Demon_Master's 2nd Assignment

[pejanon]

Craft a short story or a scene in which a person (either sex) is temporarily blind. It can be a blindfold, a pitch black room or any other means you want. It can be a first person or a third person narrative but maintain the blind person’s viewpoint.

Any genre and no word limit.

Happy writing.

[Demon_Master]

This proved to be alot more difficult and challenging then thought, requiring the senses that I hadn't considered or had not explored with an open mindedness before. Here is My 2nd assignment, I hope its up to snuff. DM

[pejanon]

I am looking forward to reading it as soon as the attachment is approved.

Did you have problem pasting it here?

[Demon_Master]

Will repost it tomorrow in wordpad...this MSWord hang up is annoying. I hope it meets with your approval, DM

[Demon_Master]

Here you go Pej...sorry, will ALWAYS post in wordpad to avoid future problems...DM

[Demon_Master]

I have tried renaming to submit in wordpad, and it still will not post...any ideas, help, answers?

[Liam Naisson]

Go to your acpplication. Press CTRL + A. Press CTRL + C. Come to here where you enter the text for your post. Press CTRL + V. That should fix it.

[Demon_Master]

Trying what was posted to help...i hope it works:

It was the start of another beautiful day, until I got summoned to chambers. The knock on my door and the two hulking male “escorts” who informed me of Mistress’ wishes made me nervous and wonder. My Mistress was upset; I had no reason or clue as to why when I was promptly led to her.
Knocking softly, begging entry into her domain, I promptly kneeled with head bowed to the floor, answering her summoning as trained. Her sweet voice gently rang out; my sadistic Goddess beckoned me to her feet. Scurrying, I quickly knelt before her promptly applying lips to boot in an attempt to appease my One. She was my life, my love, and my world, to have her angry or upset with me was inexcusable, something I dreaded more than death itself.
Two massive hands grabbed my arms, lifting me to my feet and held me firmly spread in place as Mistress rose and stood before me. A black pillowcase hood was pulled over my head and tightly secured when I heard her voice. Her tones were calmly sadistic; her words chilled me to the bone as she spoke, when I heard the staccato clack of her heels directly in front of me.
I felt the cold steel of her blade against my flesh as my "girly" pink tank-top was pulled upward slightly from the matching panties and I knew I was in trouble. The flat of the blade danced as Mistress spoke softly, always threatening, always teasing, yet I knew she meant business and had something dreadful in mind for this slave.
Blinded to her desires, Mistress tingled and teased my flesh, drawing the cold steel across my nipples before slicing the tank from my flesh with one quick flick of her wrist. The shredding noise surprised me as well as her ferocity in doing so and I could do nothing except stand as trained and wonder what was next. My ears perked, hoping to home in on any sound since my sight was gone as to what was to come next.
Mistress’ talons softly touched my chest, lightly grazing my flesh before she raked them downward hard and fast. I winced and nearly crumbled, crying out in surprise when I felt a hand on my waistband and cold steel against my thigh. She teased, shaving the blade slowly up the outside of my thigh coming to rest just underneath a seam of my “panties”. I heard a slight snicker escape from her lips when I felt the blade begin shaving its way closer towards my manhood. I froze, not daring to twitch a muscle, as Mistress danced her steel to and fro only mere millimeters from my most valued possession that she totally owned.
Feeling Her grasp the front of my very girly briefs, Mistress tugged them slightly downward, Her blade still poised dangerously close to my hardening meat. And why wouldn’t it be. I was before the woman I worshipped and loved and she was “playing” with me. With another slight tug, my swelling serpent emerged, dancing rhythmically before her.
The steel was removed with another quick flick of her wrist as were my panties, falling into a heap around my ankle, and I knew I was bare for all to see. I felt a slight breeze as I heard a movement; Mistress grabbed my hood and pulled me close as she whispered in my ear.

“MMM, just the way I like you slut, feeling vulnerable, hard and naked before Me.”

Licking my lips in anticipation and fear of the unknown, I meekly responded, “Yes Mistress.”

“But I am NOT going to tell you what is in store for you, but rather let you feel as things happen slut. You will be tested today, your limits found, and your desire to please known.”

I listened keenly to Her sadistic melodious voice, scared and excited, as thoughts raced through my mind of Mistress’ cruelly loving touches on my flesh when my arms were forcefully grabbed again and I was led, stumbling blindly along, to the implement of Mistress’ choosing…Her sawhorse, where I was quickly bound hands and neck, bent over for Her “amusement”. I heard chains rattle as my hands were locked in place and felt a thick leather strap pulled and tightened across my the back of my neck, quickly getting the feeling very similar to the people placed in stocks of the olden days. Bound tightly, with nowhere to go, my heart and mind raced wondering of what was to come. Vulnerable was one word that kept running through my head. I was bound, blindfolded, and bent over and strapped to Mistress’ sawhorse. Not a good place to be if She is upset with you. Hearing the tap of Her heels and feeling a wisp of air pass my vulnerable backside, I knew Mistress was close…and ready to begin.

WHOOSH…CRACK!

Rivulets of sweat broke out on me as the terrorizing sound of Mistress’ whip exploded like a gunshot mere inches from my hooded head. I froze up fearing the worst with my vulnerable backside puckering up well past its limits. Another deadly crack detonated even closer and the leather from Mistress’ well oiled whip came to rest on the flesh of my bare back. I felt its full length, sprawled out somewhat coiled nearly covering my back completely. With a flick of Her wrist, Mistress’ slowly pulled the whip teasingly down my flesh, slithering it slowly down through the crack of my backside with every inch of its menacing length teasing my pucker as it slowly worked its way onto the floor behind me and ready for Mistress to direct again.

WHOOSH…CRACK! Mistress found Her mark…My left shoulder blade!

I winced, half stifling a scream of burning pain as the slick oiled leather crept its way back down along my flesh again. Seeming to have Mistress’ thoughts in mind, the whip dragged itself sinfully through my pucker bringing a sense of unease and erotic curiosity with it. But I could not worry about that right now as I tried dealing with the stinging burn that was etching its way deep into my soul.

WHOOSH…CRACK! Mistress again found her mark…My right shoulder blade!

If I was not bound bent over Her sawhorse, I would have collapsed as I screamed out in pain and surprise. The whip bit into my flesh, feeling like it was trying to eat me alive; starting with my shoulder and arm. Whimpers and sobs began flowing from under my hood as my flesh felt on fire. There was a clack of Mistress’ heels and I suddenly felt Her talons on my bare backside seductively clawing their way up my body. She pressed down hard on the recently whipped flesh as a finger teased its way through my crack and stopped pressing hard on my rosebud.
I heard a muffled snicker as I felt Her finger poke and prod my most private of openings teasingly, testing me and my “willing” spirit. She pressed on, and my pucker slammed shut with each and every poke bringing about another cackle from my Mistress. It was then that I knew just what She meant by my limits would truly be “widened” and tested today.

[Demon_Master]

TYVM....IT Worked...and I got the assignment posted! And I will remember this for future uses...Thanx agin very much for the help. DM

[pejanon]

Sorry about the delay.


Demon_Master, you did a good exploration of a ‘blind’ experience. It is a tricky task. His fear and apprehension are palpable. Removing some of the descriptions of what is she doing, so that he (and the reader) really does not know what is going on would make it even stronger.

You style is too descriptive and some of it is just too redundant. Instead of using so many descriptives and having one or two adjectives with almost every noun – try finding the one word, which fits the best. Such style can bring the scene to life, but, more often, it suffocates the essential elements with superfluous and often repeated details. A reader can get lost in all of it.

In addition, please, PLEASE, read (preferably aloud) your own story before submitting.

It was the start of another beautiful day, until I got summoned to chambers. The knock on my door and the two hulking male “escorts” who informed me of Mistress’ wishes made me nervous and wonder. My Mistress was upset; I had no reason or clue as to why when I was promptly led to her.

Knocking softly, begging entry into her domain, I promptly kneeled with head bowed to the floor, answering her summoning as trained. Her sweet voice gently rang out; my sadistic Goddess beckoned me to her feet. Scurrying, I quickly knelt before her promptly (he already knelt prompty) applying lips to [COLOR="Red"] (her) boot in an attempt to appease my One. She was my life, my love, and my world., (New sentence) to have her angry or upset with me was inexcusable, something I dreaded more than death itself. (Please re-read this paragraph and find a way to say it more simply).


Two massive hands grabbed my arms, lifting me to my feet and held me firmly spread in place as Mistress rose and stood before me. A black pillowcase hood was pulled over my head and tightly secured when I heard her voice. Her tones were calmly sadistic; her words chilled me to the bone as she spoke, when (new sentence: Then) I heard the staccato clack of her heels directly in front of me.


You try to describe too many things happening at the same time. Consider honing it all down.

I felt the cold steel of her blade against my flesh as my "girly" pink tank-top was pulled upward slightly from the matching panties and I knew I was in trouble. The flat of the blade danced as Mistress spoke softly, always threatening, always teasing. (new sentence) Yet I knew she meant business and had something dreadful in mind for this slave.

Blinded to her desires, (who is blinded? It is not clear) Mistress tingled and teased my flesh, (she is already teasing in the previous paragraph – move ‘my flesh tingled’ above) drawing the cold steel across my nipples before slicing the tank-top from my flesh with one quick flick of her wrist. The shredding noise surprised me as well as her ferocity in doing so and I could do nothing except stand as trained and wonder what was next. My ears perked, hoping to home in on any sound since my sight was gone as to what was to come next.(no need to restate the obvious and repeat ‘what was next’).

Mistress’ talons softly touched my chest, lightly grazing my flesh before she raked them downward hard and fast. I winced and nearly crumbled, crying out in surprise when I felt a hand on my waistband and the cold steel against my thigh. She teased, shaving the blade slowly up the outside of my thigh coming to rest just underneath a seam of my “panties”. I heard a slight snicker escape from her lips (redundant) when I felt the blade begin shaving its way closer towards my manhood. I froze, not daring to twitch a muscle, as Mistress danced her steel to and fro only mere millimeters from my most valued possession that she totally owned.

Feeling Her grasp the front of my very girly briefs, Mistress tugged them slightly downward, Her blade still poised dangerously close to my hardening meat. (how does he know that?) And why wouldn’t it be.? I was before the woman I worshipped and loved and she was “playing” with me. With another slight tug, my swelling serpent emerged, dancing rhythmically before her.

The steel was removed with another quick flick of her wrist as were my panties, falling into a heap around my ankles, and I knew I was bare for all to see. I felt a slight breeze as I heard a movement; Mistress grabbed my hood and pulled me close as she whispered in my ear:

“MMM, just the way I like you slut, feeling vulnerable, hard and naked before Me.”

Licking my lips in anticipation and fear of the unknown, I meekly responded, “Yes Mistress.”

“But I am NOT going to tell you what is in store for you, but rather let you feel as things happen slut. You will be tested today, your limits found, and your desire to please known.”

I listened keenly to Her sadistic melodious voice, scared and excited, (new sentence) as thoughts raced through my mind (I was thinking) of Mistress’ cruelly loving touches on my flesh when my arms were forcefully grabbed again and I was led, stumbling blindly along, to the implement of Mistress’ choosing… (The sentence is too long and you have an adjective on almost every noun.) Her sawhorse, where I was quickly bound (on Her sawhorse) hands and neck, bent over for Her “amusement”. I heard chains rattle as my hands were locked in place and (new sentence) felt a thick leather strap pulled and tightened across my the back of my neck, quickly getting the feeling very similar to the people placed in stocks of the olden days. (do you need this? How does he know what they felt?) Bound tightly, with nowhere to go, (redundant) my heart and mind raced wondering of what was to come. Vulnerable was one word that kept running through my head. I was bound, blindfolded, and bent over and strapped to Mistress’ sawhorse. (again?) Not a good place to be if She is upset with you. Hearing the tap of Her heels and feeling a wisp of air pass my vulnerable backside, I knew Mistress was close…and ready to begin.

WHOOSH…CRACK!

Rivulets of sweat broke out on me as the terrorizing sound of Mistress’ whip exploded like a gunshot mere inches from my hooded head. I froze up fearing the worst with my vulnerable backside puckering up well past its limits. Another deadly crack detonated even closer and the leather from Mistress’ well-oiled whip came to rest on the flesh of my bare back. I felt its full length, sprawled out somewhat coiled nearly covering my back completely. With a flick of Her wrist, (this is the third ‘flick of the wrist and he never sees it) Mistress’ slowly pulled the whip teasingly down my flesh, (new sentence: It slithered) slowly down through the crack of my backside with every inch of its menacing length teasing my pucker as it slowly worked its way onto the floor behind me and ready for Mistress to direct again.

WHOOSH…CRACK! Mistress found Her mark…My left shoulder blade!

I winced, half stifling a scream of burning pain as the slick oiled (it was well oiled in the paragraph above, it redundant and it slows down the narration) leather crept its way back down along my flesh again. Seeming to have Mistress’ thoughts in mind, the whip dragged itself sinfully through my pucker bringing a sense of unease and erotic curiosity with it. But I could not worry about that right now as I tried dealing with the stinging burn that was etching its way deep into my soul.

WHOOSH…CRACK! Mistress again found her mark…My right shoulder blade!

If I was not bound bent over Her sawhorse, I would have collapsed as I screamed out in pain and surprise. The whip bit into my flesh, (new sentence As if) it was trying to eat me alive; starting with my shoulder and arm. Whimpers and sobs began flowing from under my hood as my flesh felt on fire (redundant again) . There was a clack of Mistress’ heels and I suddenly felt Her talons on my bare backside seductively clawing their way up my body. She pressed down hard on the recently whipped flesh as a finger teased its way through my crack and stopped pressing hard on my rosebud. (Her fingers found their way to my rosebud…)

I heard a muffled snicker as I felt Her finger poke and prod my most private of openings teasingly, testing me and my “willing” spirit. She pressed on, and my pucker slammed shut (how did it do that?) with each and every poke bringing about another cackle from my Mistress. It was then that I knew just what She meant by my limits would truly be “widened” and tested today.

[Demon_Master]

It seems I hAve a tendency to overkill a description...will work on the rewrite and try to curb the adjectives. I found this to be a hard lesson to write, thinking I need some if not ALL of the wording...but i definitely see yourr points and will be well taken and heeded. Thanx...DM

[Demon_Master]

Here you go, the rewrite and hopefully Alot better.

[Demon_Master]

It was the start of another beautiful day, until I got summoned to chambers. The knock on my door and the two hulking male “escorts” who informed me of Mistress’ wishes made me nervous and wonder. My Mistress was upset; I had no reason or clue as to why when I was promptly led to her.
Knocking softly, begging entry into her domain, I promptly kneeled with head bowed to the floor, answering her summoning as trained. Her sweet voice gently rang out; my sadistic Goddess beckoned me to her feet. Scurrying, I quickly knelt before her promptly applying lips to boot in an attempt to appease my One. She was my life, my love, and my world, to have her angry or upset with me was inexcusable, something I dreaded more than death itself.
Two massive hands grabbed my arms, lifting me to my feet and held me firmly spread in place as Mistress rose and stood before me. A black pillowcase hood was pulled over my head and tightly secured when I heard her voice. Her tones were calmly sadistic; her words chilled me to the bone as she spoke, when I heard the staccato clack of her heels directly in front of me.
I felt the cold steel of her blade against my flesh as my "girly" pink tank-top was pulled upward slightly from the matching panties and I knew I was in trouble. The flat of the blade danced as Mistress spoke softly, always threatening, always teasing, yet I knew she meant business and had something dreadful in mind for this slave.
Blinded to her desires, Mistress tingled and teased my flesh, drawing the cold steel across my nipples before slicing the tank from my flesh with one quick flick of her wrist. The shredding noise surprised me as well as her ferocity in doing so and I could do nothing except stand as trained and wonder what was next. My ears perked, hoping to home in on any sound since my sight was gone as to what was to come next.
Mistress’ talons softly touched my chest, lightly grazing my flesh before she raked them downward hard and fast. I winced and nearly crumbled, crying out in surprise when I felt a hand on my waistband and cold steel against my thigh. She teased, shaving the blade slowly up the outside of my thigh coming to rest just underneath a seam of my “panties”. I heard a slight snicker escape from her lips when I felt the blade begin shaving its way closer towards my manhood. I froze, not daring to twitch a muscle, as Mistress danced her steel to and fro only mere millimeters from my most valued possession that she totally owned.
Feeling Her grasp the front of my very girly briefs, Mistress tugged them slightly downward, Her blade still poised dangerously close to my hardening meat. And why wouldn’t it be. I was before the woman I worshipped and loved and she was “playing” with me. With another slight tug, my swelling serpent emerged, dancing rhythmically before her.
The steel was removed with another quick flick of her wrist as were my panties, falling into a heap around my ankle, and I knew I was bare for all to see. I felt a slight breeze as I heard a movement; Mistress grabbed my hood and pulled me close as she whispered in my ear.

“MMM, just the way I like you slut, feeling vulnerable, hard and naked before Me.”

Licking my lips in anticipation and fear of the unknown, I meekly responded, “Yes Mistress.”

“But I am NOT going to tell you what is in store for you, but rather let you feel as things happen slut. You will be tested today, your limits found, and your desire to please known.”

I listened keenly to Her sadistic melodious voice, scared and excited, as thoughts raced through my mind of Mistress’ cruelly loving touches on my flesh when my arms were forcefully grabbed again and I was led, stumbling blindly along, to the implement of Mistress’ choosing…Her sawhorse, where I was quickly bound hands and neck, bent over for Her “amusement”. I heard chains rattle as my hands were locked in place and felt a thick leather strap pulled and tightened across my the back of my neck, quickly getting the feeling very similar to the people placed in stocks of the olden days. Bound tightly, with nowhere to go, my heart and mind raced wondering of what was to come. Vulnerable was one word that kept running through my head. I was bound, blindfolded, and bent over and strapped to Mistress’ sawhorse. Not a good place to be if She is upset with you. Hearing the tap of Her heels and feeling a wisp of air pass my vulnerable backside, I knew Mistress was close…and ready to begin.

WHOOSH…CRACK!

Rivulets of sweat broke out on me as the terrorizing sound of Mistress’ whip exploded like a gunshot mere inches from my hooded head. I froze up fearing the worst with my vulnerable backside puckering up well past its limits. Another deadly crack detonated even closer and the leather from Mistress’ well oiled whip came to rest on the flesh of my bare back. I felt its full length, sprawled out somewhat coiled nearly covering my back completely. With a flick of Her wrist, Mistress’ slowly pulled the whip teasingly down my flesh, slithering it slowly down through the crack of my backside with every inch of its menacing length teasing my pucker as it slowly worked its way onto the floor behind me and ready for Mistress to direct again.

WHOOSH…CRACK! Mistress found Her mark…My left shoulder blade!

I winced, half stifling a scream of burning pain as the slick oiled leather crept its way back down along my flesh again. Seeming to have Mistress’ thoughts in mind, the whip dragged itself sinfully through my pucker bringing a sense of unease and erotic curiosity with it. But I could not worry about that right now as I tried dealing with the stinging burn that was etching its way deep into my soul.

WHOOSH…CRACK! Mistress again found her mark…My right shoulder blade!

If I was not bound bent over Her sawhorse, I would have collapsed as I screamed out in pain and surprise. The whip bit into my flesh, feeling like it was trying to eat me alive; starting with my shoulder and arm. Whimpers and sobs began flowing from under my hood as my flesh felt on fire. There was a clack of Mistress’ heels and I suddenly felt Her talons on my bare backside seductively clawing their way up my body. She pressed down hard on the recently whipped flesh as a finger teased its way through my crack and stopped pressing hard on my rosebud.
I heard a muffled snicker as I felt Her finger poke and prod my most private of openings teasingly, testing me and my “willing” spirit. She pressed on, and my pucker slammed shut with each and every poke bringing about another cackle from my Mistress. It was then that I knew just what She meant by my limits would truly be “widened” and tested today.

[Nikita]

DemonMaster,

I tried to re-read this edited version of the story, closely following pejanon's comments. You didn't do half of the grammar corrections.

Please address the matter.

Nikita

[Demon_Master]

ok...will give it another try.....DM

[Demon_Master]

It was the start of another beautiful day, until I got summoned to chambers. The knock on my door and the two hulking male “escorts” who informed me of Mistress’ wishes made me nervous and wonder. My Mistress was upset and I had no clue as to why when I was promptly led to her.
Knocking softly, begging entry into her domain, I kneeled with head bowed to the floor, answering her summoning as trained. Her sweet voice gently rang out; my sadistic Goddess beckoned me to her feet. Scurrying, I quickly began applying lips to boot in an attempt to appease my One. She was my life, my love, and my world. To have her angry or upset with me was inexcusable, something I dreaded more than death itself.
Two massive hands grabbed my arms, effortlessly lifting me to my feet and held me firmly spread in place as Mistress rose and stood before me. A black pillowcase hood was pulled over my head and tightly secured in place before I heard her voice. Her tones were calmly sadistic. Her words chilled me to the bone. Then I heard the staccato clack of her heels and knew Mistress was directly in front of me.
I felt the cold steel of her blade against my flesh as my "girly" pink tank-top was pulled upward slightly from the matching panties and I knew I was in trouble. The flat of the blade danced as Mistress spoke softly. I knew she meant business and had something dreadful in mind for this slave.
I was blinded to her desires as Mistress tingled and teased my flesh, drawing the cold steel across my nipples before slicing the tank from my flesh. The shredding noise surprised me as well as her ferocity in doing so. I could do nothing except stand as trained and wonder as the remains fell to the floor. After what seemed like an eternity of silence, my ears perked, hoping to home in on any sound.
Mistress’ talons softly touched my chest, lightly grazing my flesh before she raked them downward hard and fast. I winced and nearly crumbled, crying out in surprise. My muffled cries fell on deaf ears I knew all to well when I felt a hand on my waistband and Her cold steel against my thigh. She teased, shaving the blade slowly up the outside of my thigh coming to rest just underneath a seam of my “panties”. I barely heard the audible slight snicker that escaped from her lips when I felt the blade begin slowly shaving its way closer towards my manhood. I froze, not daring to twitch a muscle, as Mistress danced her steel to and fro only mere millimeters from my most valued possession that she totally owned.
Feeling Her grasp the front of my very girly briefs, Mistress tugged them slightly downward; Her blade was still pressed against my inner thigh, still dangerously close to my hardening meat. And why wouldn’t it be. I was before the woman I worshipped and loved and she was “playing” with me. With another slight tug, my swelling serpent emerged, dancing rhythmically before her.
The steel was removed as were my panties, falling into a heap around my ankle. I knew I was bare for all to see. I felt a slight breeze as I heard a movement; Mistress grabbed my hood and pulled me close as she whispered in my ear.

“MMM, just the way I like you slut, feeling vulnerable, hard, and naked before Me.”

Licking my lips in anticipation and fear of the unknown, I meekly responded, “Yes Mistress.”

“But I am NOT going to tell you what is in store for you, preferring to let you experience and appreciate them as things happen slut. You will be tested today, your limits found, and your desire to please Me known.”

I listened keenly to Her sadistic yet melodious voice, scared and excited. I had thoughts race through my mind of Mistress’ cruelly loving touches. My arms were forcefully grabbed again and I was led, stumbling blindly along, to the implement of Mistress’ choosing. I was quickly bound on Her sawhorse bent over for Her “amusement”. I heard chains rattle as my hands were locked in place and felt a thick leather strap pulled and tightened across the back of my neck. Bound with nowhere to go, my heart and mind raced wondering of what was to come. Vulnerable was one word that kept running through my head. Not a good place to be if Mistress is upset with you. Hearing the tap of Her heels and feeling a wisp of air pass my vulnerable backside, I knew Mistress was close…and ready to begin.

WHOOSH…CRACK!

Rivulets of sweat broke out on me as the terrorizing sound of Mistress’ whip exploded like a gunshot mere inches from my hooded head. I froze up fearing the worst with my vulnerable backside puckering up well past its limits. Another deadly crack detonated even closer and the leather from Mistress’ well oiled whip came to rest on the flesh of my bare back. I felt its full length, sprawled out somewhat coiled nearly covering my back completely. Mistress’ slowly pulled the whip teasingly down my flesh, slithering it slowly down through the crack of my backside with every inch of its menacing length through my pucker as it slowly worked its way onto the floor behind me and ready for Mistress to direct again.

WHOOSH…CRACK! Mistress found Her mark…My left shoulder blade!

I winced, half stifling a scream of burning pain as the smooth leather crept its way back down along my flesh again. Seeming to have Mistress’ thoughts in mind, the whip dragged itself sinfully through my pucker bringing a sense of unease and erotic curiosity with it. But I could not worry about that right now as I tried dealing with the stinging pain that was etching its way deep into my soul.

WHOOSH…CRACK! Mistress again found her mark…My right shoulder blade!

If I was not bound bent over Her sawhorse, I would have surely collapsed as I again screamed out in pain and surprise. The whip bit hard feeling like it was trying to eat me alive; starting with my shoulder and arm. Whimpers and sobs began flowing from under my hood. There was a clack of Mistress’ heels and I suddenly felt Her talons on my bare backside seductively clawing their way up my body. She pressed down hard on my recently whipped flesh when I felt Her finger pressing hard on my rosebud.
I heard a muffled snicker as I felt Her finger poke and prod my most private of openings testing me and my “willing” spirit. She pressed on, and my pucker slammed shut; clamping down tightly on Her invading digit prohibitively with each and every poke. This brought about another cackle from my Mistress, only spurring Her on further. It was then that I knew just what She meant by my limits would truly be “widened” and tested today.

[pejanon]

This is much better. Very hot and picturesque if I may say that for a story which happens mostly in the dark.

You prose is still over abundant. Of course, it is a matter of style but please remember: a flashy phase should have some purpose and not just sound good. Too many of them and too many details and the scene becomes watered down and fuzzy.

One of the more difficult things is: knowing what is important and what are the best expressions for the particular scene are. THAT brings the scene into focus.

Your next assignment is coming up

[pejanon]

Write a short story, a scene or a segment based on the following premise:

Two strangers meet and find out they already met under different guises or different identities.


Please focus on the characterization.

Any genre, no word limit.

Happy writing.

[Demon_Master]

TYVM for the comments...I gotta learn to rein in the overkill/verbage...like I think you're trying to politely say an old adage: K.I.S.S. Keep it short and simple/to the point...
Thanx for ALL the help, DM....getting ready to look at the next 1...and hopefully get it right the 1st time...

[Demon_Master]

My 3rd is gonna be fun...difficult, but ddefinitely fun....Thank You!

[pejanon]

I am glad it will be fun, that IS the point after all.

It does not have to be short m but keeping it to the point is as a good idea.

May I repeat Nikita's advice: read it aloud to yourslelf before you post it. That is a very good way to proof your own work.

I made a mistake and did not creat a new thread for the third assigment. I will do so. Please respond in that thread.