Just an observation

[gemmy]

and i'm sure one we've all made but thought i'd see what y'all had to say on it anyway lol

In the BDSM Lounge are the two threads for Dominants to introduce themselves and one for submissives to as well.

Both threads were started on December 25, 2007

Dominants thread = 82 posts
Submissives thread = 239 posts

Now i realize in both threads, some are just welcomes from peers in the group but my question is:

Do you think it's a fair representation of the ratio of Dominants to submissives on this board; on online; or in real-life? and if you have a speculation as to why, that would be cool to hear as well *smiles*

[Warbaby1943]

I have no proof but my believe, after being around here for a little while, is that there are a substantial more subs then there are Doms. It is not at all uncommon for some of the Doms to have two or three subs which would seem to indicate to me that in forums like this more subs join to find a Master or Dom then the other way around. Again, this is only my opinion.

[TomOfSweden]

I agree with your assessment Warbaby, but the numbers quoted should if they support the theory have the opposite structure. If doms are less they should receive more welcoming cheers from subs bloating the dom threads numbers, right?

[Insert the Mark Twain quote]

[gemmy]

lol Tom, too true but then some of us subs are a little intimidated to go into the Dominants Dungeon too often lol

[Sir_Russell]

First it seems that most that have done studies feel that it is about 10 submissive to each Dom online. I often say that I think it is higher ratio then that if you exclude the posers and abuser. Wannabees I am not sure about since some of them will become Dom or the others.

Hard to figure out a real ratio because many online subs are just here for cheap thrills and fantasy. So I truly wonder if there was a way to limit it to only real experienced Doms and subs what the ratio would be

[Tojo]

I'd guess that there'd be plenty of people calling themselves Doms on any forum- including some that lurk in the shadows & jump on any new girls.

Perhaps as with everyday life, there appears to be few men who have genuine confidence & a sense of honour.

As for the thread, I have a vague recollection of seeing it, but don't think I posted anything.

I guess at the time I figured that people can make up their own minds about me. I'll check it out- thanks for the heads up, mastersgem.

[DowntownAmber]

I do think there are more subs than Doms online, but I also suspect the "introduction" ratio is skewed due to the fact that it's percieved to be easier to introduce one's self as a newbie sub as opposed to a newbie Dom. It's pretty acceptable for a girl (or guy) to hop online and say "hi, I'm a new sub looking for guidance." The Doms pay attention as do the the other subbies (we're kind of a little social support group!). On the other hand, to say "hey, I'm a Dom but I have no real experience" leaves one open to be seen as a poser or not worth the time for the searching subs. Seems much more isolating.

[Alex Bragi]

An interesting observation for sure, Mastersgem.

Well, I think while there probably are more subs than dominants here, generally female submissives, particularly, tend to like to chat and interact with each other more so than dominants.

[gemmy]

First it seems that most that have done studies feel that it is about 10 submissive to each Dom online. I often say that I think it is higher ratio then that if you exclude the posers and abuser. Wannabees I am not sure about since some of them will become Dom or the others.

Hard to figure out a real ratio because many online subs are just here for cheap thrills and fantasy. So I truly wonder if there was a way to limit it to only real experienced Doms and subs what the ratio would be

too true, i hadn't figured in the wannabe factor, who would of course be more than happy to come on and pronounce themselves 'dom for the day' or 'sub for the day'

I'd guess that there'd be plenty of people calling themselves Doms on any forum- including some that lurk in the shadows & jump on any new girls.

Perhaps as with everyday life, there appears to be few men who have genuine confidence & a sense of honour. <<<<< very very few Tojo

As for the thread, I have a vague recollection of seeing it, but don't think I posted anything.

I guess at the time I figured that people can make up their own minds about me. I'll check it out- thanks for the heads up, mastersgem.

hehe you're quite welcome *smiles*

I do think there are more subs than Doms online, but I also suspect the "introduction" ratio is skewed due to the fact that it's percieved to be easier to introduce one's self as a newbie sub as opposed to a newbie Dom. It's pretty acceptable for a girl (or guy) to hop online and say "hi, I'm a new sub looking for guidance." The Doms pay attention as do the the other subbies (we're kind of a little social support group!). On the other hand, to say "hey, I'm a Dom but I have no real experience" leaves one open to be seen as a poser or not worth the time for the searching subs. Seems much more isolating.

awesome perspective as always Amber!

An interesting observation for sure, Mastersgem.

Well, I think while there probably are more subs than dominants here, generally female submissives, particularly, tend to like to chat and interact with each other more so than dominants.

yes, Alex, we do tend to be a chatty bunch when put together especially *winks*

[Tojo]

On the other hand, to say "hey, I'm a Dom but I have no real experience" leaves one open to be seen as a poser or not worth the time for the searching subs. Seems much more isolating.

That may be the perception, but IMO it's refreshing to see a Dom say he doesn't 'know it all'

At least he has some chance of learning, & I firmly believe that an inexperienced Dom willing to learn is a far better prospect than an experienced one who isn't.

Experience does not always equal expertise!

[gemmy]

That may be the perception, but IMO it's refreshing to see a Dom say he doesn't 'know it all'

At least he has some chance of learning, & I firmly believe that an inexperienced Dom willing to learn is a far better prospect than an experienced one who isn't.

Experience does not always equal expertise!

or good for that matter *winks*

[tydnchaynz{NSXX}]

i tend to agree with Sir Russell in that there seem to be many 'Doms and subs' online that are here for some cheap thrills while their wife/husband is at work or similar situations. However, luckily they are usually easy to spot because they begin a conversation with "what are you wearing? ('Dom') or "i will do ANYTHING you want me too" ('sub') lol......just a little humor. i enjoy reading the Dominant's introductions because it allows me to get an insight into who it may be possible to go to if i have a question that i would like to get an opinion on. it has also come to my attention in my short time here, that many of the experienced Dominants post quite often on the boards and that also helps to weed out the 'wannabes'.

All in all, the site is a wonderful collection of information and i look forward to meeting and talking with everyone.

[neitsyst2]

I would like to add that there are some who don't add an introduction at all. Some wonderful dominants and subs who just don't want to have a permanant post as they are learning or growing...so the numbers may be just slightly skewed by that as well.

[silver9]

I've been noticing that too! It's strange, but the majority here do seem to be female subs, even in the Dominants area there seems to be more subs than doms posting lol

[Lion]

Don't forget the switches! lol

[Sir_Russell]

Not trying to pirate this thread but I think this fits here.

I consider myself to be a pretty rare Dom, hell any Dom that has real world experience that isn't an abuser is. Then how long have they had their sub/slave also shows if their real.

I can take a woman that hardly realizes she has sub tendencies and take her to new places with her as a willing traveler. I find so many talk a fair game but then that is cheap and easy. A Dom that can watch his sub/slave and learn her needs know where she is going before she does are again rare.

Most of the real Doms spend a long time finding a woman that they want for theirs, we may well try on quite a few to find the one that has the traits that we need. It should come as no surprise that online that many Doms have several subs but in real life it is very hard to several at the same time and keep everyone happy.

Doms are rare and have to spend time studing quite a few fields and their subs to be successful. They have to be able teach, train and love their sub/slaves and yet be able to walk away from them if it isn't a good fit for both. Think about the strength of character that requires.

I have spent time on this forum and feel I know most of the real Doms and the ones that only think they are real. Some of them I like some I don't since they aren't enough like me, but that doesn't mean that I don't respect them and their abilities that are different from mine.

Ladies if you have a real Dom think long and hard before you risk doing things that will cause him to look elsewhere. That doesn't mean that if you not compatible that you should just make the best of it. It means that if he fits you then serve him willingly stop expecting him to force you to serve. A little brat in a sub/slave is good but a lot is not my cup of tea.

[gemmy]

I've been noticing that too! It's strange, but the majority here do seem to be female subs, even in the Dominants area there seems to be more subs than doms posting lol

I think it only seems like more females as we are the chatty bunch in posts - I know in chat there are far more male subs around than are posting

And those Domly types seem to like to keep things close to their chests so it takes a little coaxing (or a sweet smile) to get them to impart their infinite wisedom hehe

[tydnchaynz{NSXX}]

i have to agree with gem on this one....suprise suprise, lol. i have met ALOT of male subs that don't seem to post, although they are quite a chatty bunch too!!
As for the Domly ones who do take the time to impart their wisdom....thank you. You help some of us a great deal with what you post.

[angelic.zest]

As few have stated most of the submissives on here are on here for cheap thrills, both female and males. I wont judge them, and i have no right to judge them, but as nei, and tyd have mention we are just more chatty, and open about certain things, "we meaning females" not saying the males arent, or that the Dominants arent but we just want to know and explore, and what better way then to Post a thread in our section, or speak with a few in chat rooms.

From what ive notice it seems to be like that in most chat rooms and in real life gatherings. More females compared to the quality of good Men out there. Both bdsm wise and 'nilla it seems to be more females, out and about with their wants, needs then there are with males.

I for myself dont post "starting threads" i usually read and take in my information and when i have a question, i will go to someone who's been in alittle longer then myself and ask them. As the sweet nei said, some just want to lurk and read, not post anything until they feel they have something valid to say lol..

[Whippett]

An interesting observation for sure, Mastersgem.

Well, I think while there probably are more subs than dominants here, generally female submissives, particularly, tend to like to chat and interact with each other more so than dominants.

Lol - too true Alex. We're all familiar with terms like sub-drop. One of the terms that rarely gets heard is "Dom-zone" - but it's a real condition - basically - it operates this way - put two Doms in the same space and they will get on each others nerves - just by being in the same general space. As with light, the drop-off is exponential - so two Doms within 5 feet of each other will 'hackle' 4 times as much as 2 Doms no closer than 10 feet.

I know a fair number of Doms and Dommes real-time - and find I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of Doms I feel comfortable around...I tend to become competitive when there's another Dom too close (kind of like two cats staring each other down for primacy - lol).

I seem to have less trouble interacting with Dommes - I don't know if that's a general thing between Doms and Dommes or not - I've never bothered asking that question before. Perhaps its because most of the Dommes I know tend to be Tops under Doms or are entirely lesbian.

The 'hackle*' factor impedes communication real-time - it doesn't seem as much of an issue on-line to me - but I still don't feel overly chatty with another Dom unless mutual respect exists.

(Hackle n, v - the rising of the fur along the neck ridge of a dog when it's preparing to defend its turf - in some Doms it's more akin to the display of a peacock. Also the area of the body that responds by 'hackling'.)

[fetishdj]

Assesing exact numbers would be difficult as that would involve some criteria as to what is a 'real dom' and what is a 'real sub'. Maybe putting together a questionaire to ask certain leading questions may help. i.e. rather than ask 'are you a real dom?' which will get the immediate 'yes' answer from many, including players and abusers, you need to consider questions that indicate the psychology of a true sub or Dom. Simple ones like 'how much real life experience have you had' can be asked as can more subtle ones like 'Your sub refuses to follow your direct command. Do you a) punish her severely by slapping her in the face b) tell her that she has lost some priveleges and that you will talk to her about this afterwards c).... etc. In this question I have a feeling that a) is an answer an abuser/wanabee would give while b) is more of a true Dom answer (though I am sure some of the Doms on here can give better options). Even more subtle psychological profile questions could also be added to this.

Of course a questionaire like this would be difficult to set up and require a proper psychologist to write along with at least one 'true sub' and one 'true dom' to act as baselines ... And, of course, how does one define a 'true' anything in the scene?

[cookiecat]

I have been with a Domly someone for about a year. It's taken me this long to realize what I have. When I first started exploring what being submissive meant - I think I was that "wanna-be" newbie girl. Was it something I liked as a fantasy or was it something I wanted in my real life?

I've been fortunate in my travels to meet knowledgeable, patient and experienced friends who set me in the right direction. But I think you get what you give. And for a while, I wasn't giving - instead, I wanted to get. Get tied up, get spanked, get forced. Angelic Zest called it cheap thrills. I don't know - I wasn't sure where to start or what to dowhen I started exploring D/s.

Currently, each time I've been uncertain or obstinate or unwilling, I've been met with patience and careful discipline. For a while, I've questioned if having this 24/7 is really what I want. Sometimes I ask the questions honestly and openly. And all too often, I was a reluctant sub and my actions almost drove Him away.

In the last several months, I've come to recognize what Sir Russell was referring to as that rare Dom. I like to think He's seen in me what's been lurking near the surface and He's taken the time to figure me out. No easy challenge! But now I realize it's time for me to appreciate exactly what I have by honoring and respecting the kind of relationship I'm in and the man I'm with.

They say a good man is hard to find. A good Dom? Even harder. And when you have both? I was going to say lucky me. But it's not luck, is it?

[Ozme52]

I do think there are more subs than Doms online, but I also suspect the "introduction" ratio is skewed due to the fact that it's percieved to be easier to introduce one's self as a newbie sub as opposed to a newbie Dom. It's pretty acceptable for a girl (or guy) to hop online and say "hi, I'm a new sub looking for guidance." The Doms pay attention as do the the other subbies (we're kind of a little social support group!). On the other hand, to say "hey, I'm a Dom but I have no real experience" leaves one open to be seen as a poser or not worth the time for the searching subs. Seems much more isolating.

Actually, I think the new dominants who say they are inexperienced get a lot of support. The ones who claim to be experienced but are only looking for inexperienced subs... and have little else to say... and answer every personal ad... are more usually the posers.

The bottom line is that the posers and wannabe's (as opposed to the 'want to be' which isn't a problem) reveal themselves all too soon... but usually after scaring away the new-to-the-lifestyle subs.