Are You A Slave?

[hotjypsy]

I am posting this in honor of a very dear friend of mine.
Enjoy.
~ Hotjypsy

In our world "all slaves are submissive (sub's) but not all subs are slaves".

In the more traditional or older practiced protocols, the slave is the highest form of submissive. To be recognized as a slave is an honor and a form of accomplishment. In a sense with traditional lifestyle practitioners, a sub plays at living it. A slave lives it. This is a common view among long time RT (real time) BDSM folks much to the dislike of VT or virtual (cyber ) players.

This piece of writing isn't about cyber. It is a Traditionalist point of view about sensual slavery as a real lifestyle, not a cyber-sex (chat room) diversion or escape.

I am here to help you ask the question, "Am I a slave ?"

The sub:


*
 Does pleasing and serving others give you a strange sense of inner satisfaction?

*
 When you were young did you always love to play the captured one or the slave girl/boy?

*
 Did you have to be the one who served the tea at the make believe tea parties as a little girl ?

*
 Does the thought of being owned, being property turn you on?



A submissive is one who hears the calling to submit, to surrender their control to another and not only obey, but serve.

A sub lives to give of themselves to another; to see the needs of their Dominant come first. In doing this, the submissive fulfills a deep, aching, silent void within them.



Do not think just because someone is a submissive they are weak. To the contrary, some of the strongest individuals I know are sub's and slaves. Within BDSM there is a saying, "I'm submissive, not stupid ". What this ultimately means in my eyes is with "if you look down upon a submissive for being so, you have totally missed the whole point... and you're an asshole.



The "sub" differs from the slave in key area's. Technically, as much as I dislike it, you can "be" submissive and it is something you can "do".
A submissive has a laundry list of things they will NOT do and conditions they will only serve under.



With the proliferation of on-line BDSM chat rooms and cyber "wannabes" the line between sub and slave has been seriously blurred.
It is not uncommon now for the term "sub" or "slave" to be used interchangeably when in essence they ARE different things.

 From my perspective, as a long time, real life practitioner, if you are Married or cyber, you can be a sub. However, until you are at the feet of your Dom (or Dominant) with their collar around your neck, you can't be a slave in the true sense of the term. If you are married and your Dominant is someone other than your spouse, I don't see how you can truly be a slave.
The old saying applies here, "you can't serve two Masters (Mistresses)".


The Slave:



A slave is everything a sub is, but has taken it to a higher plane. Being a slave isn't something you just do, a slave is something you ARE !
It is more than submission, it is a state of mind; a state of complete and total spiritual surrender of your empirical essence to another. For a slave, life is about service, to their Dominant and others.

A true slave lives to not only give pleasure, but be enjoyed as well. For a slave, there is NO greater pleasure than for their Master or Mistress to set them upon a task, use them sexually or have them used.



A slave in essence has few or NO limits. Their Dominant has absolute control over their, life, body, mind and soul. They find the act of someone having such power over them an immense turn on and comfort, which completes their whole being.

There are many forms of service but for simplicity I'm going to break it down into three:

The Pleasure slave:



This is probably the most common form of service otherwise known as sexual service.

Everyone talks about pleasure slaves, many even make the claim but few truly understand what it really means or entails. A true pleasure slave exists to be used sexually. You have no say about when, where, how or who. That is now the right of your Dominant to decide, not you. Within this concept there are some givens which I will mention.

 You are property or chattel, however you are valued property and your Master or Mistress WILL NOT, should NOT place you at serious risk.

In other words, if your owner chooses to "give" you to another for their enjoyment, is the Dominant's responsibility to ensure safe sex or other arrangements are made.

 A pleasure slave usually is a highly sexual being, or is trained to be.

A smart Master or Mistress knows it is unwise to ever allow a pleasure slave complete satisfaction, for they are meant to be in a state constant sexual excitement. The latter is very important. Pleasure slaves understand they exist for one thing (basically) and one thing only; and they are to be ready at all times.


Do you have what it takes to be a pleasure slave?



* Does the thought of being tied down, bent over and being used (Insert gratuitously fucked here) excite you?


* Do you find yourself dreaming of being a sexual object boy / girl toy a central theme in your fantasies?


* Have you found, during your past sexual encounters, you enjoyed pleasing your partner more than pleasing yourself?


* Is there a deep sensual fire burning within you to be set free?


* Do you find yourself wanting it all the time?


* At the core of your being are you a (for lack of a better word) a SLUT?


* Does the thought of someone else having complete control over your
 sexuality for THEIR pleasure call to you?


* Are you often consumed with thoughts of being loaned or rented out to others for their pleasure ?


* Do you want to be owned?


* Can you let go of everything that you think you are in order to find yourself?


* Are you intelligent, outgoing and capable of learning?




The Domestic slave:



There are those who get great pleasure and dream of life revolving around "Domestic" service. A Domestic slave is just as dedicated as a pleasure slave but their calling is serving the needs of their Master's or Mistress's household.

The best Domestic slaves enjoy picking up after their owners. They are consummate cooks, neat, orderly and it is their personal duty to protect their Dominants Castle from the forces of dirt. With a competent domestic slave at hand, a Dominant have never want of a clean shirt or warm meal.
The Dominant is the spiritual backstop or anchor of their life. They are the caretakers of order for the Dominants universe.




The Business Slave:



They are often called, "Executive assistants", "personal companions", "personal secretaries" and other such mundane names. Often they are not only a slave but an employee in some cases as well. Like the Domestic slave they bring order to a Dominant's universe, except they do it not only at the Dominants feet but in the business arena as well.

It is not uncommon for the business slave to be responsible for running their Dominant's business and still be a total slave in mind, soul and body. Don't let this duality fool you, it is more than possible for a devoted slave, and competently run a multinational company. Being a slave is a reflection of WHO you are, not necessarily what you are capable of accomplishing.

 


Final Thoughts and points:



If you think being a slave is easy, mindless and a great escape from the responsibilities of your life decisions, you're wrong!

What makes an outstanding slave is this:



A great slave is intelligent, dedicated, motivated and loyal.

They understand the Master (Mistress) / slave relationship is built on a foundation of trust and a consuming need to serve.

Within their absolute surrender, they realize being a slave is HARD work and are not afraid of it.



Do not think the Dominant has it easy either. A slave requires immense care, time and work. A Dominant should not even consider taking a slave in a 24/7 relationship until he or she has matured. This is where many inexperienced Dominants set themselves and the slave in their care upon the road to disaster.



If you have made it this far, either in your heart or soul you "hear the call". If you don't, I hope you have been enlightened. If you do, look within, accept who and what you are. You have a road before you. Do you have the guts to walk that road?



If you truly are a slave soul, then you must follow it. If you don't you shall know NO peace until you do. There will forever be a singular void within your spirit you'll neither understand nor vanquish. This I know, "slave soul". I am your Yin. You are my Yang.

We are two parts of a whole, a never-ending balance of opposing needs, locked together forming a singular and powerful universe and spiritual bond.

[MMI]

I am posting this in honor of a very dear friend of mine.
Enjoy.
~ Hotjypsy

A submissive has a laundry list of things they will NOT do and conditions they will only serve under.



As an internet "wannabe" rather than a real-life practitioner, maybe I'm not qualified to comment. But that sort of thing has never stopped me before! So here goes.

This is an interesting post, but doesn't the above encapsulate the difference between sub and slave: a sub still has ultimate control over what she/he will or will not do, whereas a slave has surrendered everything.

But then, thinking about it a little more, isn't anything done willingly simply submissive, even surrendering everything. Surely a slave has "lost" everything: she/he doesn't give - it is taken from her/him. And, by that argument, many of the so-called slaves in this room are really subs who have given everything.

[badlyguidedlittlemis]

This post has irritated me on a few levels. It comes across as one of those posts which dictates "This is how BDSM is done, you are not a slave unless you do x/y/z"
I am sure it is not intended to be like this, and I know some people will find comfort and inspiration from it but there is not one way of doing anything in this 'lifestyle'.

I am a submissive to my dominant and at his feet is where I love to be, I will never be his slave because that is not what we want but that does not mean I am any less than a slave as this post suggests. Slaves are not on a pedestal above me, nor I above someone who is a 'bottom'.

I think we should stop putting people in boxes, giving the impression that one type of submission is better than another etc etc. My relationship is defined by what my dominant and I want, I won't have anyone tell me how I should and shouldn't submit to him and what rules he should or shouldn't impose on me.

[cadence]

A slave may in fact "surrender all" to thier Master, however I don't believe that they give up all control.
Even the most experienced BDSM'r has limits. There is of course a negotiation process, and there will always be limits. A submissive(slave) without limits is a scary thing to me.


I am in agreement with badlyguidedlittlemiss, and I think that labeling is in fact what it is.

Not that the above post is unreasonable, I have scoured the net for the definition of slave vs. submissive and come up with basically the same stuff.
I still am confused as to what the difference really is.

For me a slave is just a term that someone prefers to use over the word submissive.

[hotjypsy]

Thank you to all your replies. I am interested in hearing more.

I do agree the message is full of labels. I am not one for labels.

For me, the relationship between D/s M/s or D/p (whatever your label) is, for lack of a better word... sacred. It is not just sex or online cam play until you are board and find the next one.

It is something that takes time. Communication and honesty are so important. It is a growing process, which is hopefully getting better with each passing day, each moment, each barrier broken, each lesson learned, each task completed. Complete trust in one another. two halves of the coin.

The same for many, I know, but nice to hear each individuals ideas and thoughts. BDSM is like spicy food. So many wonderful varieties and levels of intensity.

It was interesting for me to hear this elder's Doms thoughts on the matter. He is a good friend and a delight to speak with.

These are his thoughts I've posted with his permission.

Again, thank you to all who have shared their thoughts.

~J

[Ozme52]

A slave may in fact "surrender all" to thier Master, however I don't believe that they give up all control.
Even the most experienced BDSM'r has limits. There is of course a negotiation process, and there will always be limits. A submissive(slave) without limits is a scary thing to me.


I am in agreement with badlyguidedlittlemiss, and I think that labeling is in fact what it is.

Not that the above post is unreasonable, I have scoured the net for the definition of slave vs. submissive and come up with basically the same stuff.
I still am confused as to what the difference really is.

For me a slave is just a term that someone prefers to use over the word submissive.

To a large extent, I agree. There can be no "defining line" where sub stops and slave begins. Everyone will place it at a different spot along the "submissive" continuum.

I think the arguement here, would be that all the negotiations, conversations, and discussions of limits of the submissive versus the needs of the dominant will have been worked out and if they agree, only then does the dominant take on the slave... and going forward the slave no longer has any say, trusting that the dominant will be 99% consistant, only pushing boundaries that new circumstances create.

Regardless, I don't think one type of submissive ranks above or below another... and unfortunately these types of posts or articles always seem to give off that impression.

I will say it would be nice if someone learned how to include the online world into the picture rather than dismiss it as diluting the meaning and blurring the lines.

You all know I totally prefer real life and use online for making acquaintances and future real life friends... but online is very real to those who prefer it, or need D/s to be totally online... I wish people who view themselves as traditional or old school or even just "real life is better" school, would stop trying to run the online school down.

[hotjypsy]

You all know I totally prefer real life and use online for making acquaintances and future real life friends... but online is very real to those who prefer it, or need D/s to be totally online... I wish people who view themselves as traditional or old school or even just "real life is better" school, would stop trying to run the online school down.

I agree with this. Both on line and real life have their pros and cons.
As far as On line is concerned: I have made many wonderful friends on line and have learned much. Being online has opened up a world of wonderful people to me and new thoughts that otherwise I would not be able to afford to access.

thank you
~J

[hopperboo]

I get the impression from many that a slave is considered to be "better" than a submissive.

A slave does, this, a slave is that, a submissive...well they are just always aspiring to what they haven't and can't obtain - slavehood.

A person who has no limits, no laundry list of things they won't do...hmm. I don't think that is healthy. There should always come a point where a "no" comes in.

Dominant: I am going to tie you. Sub: Yes.
Dominant: I will use you. Sub: Yes.
Dominant: You will jump off a bridge. Sub: NO.

See. It's good to have limits. The person that doesn't have any just jumped off that bridge and splatted everywhere.

[hopperboo]

Sorry.

It was lagging and posted twice. *Arg.*

[lucy]

I get the impression from many that a slave is considered to be "better" than a submissive.

You took the words right out of my mouth (or is it the keyboard?)

[Flaming_Redhead]

A slave is the epitome of submission. However, a slave is only "better than" a submissive in terms of personal preference. Not all dominants want that much responsibility. Not all submissives want to give up that level of control. Although slavery may not be for everyone, there is generally some admiration by those in the lifestyle for those in M/s relationships because of the level of committment, trust, respect, etc., which are things not taken from the slave but freely given. On the other hand, there are those who point the finger and cry "unhealthy" at things they don't understand because of their own trust issues or sheer ignorance.

On a side note, what really irks me is this constant "I'm just as (insert lifestyle term) as a real life/lifestyle (insert lifestyle term)." I'm sorry, but if you're online or a weekend warrior, you're NOT *just as* (insert lifestyle term) as someone who is real life or 24/7. Guess what? It doesn't matter if you are or aren't (insert lifestyle term) as someone else. It should only matter to the people involved in the relationship. The bickering starts when you try to claim you're something you're not to others to make yourself feel more (insert adjective). Being open-minded and accepting doesn't mean you can piss on my leg, tell me it's raining, and expect me to believe it! *end of rant*

[MMI]

Although I thanked you, Flaming Redhead, for what I think is a useful post, there are things I disagree with.

Why can't a "weekend" dominant be as dominant as any other? In all probability, he's being dominant in other ways during the rest of the week, but expresses his sexual dominance when he's relaxing.

Our disagreement over whether a slave gives herself, or is taken is probably due to semantics. To me a slave is forced to do her master's will and she has no other option unless she manages to free herself, or is rescued. It is not consensual. She is truly owned and must suffer her fate, which might be pleasant, or it could be horrendous. Think of the poor Ukrainian girls who are duped into prostitution in Western Europe, and who are kept in their brothels until they are sold on or become useless as a sex object.

Very little is said about what happens next.

I know you will say, "Ah, but that's not lifestyle" and I agree: it isn't - it's slavery.

Lifestyle is consensual, and even if a sub surrenders total control, she can take it back whenever she likes. Such a sub might call herself a slave because of her absolute submission, but, to me, she is simply adopting a word from outside the lifestyle.

[~faerie~]

ok, i'm gonna put my two cents in....i just can't help it
as a sub you have choices and limits, thse things don't necessarily change if you decide to give up all your rights to become His slave. slavery isn't taken it is given. a good Master will most likely honor the important limits you have, that is his respect and honor for you. And you have earned that through the completeness of your submission.
Of course there are most definitely things that will change, that is why you gave up your rights. You felt that need to go beyond all that you have known, and you know He will take you there. He will most likely push you further that you ever thought you could go, He will make sure your slavery is complete. in that you will find your freedom, your bliss, your peace. It will become your greatest challenge to be all that he wants you to be.
and in being a pleasure slave doesnt not necessarily mean your needs will not be met. they may only be met when, if, and how He wishes, but a good Master knows that keeping their slave ready for them requires lots of practice Mine feels His most pleasure in the fact that he can keep making me cum harder and longer for him no matter what he is doing to me. so i am always ready no matter what, He doesnt have to with hold anything. A good Master will always know what pleases his slave as well. for in knowing that,He uses that to keep them in their place. since what we do is all about what pleases Him, are we all not pleasure slaves in one aspect or another. Pleasure does not always mean sexually. His pleasure may come form having a warm meal or his slippers and coffee in the morning.
in the manner of being a sub versus a slave, a sub can give as totally as a slave, they just choose to do it in thier own way. and that is just fine. If that is what makes them happy and feeling their bliss, who cares what you are called. It is all about pleasing your Dom/Master
all Doms do not want or need to be Masters either, just as all subs dont aspire to be slaves. it is all about the comfort level between the couple. We are who we are.
Respectfully,
Shy

[DowntownAmber]

The slave vs sub semantic battle will likely remain one of those great unresolved issues of Lifestyle verbiage for me. As MMI most recently pointed out, even one that is labeled a slave is a slave by consent and with the power to rescind their commitment at any time.

Granted, it may take an extreme act for them to do so, but they still have that power regardless.

So, how do you really define a Lifestyle slave then? For me it's like trying to pin down what it takes to be an artist - as my friend L (who is a painter) is fond of repeating, "Amber, the only criteria required to be an artist is to posses the ability to say, 'I am an artist.' It's one of the only jobs where no one can actually prove you otherwise."

And please, before the irrational flaming begins because someone's blood sugar is low today, no, I do not think all or even most Lifestyle slaves just decided to announce that they are what they are because they thought it sounded sexier than being just a "plain ol' sub." Those I have met that bear the title tend to be extremely devoted to all aspects of their service and are frankly some wonderful girls (sorry guys, I don't really know any male slaves well).

As for the "which is better?" or "deserves more respect?" debate between subs and slaves that these threads inevitably seem to fan the flames of; how about instead of judging people by how they choose to represent their submission or how often, we give them credit for how well they apply themselves to the role they have individually taken on? What's better about a slave that shirks her contracted obligations than a sub that gives 110% of herself each time she sees her Dom, even if it may only be once every couple of months?

A lot of folks think that to be a doctor, for example, is to have a career that deserves instant respect and a higher level of social regard as opposed to say, being a mechanic. However, if I'm given the choice between a lax doctor and a dedicated mechanic, guess which one is going to have my respect? Too many variables folks, sorry, no one role gets any instant admiration from this girl. Simply, whatever you choose just do your best to be your best at it.

[DowntownAmber]

On a side note, what really irks me is this constant "I'm just as (insert lifestyle term) as a real life/lifestyle (insert lifestyle term)." I'm sorry, but if you're online or a weekend warrior, you're NOT *just as* (insert lifestyle term) as someone who is real life or 24/7. Guess what? It doesn't matter if you are or aren't (insert lifestyle term) as someone else. It should only matter to the people involved in the relationship. The bickering starts when you try to claim you're something you're not to others to make yourself feel more (insert adjective). Being open-minded and accepting doesn't mean you can piss on my leg, tell me it's raining, and expect me to believe it! *end of rant*

I gotta say I'm the first one to raise an eyebrow when someone who has never felt a flogger and has never had a good crash coming down outta' subspace tries to tell me how it should feel and how I should respond to it. I do also giggle a bit at the girls that think they just look cute in the "outfits" or the guys that figure if they call themselves a Dom it'll be easier to score with those "easy subbie chicks."

However, how submissive or how Dominant you are does not depend on how much experience you have or how you choose to explore it. Sure, real life experience refines and defines a lot of uncertainties, but being (insert lifestyle term here) is like labeling yourself a slave: no one gets to define your reality but you.

A gal on another forum I read occasionally broached the question as to whether or not one can be a sub if one is without a Dom. Lack of a partner, or having a partner on the other side of a computer screen, does not change who you are on the inside. This gal, whether she's physically on her knees actively serving or not, is still one of the most beautifully submissive personalities I've come across, and actively seeks to engage and understand her submission which is more than I can say for some of the 24/7 Lifestylers I've met.

Being a (insert lifestyle term here) isn't like getting an Engineering degree, it's an inner essence we nurture or we don't.

[thepast]

Just a short rant...
Here is what I have never understood... to whom are you defending YOUR way of life? Slave, sub, whatever... you are what works for you. I just don't get why people get their guns out about this issue when it's brought up...I am not saying any one person in this thread has said any one thing that fits into the category of "defensive", but reading this thread top to bottom does make one wonder...

... if you're a sub, great, you're a sub. If you're a slave, great, you're a slave. If you're something in between, that's fantastic if it works for you. Why does ANYONE let someone ELSE tell them what they should feel/be/act like?? If you get upset everytime this issue is brought up, and you find yourself getting verchlemped (sp?) then you have to ask yourself: what's making you feel so uncomfortable?

OP was simply stating some very broad & well accepted "generic" notions of the differences between slave & sub--what OP thought they were. Y'all are, of course, free to contrast & compare them with your ideas and post your notions of it... but really.... it all boils down to making it what works for you. So for newbies reading this thread: you have to do what works for you!

And you know what? What you are changes in the short term, and, for some, changes in the long term. You might be slide more towards one end then another on Monday, and slide to the other end on Wednesday. It's called the ebb & flow of LIFE... You have to try things out, everyone's situation is different, everyone's notion of what they want is different--and thank god. You wouldn't want 10,000 of the same type of couple wandering around.

Celebrate the differences. Have a discussion about your philosophies... but for the love of GOD... please just remember: you are YOU--you are like NO ONE ELSE... be proud of who you are... be proud of what you are becoming. Stop obsessing about what other people may label you as or think of you as. It doesn't matter: the only opinion that matters is your own...

Just my rant.

[~faerie~]

delia...i just luv you to pieces. *hugs*

[MMI]

All special interest groups devote a lot of time and effort studying and explaining themselves. Philatelists write reams about the joys of stamp collecting. Astronomers meet together to discuss canals on Mars, and whether it snows there or not. Computer geeks email each other about why they can't get girl-friends ... no, that's different!

It's partly self-justification, and it's partly self-promotion. But it's also preparation for having to explain what you do and why it interests you to people who don't share, and who perhaps don't (cannot?) understand why you do it.

And by exchanging views in a friendly environment, you get mutual support and perhaps new perspectives that you would never have thought of yourself.

I've said elsewhere that I think the BDSM community is perhaps too self-absorbed and overanalytical, but I acknowledge that the process is a necessary one.

[fellintobed]

I've said elsewhere that I think the BDSM community is perhaps too self-absorbed and overanalytical, but I acknowledge that the process is a necessary one.

The ability to understand and respond to the desires and needs of both yourself and your partner (which seems central to successful BDSM) would also seem to necessitate self-absorption (aka self-awareness) and overanalysis (aka pushing yourself to learn more, grow more, never settle for surface impressions). In other words, we act this way because, to one extent or another, we ARE this way. And it's perfectly fine.

The same desire for power that leads people to become Doms or subs (I do believe submission is a form of power) can also lead people to want to be a 'better' Dom than that other one, a 'truer' sub than that other one. Hence, I suspect, the whiff of better-than-thou in the original post's comparison of submission and slavery. It'd be shocking if a bunch of bodybuilders got together and not one muscle was flexed to show off strength and (deliberately or no) say "This is who I am, prove yourself better or acknowledge my power" - and then the competition begins.

There is one strongest bodybuilder. There is one truest sub. The question is, does it matter? Does it affect your domination, to know that there are others out there also dominating, perhaps going farther than you? Does it affect your submission to know that you're part of a looseknit, seldom-acknowledged community of people? If it does matter, then channel your jealousy into self-improvement. If it doesn't, relax and take another swat to the ass.

[MMI]

Well said.

[kingkayaker]

WOW i didnt thin about it this way hmm

[acero]

hii hotjypsy, you should become a member

[acero]

After readin hotjypsy thread, I'm def a sub and much much likely a pleasure slave, hehehe, if I only have a Mistress or Master that I'd fall for, definitely I'd do it :P:P

[Guest102708b]

I am in every way a slave. a sexual, a pleasure, a domestic..........Not so much as a work slave as Im not working right now much but as soon as Master decides what kind of job he wants me to have, ill be that too...

[denuseri]

Well I am what I am, (breaks out the spinnich)

terminology is what my owner defines for me,

you can hate it or love it....just dont get in the way of it.