means into pain, but over the past year with WB my tolerance level is slowly rising. That does not mean I am any less of a wuss when it comes to pain, but that I seem to be able to take that little bit more now. I think I also know if I can take X amount of pain one day, and I survived it, I can take that bit more next time. It is very much a mental as well as a physical thing for me.

It is also that we know each other so much better now, and he can read me so well, even via a web cam. I know too, for me, his encouragement helps me so much to keep going, though I still don't make it easy for him. I am sure the faces that I pull and the moans and groans must make him wonder at times lol

As mentioned above, it has to be fun. I often say to WB, that even if I am pulling faces during an activity I find painfull, I am happy I have achieved it. I also think I will NEVER be able to tolerant pain like some subs can, and that is fine with me. That is what makes this journey we are all on so very interesting - that we are all different.

You do very well and better each day.

[WyldWyl]

Can you really 'become' a masochist, though? I can understand how one can learn to tolerate more pain, but I'm not sure you can teach yourself beyond a classical conditioning level to become aroused/pleasured by it if that's not your natural response.

[Warbaby1943]

Can you really 'become' a masochist, though? I can understand how one can learn to tolerate more pain, but I'm not sure you can teach yourself beyond a classical conditioning level to become aroused/pleasured by it if that's not your natural response.

Not sure but it is something to think about. If I had to hazard a guess I'd have to agree with you.

[gloombunny]

Can you really 'become' a masochist, though? I can understand how one can learn to tolerate more pain, but I'm not sure you can teach yourself beyond a classical conditioning level to become aroused/pleasured by it if that's not your natural response.

It is, though... to a certain extent.

I want to extend that extent. :)


Thanks for the advice, everyone! I think I've got some ideas on where to go from here... although I haven't got a dominant man or woman in my life, so some of it wasn't quite applicable. I'll do my best anyway. ^_^

[Alex Bragi]

Can you really 'become' a masochist, though? I can understand how one can learn to tolerate more pain, but I'm not sure you can teach yourself beyond a classical conditioning level to become aroused/pleasured by it if that's not your natural response.

I agree with WyldWyld.

I don't believe you can become a masochist either. You either are, or you aren't. Either you have a propensity for it, or you don't. And, even if you do, if you push yourself beyond the threshold of what's pleasurable pain for you, then the best you can hope for is to become is a pain martyr. Certainly I see a few of those too. Men and women who proudly and openly admit that they endure pain for the pleasure of their dom/domme.

I mean, it's like I don't like the look of, the smell of, the idea of, and certainly not the taste of tripe. Sure, I force myself to eat small portions of it over time, I may even get to point where I don't throw up at the mere thought of it but, would I, or could I really reach the point of actually enjoying it in copious quantities? I don't think so.

More to the point, I believe every masochist has point where pain for pleasure become pain for pain. It's a combination of a chemical balance in the the body and a psychological balance in the mind which when tipped too far isn't enjoyable any more, and it's it suppose to be?

[snowflake]

HI gloomy bunny.. it is a good question.. and i often wondered it myself a long time ago..

It is hard to push your tolerance level but i find it as a want or need now...

Some ways that may help is to find the spot in your head that you can lose yourself .. a place that most are afraid to go.. to totally relax and not tense up.. to let your body float with the pain.. and not fight it.. to let it build inside you.. thinking of how you want to please your Sir.. putting your mind into a thought away from the pain or sometimes even music will help...

But i also feel it has to be the Doms responsibility to get you there in the right way as well..

Working you up slowly softly with a proper length warm up helps as well.. If he goes to fast and your mind and body can't keep up you will feel the pain and not enjoy it but resist from it... It has to be paced properly.. and that is your Dom's responsibility to figure out your pace and how fast you can go to accept it...

I find communication for this is very helpful.. Using the terms green yellow red and a safe word helps the Dom to know where you are at..

green-being go a bit harder
yellow-meaning ok stay here let me catch up
red-being move somewhere else or slow right down as it got ahead of you..

and of course always have a safe word for Stop

If you can get past the pain.. there is a place you will find.. It is called sub space.. Once you have made it there you will find it is somewhere you never want to leave..

It is the place where the natural chemical to fight off the pain lies.. They are called endorphins..

-WHAT ARE ENDORPHINS? ("en-DOR-fins")
"Endorphin" is Greek for "the morphine within", describing pain-relief chemicals produced naturally in the body. The central nervous system is equipped with specific receptor sites for morphine-like substances that attach to receptors to help relay "stop-pain" messages.

To put it bluntly.. it is a total body high.. without using drugs or alchol.. It is a high created by your own chemicals.. and a place you will want to go back to time and time again if you can find it properly...

I know i went almost 5 yrs without it .. and to go without is like an addiction.. it is very hard to forget and not want...

I have left some other places to find out about subspace below..

But i also want you to take note of what happens 36 hours to 4-5 days after a sub hits subspace.. that most don't know about ...

It is called The sub drop...

I will take a part that explains this from this link {remember to read this whole link if you are interested}

http://en.allexperts.com/q/BDSM-2733/Scening.htm

sub drop: "Always, always keep in mind that with the raising of endorphins comes the falling of endorphins. By that I mean sub drop. Sub drop is the term used for, when the endorphin levels drop down past normal. The Dominant must be there for this. It often happens between 36hrs, and up to, 4 or 5 days after the scene. (depending on the submissive).

In sub drop the submissive feels insecure, wishy washy. Her emotions are all over the place. She might feel cold, then hot, then cold again. Her body might tremble and shake. All of which depend on how deep into subspace the submissive went. The deeper the subspace, the harder the sub drop.

Chocolate helps with sub drop, it raises the endorphin levels. Make sure there's water on hand, as well as a blanket. Blanket around a submissive's shoulders held tight along with the arms of her Dominant, can make her feel secure again. A warm shower to help with the chills often helps as well."


Here are also some other references to endorphins and breaking in a sub to pain:

http://en.allexperts.com/q/BDSM-2733/Breaking-sub-extreme-play.htm

This one is a bdsm dictionary as well .. Very smart to keep handy

http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/dictionary/Endorphin/

i hope at least some of this has helped hun... i know it can be frustrating .. and yes the others are right .. sometimes people just are not into it...

Just my opinion

hugs
snow

[TomOfSweden]

Is there any particular way to improve one's pain tolerance? I'm sure enduring a lot of painful things is the basic idea, but are there any specific ways to do that that might work better than others? I'd love to be as much of a masochist as I am a submissive, but so far it just ain't happening.

I'm with Wyl and Alex. Why would you? Masochism is sex, and sex is about enjoyment. If lot's of pain doesn't make you hot and horny, demand from your boyfriend/master that he doesn't cross the limit. A master who doesn't respect that limit is best avoided.

edit: Sure, you may want to put up with stuff that doesn't make you hot because putting up with it is a big part of the submissiveness thing for you. But you should acknowledge that. In a situation like that, enduring more pain, is counter productive.

[gloombunny]

There is an enjoyment of pain for me. But frequently it gets drowned out by the... not-enjoyment part. I'd like to be able to take the pain without getting all tensed up like I do so I can enjoy the pleasurable aspects of it more.

[TomOfSweden]

There is an enjoyment of pain for me. But frequently it gets drowned out by the... not-enjoyment part. I'd like to be able to take the pain without getting all tensed up like I do so I can enjoy the pleasurable aspects of it more.

Could it be that you've got some deep rooted psychological reaction that fires off as soon as you start to reach any intense levels pain/enjoyment? Some subconscious trauma that gets brought to the surface? Basically that it is two conflicting emotional systems at play? I will freely admit that this is amateur psychology hour as far as I'm concerned, but I'll offer some advice anyway, (at least my psychological advice is cheap ). Maybe all that is needed is lots of training in a safe environment so that the feeling of pain is not attached to anything horrible and traumatic any longer. If it's even possible.

That brings to mind a similar condition women often suffer, (forget the name?) which is that they tense up during sex which makes vaginal intercourse un-enjoyable, no matter how horny they are. This is an automatic reaction and is solved by them feeling loved and respected by the person they're with. They need to be with somebody they can relax completely around, for them to at all be able to enjoy sex. Could be something like that?

My motto is to never let myself be held back by any minute hang-ups I have. Breaking through the mental barrier no matter how terrifying usually has it's own reward. But that's just me, and I'm not sure my example in life is a good one to follow

[gloombunny]

Um... I guess it's possible that I have a negative reaction to pain because of some childhood trauma I've repressed all memory of, but isn't a bit more likely that I have a negative reaction to pain because pain fuckin' hurts? I think you're severely overthinking this...

[TomOfSweden]

Um... I guess it's possible that I have a negative reaction to pain because of some childhood trauma I've repressed all memory of, but isn't a bit more likely that I have a negative reaction to pain because pain fuckin' hurts? I think you're severely overthinking this...

Overthinking is definitely a serious condition I'm afflicted with. I'm a serious case.

[Whippett]

I agree, I am by no means into pain, but over the past year with WB my tolerance level is slowly rising. That does not mean I am any less of a wuss when it comes to pain, but that I seem to be able to take that little bit more now. I think I also know if I can take X amount of pain one day, and I survived it, I can take that bit more next time. It is very much a mental as well as a physical thing for me.

As a friend always says - take the head and the body will follow. It is indeed a mind thing. I had a girl once who had an incredible tolerance to pain. Solid stroke just made her wet. But if she accidentally stubbed her toe, she'd be in pain from the tears (and you can only guess at the agony she went through when she had her appendix removed). As ID said, it's all in the manner in which the pain is administered - and the amount of pleasure that is induced at the same time - and that cross-over, from pain to pleasure is very much mental/emotional in nature.

[Whippett]

HI gloomy bunny.. it is a good question.. and i often wondered it myself a long time ago..

But i also feel it has to be the Doms responsibility to get you there in the right way as well..

If you can get past the pain.. there is a place you will find.. It is called sub space.. Once you have made it there you will find it is somewhere you never want to leave..

It is the place where the natural chemical to fight off the pain lies.. They are called endorphins..

To put it bluntly.. it is a total body high.. without using drugs or alchol.. It is a high created by your own chemicals.. and a place you will want to go back to time and time again if you can find it properly...

I know i went almost 5 yrs without it .. and to go without is like an addiction.. it is very hard to forget and not want...

But i also want you to take note of what happens 36 hours to 4-5 days after a sub hits subspace.. that most don't know about ...

It is called The sub drop...

Excellent points snow. There is also a mild (or not so mild) possibility of shock (the medical condition) associated with sub-drop. It doesn't always happen, but definitely needs to be watched for. If the submissive is prone to suicidal tendencies, sub-drop can trigger such a tendency as well. Immediate after-care from a good session works to reduce the chance of sub-drop (not always, but often). Many subs don't want water or nibblies after a session, but it is a good idea to provide them (and the hugs and gentle words) anyway and make sure they have some water and chocolate and/or fruit during the after care. The sugars in the fruit and chocolate (and the chocolate itself) help reduce the endorphine let down a little. The whole after-care 'gentling process' also has a mental component that counters the depression that may accompany sub-drop (by making pleasant associations with the initial decrease of endorphine levels.

I mentioned shock - many subs (especially in a hard session) get clammy skin and are a little shaky - this is a mild form of shock induced by both the endorphines and the physical 'trauma' of the session. Sips of water and something light (fruit, chocolate, both) help with that as well, as does holding the sub and wrapping her so she's warm ( besides, it feels so good to hold her naked body in my lap and caresses her and tell her what a good girl she is as I feed her nibbles and sips).

[snowflake]

Excellent points snow. There is also a mild (or not so mild) possibility of shock (the medical condition) associated with sub-drop. It doesn't always happen, but definitely needs to be watched for. If the submissive is prone to suicidal tendencies, sub-drop can trigger such a tendency as well. Immediate after-care from a good session works to reduce the chance of sub-drop (not always, but often). Many subs don't want water or nibblies after a session, but it is a good idea to provide them (and the hugs and gentle words) anyway and make sure they have some water and chocolate and/or fruit during the after care. The sugars in the fruit and chocolate (and the chocolate itself) help reduce the endorphine let down a little. The whole after-care 'gentling process' also has a mental component that counters the depression that may accompany sub-drop (by making pleasant associations with the initial decrease of endorphine levels.

I mentioned shock - many subs (especially in a hard session) get clammy skin and are a little shaky - this is a mild form of shock induced by both the endorphines and the physical 'trauma' of the session. Sips of water and something light (fruit, chocolate, both) help with that as well, as does holding the sub and wrapping her so she's warm ( besides, it feels so good to hold her naked body in my lap and caresses her and tell her what a good girl she is as I feed her nibbles and sips).

Whippett you are so right as well.. i have hit that low of depression when i wasn't taken care of after a session as i needed to be.. only because some Dom's didn't know about sub drop...

It can be very scary for the person going through it and dangerous.. That is why i wanted to point it out clearly that it is a must know if you are playing hard and hit sub space..

i would hate to think sub space would be ruined for anyone by a bad sub drop..

and you are right after a good hard play session it is always nice to be shown a little TLC anyways.. to know you didn't disappiont.. Reassurance is very important to a sub.. after all she is trying to please..

[Stone]

well i would say prcticve practice practice......I am a sadist and like to give the pain but i like pain as well for me i can just clear my head and focus on it and enjoy it...i have no worries in the world can just feel the pain...but i am a freak so lol

[Logic1]

I am kinda wondering why asking that is embarrasing actually. It seems like a "normal" question in this forum anyways xcept for the small fact that the question hasnt been asked before.

+ I agree with wyl with the "can you become a machocist" question.
Sure you can raise the pain tolerance some by practice but pain delivered by somebody else is a completely different thing than doing it for yourself. That is MY take on it anyways.

[gloombunny]

I am kinda wondering why asking that is embarrasing actually. It seems like a "normal" question in this forum anyways xcept for the small fact that the question hasnt been asked before.

I guess I'm just a little embarassed to admit that I have a really low pain tolerance. I'm such a wuss! *sobs* ^_^

[Logic1]

I guess I'm just a little embarassed to admit that I have a really low pain tolerance. I'm such a wuss! *sobs* ^_^

lol okay. I got my explanation


personally MY pain tolerance depends on what is happening and I think that is the same for most people. Some types of pain just plain hurts and some pain has some form of pleasure involved.
not sure how to explain it better than that but I guess here is the place to say things like that and you guys and gals will get what I mean.