Contracts: Good vs. Bad

[Aesop]

Contracts can be a useful tool for a d/s relationship, but you have to be careful before you sign on the dotted line.

A good contract between a dom and sub should have just as much in it about the dominants responsibilities as it does about the submissive's duties. It should also give very specific information on what the submissive is required to do and specific information on when the submissive isn't required to perform normal duties.

Example:

I agree to service my master sexually any time he requires it.

Very romantic and it sounds great, but are you really going to give your master a blowjob when you have the stomach flu? According to the above he would be within his rights to ask for it. Although you could tell him that he's getting a handjob and that's that because it just says sexually. Not what kind of sex. This is better:

I agree to service my master in whatever sexual way he requires any time he requires it except during periods of illness, bereavement, or other debilitating circumstances that may occur. Other debilitating circumstances to be discussed at the time of occurence and our course to be decided upon by both myself and my master. If I feel that my master is pushing me beyond my established limits I have the duty to inform him. If he ignores the information I have the right to terminate this contract.

I know it ain't romantic folks, but if you are going to live by a contract it needs to be as specific as possible so no one feels cheated later on.

Make sure your contract gives you both the right to change it and to terminate it at any time. D/s relationships grow and evolve just like vanilla ones and the contract should reflect that you both know that.

I'll add more examples from good and bad contracts later on.

[Tojo]

The first contract I drew up was kind of embarrassing upon looking at it again months later. We discussed it a lot more this time, so it's sort of what we both want, rather than what 'I' want.

There's certainly something special about having a contract- for me I want my girl to grow in many ways, some of the things referred to in the contract reflect that.

"I pledge to always keep myself safe and well" is one part I particularly like.
Her well being is of paramount importance to me, she's a very special young lady.

Tojo

[Captain Blood]

To me, anything in writing is a liability. IMHO it takes the element of the unknown out of the equation which in itself is one of the fine edges to court.

[Evan_]

Depending on the relationship, NOT having it writing can be a liability. For pet and I, it confirmed the basis of trust that we have been building. We are watching out for each other, with an understanding of control and submission. It's actually working out very well for us.

One thing it did in a concrete manner was establish the priorities in her life. She had been struggling somewhat with how much power I should/would take, how it could mess up her job or family life if I pushed too hard and she submitted to somthing she shouldn't have. The contract gives her the two following items:
1) The responsibility to make her family #1, her job #2, and me #3. I'm not in this to get her fired or divorced. It's supposed to be fun.
2) The privelige (I'm not bothering with spell check, dang it!) to discuss her difficulties or confusion regarding any task or assignment without it coming over as complaining or making excuses. Sometimes her interpretation of what I want could get her in trouble, when what I was actually asking for was much more neutral.

Having this responsibilty and privelige make the relationship easier and more clear, leaving us room for more fun!

The agreement is also worded such that we may amend it under mutual agreement. The flexibility of the document is what keeps it alive. (I learned that lesson from the founding fathers of the gold ol' US of A! Just have a gander at the bill of rights, and the declaration!)

[Captain Blood]

Point well taken.. I am think whatever works for you is a damn good thing. Good Luck...

[Sir_Russell]

I have only done one contract in 35 years, when she asked for it I told her that they weren't really necessary if she trusted me.

She said please I need to feel secure in this. She is new to the life but instead of steamrolling her out of the contract I decided the correct Daddy Dom thing would be to let her have it, humor her.

It turns out that after 2 weeks of intense negotiation I learned a tremendous amount about this lovely creature and she about me.

I recommend contracts that are very detailed in order to really know your partner. Surprisingly to me without the work of the contracting I would not have found myself so in love with her. That love and knowledge has help us through several very difficult times that should have broken up the normal couple relationship. Now we are growing together and growing stronger, not because of the contract but because of the knowledge of each other we gained by doing it in great depth.

[poptart]

I think threres certain things that need to be addressed in ddetail but I think this is going to far......

"I agree to service my master sexually any time he requires it.

Very romantic and it sounds great, but are you really going to give your master a blowjob when you have the stomach flu? According to the above he would be within his rights to ask for it. Although you could tell him that he's getting a handjob and that's that because it just says sexually. Not what kind of sex."

If your master has no consideration for you being ill, then he's not worthy of being a master.

Poptart

[Sir_Russell]

I agree with that too poptart common sense is found between the lines in a contract. No clause should be that open ended though

[Aesop]

I think threres certain things that need to be addressed in ddetail but I think this is going to far......

"I agree to service my master sexually any time he requires it.

Very romantic and it sounds great, but are you really going to give your master a blowjob when you have the stomach flu? According to the above he would be within his rights to ask for it. Although you could tell him that he's getting a handjob and that's that because it just says sexually. Not what kind of sex."

If your master has no consideration for you being ill, then he's not worthy of being a master.

Poptart

Exactly. But you may be surprised at the number of people who will allow that kind of thing to happen to them and then feel obliged to uphold it. People who want to please their lover will do all kinds of things they shouldn't. And an abusive lover will allow it.