Abuse and BDSM - Is there a link?

[Aussiegirl1]

I have always wondered at the relationship between abuse and a later interest in BDSM. I know not everyone who is abused developed an interest in BDSM or that those who like BDSM have been abused.

I remember reading an article about a women who had been abducted when she was a teenager and forced to be a sex slave. She wrote how she had been made to endure whippings without a sound. She was eventually rescued and years later found she needed similar stimulation. She was at the time of writing the article in a BDSM relationship.

I would be interested in finding out more about this. Sorry if this thread in not in the right place, I wasn't quite sure were to put it.

Aussiegirl

[Brosco]

It seems the right place, but there are so many reasons why ppl end up in D/s... in fact many trace their feelings back to playing 'cowboys and indians' as kids... and even then, it was just something that sparked what was already a part of them.

There is no doubt that our lifes experiences influences our directions, but I believe that many of our experiences (positive or nrgative) spark what was hidden with in us anyway.

Brosco

[Aussiegirl1]

It seems the right place, but there are so many reasons why ppl end up in D/s... in fact many trace their feelings back to playing 'cowboys and indians' as kids... and even then, it was just something that sparked what was already a part of them.

There is no doubt that our lifes experiences influences our directions, but I believe that many of our experiences (positive or nrgative) spark what was hidden with in us anyway.

Brosco

very true Brosco, As a kid I would love it when the girl was kidnapped and tied up (though the same is true now)

Thanks for your thoughts.

[Ruby]

For a much longer discussion on this topic you can check out this thread:

http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php?t=2878
titled:
Very worried that current bdsm is caused by past abuse

As for me, I agree with Brosco. I think there are many things that can trigger our desires and interests in BDSM.

Heck, just watching some of the old serials or comics where the heroine/hero was captured, tied and waiting to be rescued every week could be a turn on.

I liked seeing Wonder Woman as well as the Batman/Robin combo all tied up with no place to go.
Even better when Catwoman did the domming.

[Aussiegirl1]

Thaknks Ruby,

Being new to the forums, I hadn't realised that this topic had been covered very well in the past. I appreciate the heads up.

[karisma]

I think there might be a connection for many people... atleast I think there are some for me... actually. Pretty fucked up though..

[Tojo]

I've always believed it's possible, particularly with women abused from an early age- or men for that matter I guess.

One of my partners always loved 'rough sex' & fantasies about being strangled & so forth. She had a lifetime of abuse, from an early age.

While I realise there's probably no such thing as a 'rape fantasy' in actual fact- many women who have a history of abuse seem to have them.

The thing is, the statistics are pretty darn high, last I heard 3 out of 5 women had suffered some sort of abuse sometime in their lives. Which doesn't take into account the unreported cases.

Kind of gives the impression that the majority of fantasies come from abused women?

Just my thoughts here anyway, & I've spent many many hours listening to people's stories.

This topic leads me to think of another related one, but this isn't the place for it really. I also hesitate to bring it up for fear of starting a big kerfuffle. I'll let someone else do that!

Tojo

[BdsmVirgin]

well i dont know if this is relevant but I was abused multiple times as a child, and well ... yeah.

[Aussiegirl1]

well i dont know if this is relevant but I was abused multiple times as a child, and well ... yeah.

I suppose as had been said above, sometimes it is just something we are born with, though you have to wonder. I hope you are on the way to recovering from your abuse. As someone who has not had to face such things, I can only imagine how it must influence your choices in life.

Thanks for your view.
Aussiegirl1.

[Uncle_Ed]

I remember reading an article about a women who had been abducted when she was a teenager and forced to be a sex slave. She wrote how she had been made to endure whippings without a sound. She was eventually rescued and years later found she needed similar stimulation. She was at the time of writing the article in a BDSM relationship.

:

Aussiegirl1
I think I am right when I refer to "Stockholm Syndrome" as the gradual attachment to and developing reliance on a kidnapper by the victim.
This was graphically illustrated a good few years back by the Patty Hearst incident. For those of you that haven't heard of this-Patty was a newspaper mogul's daughter who was kidnapped and consequently "turned" into a willing participant in an armed robbery.
There have been many similar events and I wonder if the same mechanism is at work where an abusee transfers feelings of dependance onto their abuser?
And later are driven to seek out further gratification?
I have no personal knowledge on which to base my thoughts but know that I have always been extremely careful in my dealings with subs. Us humans (and I do count myself as one) are quite delicate and it doesn't take much to send us over the edge.

-but lets not make things worse.

[Aussiegirl1]

Aussiegirl1
I think I am right when I refer to "Stockholm Syndrome" as the gradual attachment to and developing reliance on a kidnapper by the victim.
This was graphically illustrated a good few years back by the Patty Hearst incident. For those of you that haven't heard of this-Patty was a newspaper mogul's daughter who was kidnapped and consequently "turned" into a willing participant in an armed robbery.
There have been many similar events and I wonder if the same mechanism is at work where an abusee transfers feelings of dependance onto their abuser?
And later are driven to seek out further gratification?
I have no personal knowledge on which to base my thoughts but know that I have always been extremely careful in my dealings with subs. Us humans (and I do count myself as one) are quite delicate and it doesn't take much to send us over the edge.

-but lets not make things worse.

I am sure that the Stockholm Syndrome has some influence on this issue. It is amazing what the human brain will do to let people cope with the crap life can throw at us.

You are right that we need to take care how we treat each other. I am sure that your subs have appreciated your consideration.

[BdsmVirgin]

i think i could say i've recovered. I mean it was when i was very young. I mean, I don't think it's good to let it get in the way of my life. That'll probably just please him more.

Plus, it did help develop some good writing peices

[Aussiegirl1]

DBSM virgin,

Glad to hear you are not letting your abuse rule your life- good for you!

Aussiegirl

[BdsmVirgin]

thank you

[karisma]

Didn't even know there was a good word for it.. Stockholms Syndrome, that's something I can personally relate to even, scary. But well, whacha gonna do?! :P -- And i'm probably one of those good examples of people who when going trou shit which goes past the line I'll start manipulating myself in various ways to cope with it all. It's really weird, but i'm pretty aware of it being done, I just can't do anything about it since it feels as a natural deveopment of whatever thing it is. And when the 'adaptation' is complete it feels perfectly logical and natural.

[Aussiegirl1]

Didn't even know there was a good word for it.. Stockholms Syndrome, that's something I can personally relate to even, scary. But well, whacha gonna do?! :P -- And i'm probably one of those good examples of people who when going trou shit which goes past the line I'll start manipulating myself in various ways to cope with it all. It's really weird, but i'm pretty aware of it being done, I just can't do anything about it since it feels as a natural deveopment of whatever thing it is. And when the 'adaptation' is complete it feels perfectly logical and natural.

Interesting stuff Karisma. I am sure that if it feels logical and natural then you are doing what you need to do. We all do what we can to survive.

Aussiegirl

[Aussiegirl1]

Didn't even know there was a good word for it.. Stockholms Syndrome, that's something I can personally relate to even, scary. But well, whacha gonna do?! :P -- And i'm probably one of those good examples of people who when going trou shit which goes past the line I'll start manipulating myself in various ways to cope with it all. It's really weird, but i'm pretty aware of it being done, I just can't do anything about it since it feels as a natural deveopment of whatever thing it is. And when the 'adaptation' is complete it feels perfectly logical and natural.

Sorry about repeating the reply, the site went down just as I was sending the first one. What can you do?

I think we all have to adapt to change, but some are better at it then others.

Aussiegirl.

[karisma]

Interesting stuff Karisma. I am sure that if it feels logical and natural then you are doing what you need to do. We all do what we can to survive.

Aussiegirl

But does not that bring into question what is actually ment to be and what is not. I mean, I know that if you feel something it can't be denied, no matter what actual/factual reason and backround the creation/uprising of said feelings are. But it is still a wee debateable.. in some way.. damnit, I killed of my own point in the opening statement.. Oh well, I guess it doesn't matter.

I guess my line of thought was that, if you feel/is forced to change yourself, should you really have to.. And if you've changed yourself becouse of it, is that change of good or bad due to it not being soley a personal independant decition. I'm talking jibberish never mind! lol

[Aussiegirl1]

Karisma, I suppose what I was trying to say is that life throws us a multitude of experience, both good and bad. It is how we cope with those experiences that make us who we are. Some of the strongest people I know have had to face terrible things in their life. As they say, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Aussiegirl

[Tojo]

Karisma, I suppose what I was trying to say is that life throws us a multitude of experience, both good and bad. It is how we cope with those experiences that make us who we are. Some of the strongest people I know have had to face terrible things in their life. As they say, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Aussiegirl

Amen to that. It's also some of the nicest people that have been through all sorts of crap.

Tojo