Personal attacks

[Borgs_slave]

I have been active on some other forums for a good while and one has just become so unpleasant. I have only been on this site one day and have not seen the flaming that is present on the other. Why is it people feel the need to personally attack someone that doesn't agree with them instead of discussing something? I think if it is allowed to go on then it will. So why let that continue on your site? All I can say is I am glad to be here.

[denuseri]

wellcum hugs Borgs slave, hope yu enjoy the site here its nice to meet you, thankfully this site doesnt promote flamers, its nice to be able to express ones views without worrying about being slammed just for being different, i mean really everyone is intiteled to thier opinion, but if ones opinion is just character assasination etc, whats the point, nothing constructive happens from that,my Husband/Master and i shopped around you might say before deciding on this site as the best we could find on the web for our way of life and such,, hope you continue to enjoy it as we have

[stripedangel]

Welcome, Borgs slave! i have seen another site where the flaming is out of control, as well. This one is not one of those, the mods and admin work very hard to enforce the no-flaming policies, and i think they do a wonderful job.

[Borgs_slave]

...chuckles... welcome aboard! In my view, people generally "flame" when they are insecure with themselves--it's a defensive mechanism--they go on the offensive & subconsciously use that to feel better about themselves--it's useless & a waste of time.
But in any case... Glad to have you here... as for the lack of flaming on these boards, the answer is simple: it's just not tolerated here. There are 2 forums admins (Widget & Alex_Bragi) and a Site Admin (Torq), who keep the standards high and the boards clean and do a great job with it. I hope maybe to see you in chat at some point!

Enjoy the site.

delia

I think you hit the nail on the head with that one! I'm sure I will be in the chat rooms when I get some extended free time to chat.

[sisterhoney61 {RW}]

I know what you mean, Borgs slave! I belong to a board that is mostly for women (though there are men there as well). There are lots of forums there, on parenting, health, fashion and beauty, etc., as well as sex boards. However, the vast majority of the people on the sex boards are vanilla. There are some people there who use sex toys or light bondage or might have sex with the lights on (those kinky freaks!), but that's it. Everyone on the sex boards there knows that I'm a collared submissive, live the BDSM lifestyle and call my husband Master, instead of the usual DH (though I will call Him that on the non-sex boards).

Well, one day a woman posted a question asking for advice on how to become multiorgasmic. Since I always have multiples, I gave her some advice about what Master and I did. Then after she thanked me for my advice, another poster said this to me in her post:

What is this Master sh*t!
I don't know why it REALLY bothers me..but it sounds so freakin immature and I feel like it is degrading to women.
Of course your still going to post it because this is what you do...but I think it is really pitiful sounding.
And I KNOW no-one cares what I think...and it's not nice to write this to you...but I can't help it!

On that forum you can send in violations of their terms of service, which is what I did, telling them that it was a personal attack. Then another poster e-mailed me, letting me know that she had also reported that post as a violation of TOS and that the particular moderator of that board did as well. And that post was removed from the board itself. As for the poster I replied to her that everyone on the sex boards knows that I call my husband my Master and that I wasn't going to get into a useless debate with her about my lifestyle of choice and also that I was putting her on ignore. I could have really ripped her a new one, but I decided to just be calm and collected about it. I'm fine with the vanilla people on the sex boards there saying something like, "Well, that lifestyle isn't for me, but I'm glad that you're happen with your relationship with your Master." That personal attack that poster gave me was simply uncalled for.

I'm glad that you like it here, Borgs slave. Please come join U/us in the chat room sometime. W/we have some really good people here. I've belonged to several other BDSM forums before I came here, and this is by far the best of them. I felt welcomed from the first day I was here.

[bellelapine]

I actually came across this forum looking for a sub (haha) for another forum I used to frequent. The crap that happened there (as it was a gaming/general discuss anything forum) was mainly that 'little girls shouldn't play in the intellectual sandbox'. I began feeling unwelcome by a lot of the members of the forums because of my affliation with my Sir and because my inability to let people be ignorant.
I couldn't discuss my lifestyle because "no one wants to learn about kinky shite on a forum, if they did they'd pm and ask you". So here I am. I love this site and the wonderful people who frequent here as well. I feel really welcome and it'll take a few wild horses to pull me away from the great community I feel I've found here.

[butterflySlave4u]

I have been active on some other forums for a good while and one has just become so unpleasant. I have only been on this site one day and have not seen the flaming that is present on the other. Why is it people feel the need to personally attack someone that doesn't agree with them instead of discussing something? I think if it is allowed to go on then it will. So why let that continue on your site? All I can say is I am glad to be here.

this site is well watched out for by our moderators, it is safe to express an opinion here....

i suppose i've been lucky, as this is the first BDSM forum i've ever become a part of. Judging by the posts here, i've struck gold

[fetishdj]

Good moderation and good people is the way to not get flames. And I think Trolls are too scared of some of us. For some reason... no idea why., Its not as if we'd hurt them unless they asked us too..

[denuseri]

we do have a certian way of making trollers uncomfortable dont we lol

[_ID_]

some people flame out of personal insecurity. Some flame towards the outright idiocy of the one they are flaming.

IMO each site has its qualities.

[bellelapine]

Too true IDCrewDawg. I have to admit I've had the displeasure of interacting with some persons on a forum that didn't have the mental capacity to breath and walk at the same time. The painful appearance of their typing and immoral and idiotic ideas led me to believe that it was a gerbil with a massive tumor on their cerebral cortex walking on the keys than someone human actually trying to communicate.
However I try to avoid coming to that step in my posting, there's just some buttons that I don't let anyone push. I really don't get the feeling I have to worry about that here.

[Tojo]

Well this place has it's moments, but on the whole it's very well moderated right now.

I found a 13 page thread on a forum yesterday, which consisted of a guy promoting a product, & people bagging him. The thread was eventually locked, but 13 pages??? Good grief.....

The majority of disagreement seems to be through people being unable to accept criticism- insecurity as delia says.

When you believe in yourself, you can welcome criticism- you know it's probably unfounded, but it never hurts to listen!

[fallenstar]

i suppose i've been lucky, as this is the first BDSM forum i've ever become a part of. Judging by the posts here, i've struck gold

i feel the same.. this is the first forum i came to and i loved it so i stayed.. i didnt realise how Bad some of the other forums are

[~faerie~]

This is the first BDSM forum i have been a part of. Being relatively new to the lifestyle, i was extemely shy at first. This is a great place to meet like minded individuals. Everyone promotes a friendly, open learning environment here. i have come out of my shell quite a bit over the last 8 months. This is a wonderful place to be. i am so very glad to have found this site and interacted with all of the people that i have met here. Thanks to the staff for giving us such a wonderful place to be.
There is so much controversy and misunderstanding of our lifestyle it is sad when we are not more tolerent of eachother. We are a community despite all of our differences and we should support eachother as such. I agree with the fact that those who do flame and slam the lifestyle are very insecure about themselves. We hate in others what we hate more in ourselves.

[ashtonDs]

Originally posted by ShyGreenEyedGrl:
This is the first BDSM forum i have been a part of. Being relatively new to the lifestyle, i was extemely shy at first. This is a great place to meet like minded individuals. Everyone promotes a friendly, open learning environment here.

I agree totally, well except for the shy part. In r/l I'm more reserved. Here? Well sometimes I just can't shutup.

On a more serious note, as you read and begin to participate, you learn the dynamic here and how people relate. I read a thread where someone took offense to a comment another reader posted. I thought uh oh, here we go. But something strange happened. They worked it out. It turned out to be a misunderstanding. (Disappointing for people who like to see blood fly though )

It taught me a lot about the people here, and how to handle potential conflict. You have to cut folks some slack in a forum. We can't see the face of the speaker, so some of the subtleties of communication are absent; we can't hear their voice, so it's harder to pick up on humor or sarcasm; and there can be days or weeks between reponses in a conversation. Thats why we have to , hehe, *blush*, or -run away laughing-.

omg I just realized something, subtleties, subtle ties. Wow I'll have to learn some of those! -runs away laughing-

[tessa]

Why is it people feel the need to personally attack someone that doesn't agree with them instead of discussing something?

Because some just lack the knowledge of how to be even slightly decent to others? That, or maybe it's 'cause some people are just bent on being pissy.

Reasonable, even if heated, discussions are what make this site great. But the "13 pages" of ridiculous inanity makes no sense anywhere. I'm glad that sort of thing doesn't happen too often here.

[Dea Menrfa]

Sometimes certain communities (hobbyists/like-minded folks) are so small that people know each other well, for long periods of time. Conflicts and personality clashes are inevitable. (I belong to another forum where this is true.)

New members of the forum do not know the history or conflict issues that may already be present.

On the other hand, there are myriads of personalities out there who like to stir the pot.

So far on this forum, I have found 99.9% of the posts to be thoughtful, educational, respectful &/or fun loving. All are great to have on a forum.

Thanks to those of you who set this place up and keep it friendly. I'm so glad after so many years that I got up the courage to join.

[TomOfSweden]

I think it's a question of maturity. There's nothing wrong with attacks as such. If arguments aren't attacked there's no life in a forum. So we need them. We only know if an argument is good if it's been attacked and the attack failed. But this is an art. Understanding when other target your arguments and not you, is a question of maturity. I think this is at the heart of the matter in any forum which has descended into personal attacks. This is what moderators are for. To let the less mature know when they're just being silly.