How come BDSMLibrary is so nice?

[bambina]

Seriously, I have never met a nicer online (or offline) community. Nobody judges anybody. No threads ever get derailed for long because the participants have such respect for the original poster. I'm actually the most hostile one here (I popped off at the mouth at someone once who shared a different view than my own). But that's as about as extreme as it gets. You go to ANY other site and there is always trouble. Even if the site is based on togetherness. There is always somebody who is at ends with somebody else. There are always cliques. There are always trolls. But not here. The Admins don't even have to set people straight that often. I find this amazing. Why is it that the people here are just soooooooo nice, helpful, and sweet? Especially since, behind closed doors, a lot of us can turn into S&M freaks (in a good way where our whips do the talking and our knees to the walking.

[Maitresse_Emeraude]

Just talking for me, but I'm here mostly in hunt of new sluts to love and command, but i do follow this rule:

"If you want the whores to behave, be nice to them when meeting them."

[MissConfused]

bambina I think everyone here is so nice because we all understand who we are and what we want
As you, I have been on other websites where it was quite clear the forum was populated with "freaks"

I think if you look closely enough you will see there are some affairs going on but the really heavy things are occuring in PMs

Glad to have you here and glad to see you fit in so well

[AdrianaAurora]

Maybe its because we accept ourselves for who we are and are too busy exploring that to be mean to other people. The only time I "popped off at the mouth" (love that term!!!) was when someone overstepped in dealing with one of my young sub friends. Since starting to write my blog a lot of them contacted me and I shocked myself at how protective of them I feel, (not that I imagine myself big sister or anything special, but if I have been there - and they ask for it - I share my opinion/experience and support whatever they decide for themselves).

And you are not hostile, lol, its charming that you have such strong convictions, but not all things work for all the people all the time.
Time and experience will no doubt mellow you, but don't ever give it up.


Adriana

[bambina]

Awesome. I guess it's just such an amazing thing for such a place to exist. I'm am just so use to being treated like crap because of my fetishes. I mention rape fantasy and people get defensive.

"Fantasy?! You have no idea what it's like to be raped! Believe me, it is no fun at ALL! So watch what you say LITTLE GIRL because SOME of us here know enough to realize that rape is nothing to play with!"

And this is coming from fellow fetishists. I'm just glad that such a community could be so perfect.

[hopperboo]

Seriously, I have never met a nicer online (or offline) community. Nobody judges anybody. No threads ever get derailed for long because the participants have such respect for the original poster. I'm actually the most hostile one here (I popped off at the mouth at someone once who shared a different view than my own). But that's as about as extreme as it gets. You go to ANY other site and there is always trouble. Even if the site is based on togetherness. There is always somebody who is at ends with somebody else. There are always cliques. There are always trolls. But not here. The Admins don't even have to set people straight that often. I find this amazing. Why is it that the people here are just soooooooo nice, helpful, and sweet? Especially since, behind closed doors, a lot of us can turn into S&M freaks (in a good way where our whips do the talking and our knees to the walking.

There are problems on any site. I'm sure this one included.

HOWEVER. I think they do a very good job here at keeping it between the person/people that have an issue, and I think they tend to catch threads quickly before things go to far astray.

I have to admit, the last two BDSM boards I was on (year/s ago) I was banned from because I had a different opinion that other people. I was waiting to have the same thing happen here and I was trying to not get to comfortable.

I like how the moderators/admins post a warning on the threads BEFORE they ban you. People will back off (me included) and try to be more polite if they get a warning instead of just banning them outright.



Edited to add: As for trolls, I sense a zero policy here. I love boards that don't keep around the "drama" to kick up business.

[denuseri]

It might be becuase we rub honey all over the server each day.

Or it might be becuase the site is a Library instead of a dateing service/singles bar.

[GenieInABottle]

Theres also a lot of kissing and hugging going on here...it's hard to be mean in a place where theres so much love in the room...lol

[lucy]

Or it's simply because the freaks hang out in other places and the people here are from the nice and polite half of the internet.

But on a serious note: i know only two other sites and both seem to be as friendly and polite as this here is, so i am a bit surprised to hear that on other sites there's always trouble

[leo9]

Oh, I do know what she means, I've been on some that were a bear-garden.

I think it's because it's officially an adjunct to the Library. People just looking for a place to sound off don't find it. It's kind of like having an intelligence test to get in :-)

[fetishdj]

It might be becuase we rub honey all over the server each day.

Or it might be becuase the site is a Library instead of a dateing service/singles bar.

I thought it was because we make sure the server is shagged on a regular basis by a team of ever ready sluts...

Or is that the purpose of the honey? To attract the sluts and add some spice to the proceedings?

Seriously, it is because we are beyond doubt the bestest and most awesomist and greatest and least naffest bunch of kinky pervs in the entire galaxy if not the entire universe. If there is a bunch of greater people in the universe I haven't met or been tied up and whipped by them yet

Actually, that wasn't all that serious... REALLY seriously... good moderation, respect for each other and our beliefs and a healthy dose of some strange concept known only to the mystics as a 'sense of humour'. There are some on some other online places (and not just in kinksville) who do not understand the ancient mystic zen like benefits of the latter...

[MMI]

We're nice to lure you in ...

[bambina]

Awww MMI....I'm a small woman...

[Daumon]

i think its the popel that you meet when you come into the chat right off. Everyone is nice, friendly and often silly. The trolls and abusers get ignored or politely told to go elsewhere. since they get few responces to things tat might set people off in other chats. They quickly go away since its hard to have a one sided arguement. People here are mature even when they are silly. Its all good natured fun.

Daumon

[Tufty]

What??? People being nice????? How dare they!!!!

I've always found people here to be a friendly crowd, right from the day I joined

[justintheman]

you're right bambina, there are other bdsm forums out there but there's always trouble, and not here. Maybe something in the history of this one....

[bambina]

I hope this post doesn't jinx it. That would suk.

[igachu80]

Bambina, I have to totally agree with you. This is the single most tolerant group of people I've ever known--not just about fetishes, either. As for the rape fantasy: you know, I think if it's not common, it's at least more common than people suspect. My ex had a similar fantasy, and we both rather enjoyed it. It's not something I'd ever talk about with people you meet on the street, though. They can't separate fantasy from reality. (And they think WE'RE messed up!)

[tired.of.vanilla{DJ}]

i think its because if we subs misbehave...we get tattled on and our Dom/me's take care of it quick! *wink*

but no really...it is a wonderful place. and frankly i think the lack of cyber in chat is a HUGE part of that. We do not attract the wrong crowd.

[Logic1]

Good people draw good people. It could be that easy
otoh some good people left us so..
It aint all honey and strawberries all the time, not even here.
I think mainly the "heated" discussions goes on in the politics and religion parts lol.

[poppabelgarion]

As an irregular to the forums, I have to agree that there seems to be one helluva lot of kindness about. Everytime I browse through the forums, I see what BDSM should be....... a lot of tolerance, a lot of talking about O/our specialized kinks, and maybe most importantly, a lot of fun.

People come here to read the stories, yes, but they also help each other by TALKING and not FIGHTING with each other. Of all the various forums I have belonged to, this is the most stable and sane. Many other forums and their respective members tend to be too "cliquey" whereas here, everyone no matter what their status, or stage in their journey of BDSM, is made welcome and included.

[IAmCanadian]

I agree.

I wish people would take the ideals that make the BDSM-related threads so constructive, honest, tolerant and friendly, and apply them every time they make a post in the Political section of the forum.

The Political forum tone is so different from the tone of every other section of the site, it's a shock to the system. If you're into bestiality, age-play, racial fetishism, or slapping women around in the context of sex, you'll get a very constructive, warm reception here. The posts will be kind, honest, and even in the case of a dissenting opinion, provision will be made to allow an alternative view, with apologies if any offense was given.

But heaven help you if you're a liberal and you go into the Political forum. No quarter is given, and if you believe a certain way and can't handle those beliefs getting ripped apart, you better stay the fuck out. I'm not saying people actively go out of their way to bash liberals in the Political forum. All I'm saying is, thread after thread, you will find post after post after post filled with people claiming to explain why your beliefs are stupid. And they are not held to the same standard of constructive argument that moderators enforce out here. So it can be very jarring.

- FS

[shayna{L_D}]

Oh oh i wanna take a stab at why we are so nice!!

all the replys up there are true but i like to think of it as, we are all here for the same reason, to grow as a person, submissive, and or Dom/me. We all share advice, and need advice. We all have been in certain situations and dont want to see the other person hurt emotionally or physically.

about the mods, yeah they are pretty good at keeping the good people and the troll out. Now lets just say ive almost been banned a time or two for poppin off at the mouth but like Hopper said they warn you before you do get banned in hopes of changing your attitude

this is the frist forum/bdsm website ive ever been on and its a great site to be on, i dont venture to any other bdsm forum sites bc this one,in my eye, is the best. Whenever i have a question or opinion everyone listens and or gives answers and advice and its more then one person its TONS of people giving you a bunch of different ways to view your situation and or a different way to take action.

[Ragoczy]

But heaven help you if you're a liberal and you go into the Political forum. No quarter is given, and if you believe a certain way and can't handle those beliefs getting ripped apart, you better stay the fuck out. I'm not saying people actively go out of their way to bash liberals in the Political forum. All I'm saying is, thread after thread, you will find post after post after post filled with people claiming to explain why your beliefs are stupid. And they are not held to the same standard of constructive argument that moderators enforce out here. So it can be very jarring.

I think there's an inherent difference between the kind of kink-oriented discussion elsewhere on the site and the concept of political discussion.

Kink is a "well, it's not mine, but it doesn't hurt anybody, so if it makes you happy"-kind of thing if you disagree with it -- at least with this group, because everyone's outside the norm as far as society's concerned, so there's less judging of what's really personal preference and doesn't impact others.

Politics, on the other hand, is inherently an "I'm right/you're wrong"-topic. Political beliefs impact political decisions -- and the political decisions of individuals impact others. As an example, a political belief in nationalized health care in the US impacts me, despite the fact that I disagree with it and think it'll harm the country.

Getting pissed on isn't my thing, but other people like it and them doing it doesn't impact me or harm anyone, so why would I criticize? But nationalizing health care will impact my standard of care and personal economics, so it's a different mindset.

Political debate is inherently about attacking/defending positions. That's entirely healthy and appropriate, since if someone can't defend their positions, it's probably a sign that they should think about it more.

I was once extremely pro-death penalty. I went into a conversation with someone with that belief and came out an hour later with a "holy fuck, what was I thinking"-moment. I got there because I was forced to defend my belief against his attacks and arrived at the point where he'd asked a question that I simply couldn't answer within that belief system.

If he'd simply said "well, you're entitled to your opinion, but I disagree", then I'd have gone about my business without changing that belief -- he didn't. He attacked my position, viciously, in fact, because he thought my position was wrong, immoral and harmful to others. In the end, I had to agree that he was right -- and that act of questioning myself because I couldn't defend myself to another made me a better person.

[delish]

I belong to another (non-kink related) forum that is (also) exceedingly respectful, friendly and intelligent. A lot of posters here have said that part of the reason this place is nice is because of the atmosphere- it's not a singles bar. It's informative and supportive and fun, and that tends to drive trolls away. I'm at my other forum much more frequently than I am at this one, so I'll offer my opinion about why that one is so good and you can decide if any of it applies here.

The moderators are excellent. I think some of them are assholes and control freaks (in a bad way ), but I also think they moderate the board very efficiently. They built up an atmosphere of respect, by promoting respectfulness. In my 3 years there, I haven't been witness to any favoritism. They create a dialogue when there is a conflict and are very clear about what is and is not acceptable. This makes it sound like the rules are prohibative, but they aren't.

And, as someone said above, nice people draw other nice people. You really do reap what you sow. And who wants to troll a board where nobody rises to the bait, but instead tries to have an intelligent conversation or ignores the comment entirely? No place is perfect, but sometimes it can feel that way. Now I just need to figure out how I got in there, and here...

[damyanti]

Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening. - Greta Garbo