Intelligence and Submission.

[Veridical]

Being on here, and talking to other individuals, both bottoms and tops, I've found a very shrewd misconception.


People equate intelligence with Dominance. When one types well, uses proper punctuation and grammar, one is automatically pegged as a Dominant individual merely because they choose to write properly, rather than saying 'how r u', both on the forums, and in the chat.It goes the same for using 'big words, or words not commonly used anymore, just I sometimes do(See; Chattel, myriad, dictation, etc). I've had countless PMs, whispers, and requests, to be someone's Mistress, even though I am no where near the Dominant type. When I ask why they view me as this, it's always along the lines of 'you type with an air of pride' or some such. Does one need to be Dominant to have Pride? Not in my book. In fact, some Tops I know are more inclined toward individuals who take Pride in their submission to them, and it's a turn on for a bottom to say 'This is my Master/Mistress, and I will serve them till they wish it no more.'

There is also the fact that I do not use honorifics with every Top I meet. There is one, yes, ONE, individual that I would do such for without reserve on this website, and he knows exactly who he is. When a Dom/me tries to force me to call them 'Sir' or 'Ma'am', then I have an issue. I feel those honorifics should be earned, not given freely like candy. I realize by saying this I will be ostracized as 'not a good sub' by most individuals, but it is how I feel, and damnit, I'm not going to lie to make you like me. A relationship, friend or otherwise, founded on such small details like that, is not worth having in my opinion. Honestly, if I bowed and scraped for every Dom/me I met, would that really be appealing to you? Would you rather have me bow and scrape for only you, and no one else? I would think the latter would be more appealing, but then, I am also not a Top and cannot possibly justify this answer.

Then there is Strength of Personality. Some Tops see me, and see how I interact, and feel like I'm not a real submissive, or else, view it all as a game, because I have such a strong personality, and refuse to let just anyone walk all over me. Thus I am labeled as a bad sub, because I will not be quiet, sit in the corner, and behave myself like a good little girl. I question, I poke, I prod, I find out what makes you tick, and I have a thirst for knowledge and to better myself, both as a sub, and as a person. This seems to speak multitudes about me, in a bad light for some reason rather than a good one.


My question to you, is thus, Populace...

Do you equate proper dictation with Dominance? Why, or why not?
Do you see honorifics as a necessity? Why, or why not?
Do you find a strong personality to be a turn on or a turn off? Why?


I'm finding more and more Tops see me as catty, and looking for punishment, when all I'm doing is being myself. None of you have seen me truly submit to an individual to see the difference in my demeanor with that individual, so there is no possible way to determine if, in fact, it would change. But there IS one individual on this site who has seen a bit of it. Again, he knows exactly who he is.

[SUBtly_shy]

iPet

hi hun first to answer your questions (though I'm not a top/ dom)

Do you equate proper dictation with Dominance? Why, or why not?

No I do not think that proper dictation is a sign of Dominance. I think it is a sign that you prefer to take pride in the way you speak there is a difference. Everyone has one or two things that are there way of showing respect for themselves and the people around them. Yours seems to be in taking pride in the way you speak to others. That isn't a dominant or submissive trait its just part of who you are in my book.

Do you see honorifics as a necessity? Why, or why not?

No I do not think honorifics are necessary. I think showing respect for a fellow human being is a must but all title ect have to be earned. For me I like to treat people in the bdsm community exactly the same as I would in real life if I were to bump into them.

Do you find a strong personality to be a turn on or a turn off? Why?

I find a strong personality very attractive. Regardless of if I want to pursue a relationship or just a friendship with that person. People with a strong seance of self are MUCH more fun .

Long post short, you have every right to be yourself with both strengths and weaknesses. People should value you as you are. Being smart and confidant in yourself makes you more desirable person regardless of the type of relationship you chose to be in.

[VP]

To be a dominant means nothing more than enjoying being the top, being the one who is dominating. Sometimes it means to dominate in all areas and day to day life, sometimes it is only to dominate in the chat room and not even in the bedroom and any other variation in between. How particular a person is about such prefixes and titles is up the dominant and has absolutely nothing to do with the way they speak or act, at most it might have to do with the aura of a person but even that is so vastly complicated the whole things might best be left at the fact that a dominant does not always speak with pride, arrogance, culture or anything else. He or she merely dominates in their own way. The same goes for honorifics though perhaos the only difference there might be that some people hold to traditions in that you would not call your parents Jack and Jill and hence would not call your master Bob or Lucy, though once again this depends both on what the dominant is like as well as what the submissive will agree to and allow.
As for a strong personality, that is a personal thing. Personally I enjoy a strong personality, because though I thoroughly enjoy dominating and playing lord of the land when in a bdsm session with whomever my submissive is at the time, I want to have a human companion most of the time. And an integral part of what makes us human is our characters, our personality and our uniqueness among each other. To have a cowed, silent and indistinguishable companion would be fine, but to have one with little or no personality would be like living with something that doesnt live, because everything from trees to animals have a personality, all you have to do is feel it.
A total ground zero submissive, wherein they can simply not stand up to anyone, not a bdsm submissive as such but a total submissive, can simply not say no. But anyone else had, has and will always have the capability to say no to anyone, even their master or mistress at the time. It is only the cost of that choice that usually stays a submissives hand. The cost could be that they will be left unsatisfied because they want their control stripped and yet fight for it, or the cost may be finding out their dominant is merely an insecure little pup when they leave. But a submissive is never, contrary to popular belief, helpless.

[Diablo]

1. Not at al it is a state of mind and has nothing to do with Intelligence.

2. Honorifics are earned or giving, ones that are demanded are worthless.

3. Turn on. A weak personality is as interesting as a mop.

[craven]

hmmmm good post, yes i agree there is often a lot of confusion around these points:

your questions:

1) Do you equate proper dictation with Dominance? Why, or why not?
2) Do you see honorifics as a necessity? Why, or why not?
3) Do you find a strong personality to be a turn on or a turn off? Why?

Let's see taking them in order, seems logical:

1) no i do not feel that i do, it is difficult for me to pin down why i feel that people are either subs or dommas (i myself am a switch) i feel certain ways towards individuals as a result of chatting to them and the vibes that they give me.

it is not a diction or grammar thing, my Domma happens to be very intelligent, but choses not to type in a conventionally recognised way that would normally be associated as intelligent, she uses shortened versions of words and grammatical phrases, at no point during our discussions did i feel that her style or rather preferred use of language was associated with her intelligence or dominance, i never assumed any correlation between the two.

It was what she said that led me to think her a dominant, she is a switch also, however there was very little doubt from the outset that she was the dominant one between us, i at times can waffle on and meander around a subject in an erudite, articulate and eloquent way, and make very little ground, where as she will simply cut to the chase and address the issue or make her feelings known instantly, no, dominance is about what is said, not how, in my opinion.


2) absolutely not, NO, such titles are always earned and from my viewpoint NEVER given, for a start no one is my sir or Domma other than my Domma (i would not have a sir, so not an issue for me) however other dommes can not expect me to address them other than by their names, as they have not earned or should expect me to use honorific titles.

Part of my submission to my Domma was my desire to call her by this title, she did not and has never told me to address her so, it is as a result of my submissions that i desire to show my surrender to her by addressing her with such a title.

I am for ever telling subs in chat and when i meet them that i am not their sir, and as such there is no need to address me as such, now i know that some doms instruct their subs to address all dominants this way, and i, once i let them know that i am not their dom, if they still feel a desire to address me as sir have no particular issue with being addressed so, i don't have a problem with the word of course, but i would never expect to be or desire from the outset that subs prefix my name with such an honorific.

to be honest, as such titles are earned and given never really taken unless this is the case and a sub really desires to address me so it is little more than a hollow word anyway, yes of course i could call all female dominants Domme or Miss, or madam i have the ability to type the words, but do i feel the words to be true or just, NO of course not, it is the same for me as a sir, when i see that one desires to address me so then it is a wonderful and meaningful title, and only then, so you see i have done it again, i have rambled where as my Domma would say NO, not necessary, LOL.

3) well on this on i feel safer, there being no right or wrong answer, in no way can what ever i type here been seen as pejorative or incorrect, lol. so here goes:

Yes i do, i am hugely turned on and attracted by strong personalities, i find them immensely appealing and i am just drawn, no other word for it to people who have a strong and confident manner about them, irrespective of whether they be male of female domma or sub.

As for a turn on and why, i am a huge believer in the fact that i feel at least 90% of BDSM is mental, the power play of the mind, i can not even consider playing in chat unless my mind is engaged or aroused, capture the mind and the body follows, this is fact, it is why submission can never be taken only ever given, and in order to achieve surrender the mind must be entertained and enthralled by the dominant.

I can feel myself when i am chatting to people being drawn to strong intellects. for me it is the mental sparring, the dance if you like as we engage in word play and banter. I can actually feel the adrenalin begin to course through my veins as i become aroused.

So yes, yes yes, for me it is a huge turn on, and this is for both dominants and subs, to be honest, without the strength of personality she could look like a model and make all the right noises from a submissive point of view i would not be interested as a dom in her.

Stimulate my grey stuff and you have me, my mind controls my body, once this is engaged i am yours.

[Laila]

Thanks for this thread really. With a few things you said you exactly voice what used to frustrate me to no end before I met my now Master and stopped caring what other self-proclaimed dominants thought of me.
I've been called 'not a real sub', 'bad sub' etc. and nastier things and I used to hate it so much. In fact, if someone in a chatroom starts out with wanting me address them as Sir or Madam etc. I might sometimes humour them and play along but they sink in my opinion and usually I just won't.

You're definitely not alone in feeling like this and I know there are enough dominants out there who agree as well.

[Veridical]

For those who have responded;
Thank you for reestablishing my hope in humanity. You're all a blessing, Top or bottom, and I appreciate the time taken to read my little Diatribe, and to respond in kind.

[damyanti]

I don't equate intelligence as something where dominants have sole or superior claim...just look around at all the smart(assed, lol) submissives here.

I don't see honorifics as necessary, because I think that which is given easily isn't very valuable and carries little meaning. When I address someone as sir (other than in jest) or master it has a deeper meaning....but thats just me.

As for other people. I don't particularly care either way, but I do sometimes find posts with all the little "i" and "W/we" and no punctuations exasperating because they are difficult to read.

I myself am strong personality, so strong personalities are a huge turn on. I have little interest in someone who is weaker than myself.

[clipcrop]

Do you equate proper dictation with Dominance? Why, or why not?

No, Dominance is personality trait, not a product of education. An illiterate could be Dominant, and I am sure there are submissives who have a Ph D in English.


Do you see honorifics as a necessity? Why, or why not?

They are not a necessity. Submission is a gift bestowed by a submissive to a Dominant. The fact that the gift is bestowed once does not mean that all others are entitled to partake of it.


Do you find a strong personality to be a turn on or a turn off? Why?

A strong personality is essential. It is an indication that the gift of submission is bestowed by choice, not due to need or force of circumstance.

[rsjankowski]

wow. let me tell you thats a topic i didn't expect to come up. but i tend to agree. when one takes the time to do things right in typing, it's seen as a disiplined person and who better to deal with unruly submissives than a person who is self disiplined.

as to your questions
1. i do not equate good dictation with dominance unless it's dealing with one self. as i've talked with many a submissive who could type better than i do. i generally type in lower case as to help speed my typing since stretching my finger to hit the shift key often results in me moving my entire hand which cause me to type(talk) in jibberish. i prefer accuracy in interpetation of what i meant instead of what the letter of what i've typed. if that actually makes sense.

2.i see honorifics in 2 aspects. respect that is earned by personality, integrity and action, and respect for the position that one holds. a lot of this comes from the military where there is supposed to be respect for the position(rank) that one has earned. but all in all i prefer to give honorifics to people automatically and politely till people prove to me they haven't earned the right by way of actions.

3. as for a strong personality as a turn on. no i don't think it's a turn on for me. unless it's the type of personality that just speaks to people with out saying a word. that sense of self, of women who carry an aire of submissive that can enter a room and immidieatly cause all those in the room to adore her for her submissiveness without saying or doing a thing. now thats just talent and beautiful to behold.

i do like the simplicity of diablos answers. but there are always the gray areas(the exception to the rule) that one must always be prepared for, like some who look for the beauty queen and wind up falling in love with the plain jane.

[shayna{L_D}]

Okay iPet you and i have almost the same thread going on here. *cough* you can view it sometime yano *cough*




When a Dom/me tries to force me to call them 'Sir' or 'Ma'am', then I have an issue. I feel those honorifics should be earned, not given freely like candy.


I said the SAME excat thing in my thread, but i said Halloween candy and slurpees

I feel the same way, why should i bow down to just anyone and say Sir or Master, it was VERY rare to see me call someone Sir or Master. Only the people that have earned respect. I just feel like its overused it you yourself say it to much. It doesnt mean or sound the same when you have a Master becuase you are going around saying Sir, Ma'am, Mistress and or Master to everyone that is Dom. Im glad we see eye to eye on this..


I realize by saying this I will be ostracized as 'not a good sub' by most individuals, but it is how I feel, and damnit, I'm not going to lie to make you like me. A relationship, friend or otherwise, founded on such small details like that, is not worth having in my opinion.

I said almost the same thing also, and i was told that i wasnt a bad sub which i already knew was the truth




Then there is Strength of Personality. Some Tops see me, and see how I interact, and feel like I'm not a real submissive, or else, view it all as a game, because I have such a strong personality, and refuse to let just anyone walk all over me.

Said that same thing here also, i get 'are you a Domme?' all the time, im sure you know that bc of yano recent events in chat, but why does having a strong personality like you and i have, mean we are Doms? I love my personality and i am not changing it for anyone, period. The Dom will love me and or like me for who i am not for who i pretend to be.


Now onto your questions


Do you equate proper dictation with Dominance? Why, or why not?
No, i mean you cant be a complete airhead or misspell everything but most Doms in my eyes comes in many different forms. Some have bad grammar, some have AWESOME grammar. Some are so smart it makes me want to throw up, others dont know the difference between know or no. I think Dominance is all about how you carry yourself and how you show yourself to the world. Not about grammar or smarts its about a lot more then that, and if my brain could work right now id fil ya in.

Do you see honorifics as a necessity? Why, or why not?

Not unles you are in a relationship or under that persons concideration. It would lose all meaning to me if i was like 'Good Evening Sir/Master, how are You?' to my Master then said the SAME thing to some other wanna be Dom, who probably doesnt know what BDSM is..

Do you find a strong personality to be a turn on or a turn off? Why?

Im guessing this is more for Dom/es. But to me no, a lot of people have come to love my personality as strong as it is. They say it may make me harder to tame but do you see me changing anytime soon, nope!

[Veridical]

Okay iPet you and i have almost the same thread going on here. *cough* you can view it sometime yano *cough*

Silence, woman. I didn't know you had one. -Bites.-

[shayna{L_D}]

its all good i like that someone else is having the SAME problem as me though lol. we make the chase that much better dont ya know??

[Veridical]

its all good i like that someone else is having the SAME problem as me though lol. we make the chase that much better dont ya know??

I would agree.

[hopperboo]

1. Do you equate proper dictation with Dominance? Why, or why not?
2. Do you see honorifics as a necessity? Why, or why not?
3. Do you find a strong personality to be a turn on or a turn off? Why?

1. I do. I adore a man who can speak and type with intelligence. Misspelled words here and there aren't that big of a deal, I'm talking about the use of proper grammar. I get annoyed when I have to read, "I ain't got none," or "I seen that" or "there going to that store." It's not there, it's they're!" THEY ARE! Arg.


2. I believe it's necessary in real life. Dominant or submissive. Vanilla or kinky. It's just being polite.

Online I think it's much more lax, I personally don't run around saying "Sir" or "Ma'am" to people online because it means something else in the kinky community. (Nor would I do it elsewhere online).


3. I find strong personalities a HUGE turn on. I need a man (and girl friends) with a stronger personality to bring me out of my shell.

[StormKat]

Awesome topic! For my 2 cents...

Do you equate proper dictation with Dominance? Why, or why not?

Absolutely not! I equate proper diction & other literary competence with intelligence & the ability to actually communicate with others effectively.

Do you see honorifics as a necessity? Why, or why not?

Absolutely not! I have no problem giving respect to those who have earned it, none whatsoever. But so far, I've only ever met possibly 2 men that I would address in such a manner. Obviously there could be more but I don't offer up empty platitudes. With that said, I do try to avoid outright rudeness unless it’s been appropriately provoked.

Do you find a strong personality to be a turn on or a turn off? Why?

Turn on, totally! I like guys that can express an opinion, defend their point of view & offer a reasoned argument. It doesn't mean I'll agree, of course, but at least be able to present your case.

I guess overall my thoughts are that being well spoken, articulate & expressing your opinion is just a reflection of who you are, not whether you're dominant or submissive. I'm very much the same way. As long as you're comfortable & confident in who you are, others’ comments shouldn't really matter unless they’re the people whose opinions you choose to consider important.

[Diablo]

2) absolutely not, NO, such titles are always earned and from my viewpoint NEVER given,

If you earn them, then the honorific will be given to you. You can not just take it or force someone to give it to you and have it mean anything.

Just wanted to clarify.

[cookiecat]

Do you equate proper dictation with Dominance? Why, or why not?
Do you see honorifics as a necessity? Why, or why not?
Do you find a strong personality to be a turn on or a turn off? Why?

1. i equate proper dicktation with Dominance

but no. Although typers who use "u r" or LOL all the time drive me nuts, if he can get in to my head with what he's saying, i can overlook bad typing.

2. honorifcs as necessity? not necessary. and any schmoe who wants me to call him Sir (along with giving him my bra size) in the first 2 minutes isn't going to get my bra size. it's one thing if i've agreed to do some role-playing. but i really only want to call my guy Sir or Master or Daddy. not some stranger in a chat room.

3. strong personality = turn on!!! but i like the subtle strong personality. not bratty or brash or crude or macho or know-it-all. you're title doesn't matter other than friend. stand up for what you believe in, treat others as you wish to be treated. don't be an assh*le or a doormat.

[angelic.zest]

Do you equate proper dictation with Dominance? Why, or why not?


it makes it easier to understand and speak with the person, whoever it is..be it dom/top..sub/bottom...i dont have the best grammar but i try..when things are misspelled, type or whatever..makes it abit harder to get what they are truely trying to say! imo...also no one is perfect..so we cant expect everyone to use proper dictation all the time, online or off!

Do you see honorifics as a necessity? Why, or why not?


only for my One, i try to be respectful to everyone but once that respect is either broken or not shown to me..then i cant...i dont go around calling any and everyone Sir, or Ma'am(hardly use Ma'am) but i do..its a term of endearment for me, also respect for my Other and others who have earned that respect from me...

Do you find a strong personality to be a turn on or a turn off? Why?



turn on, very much a turn on....i wouldnt want a Dominant or a friend who's just gullible or one that allows anything and everything to happen and one who doesnt notice that i am T.F.T.B. with either "Pouting, begging and not in a sexual slutty way, trying to trick him with words"..i love a person who's strong willed, body mind and soul. One who knows who he is and what he wants from me...wanting my input at times but knows he has the final say...and respecting it...

[devilishsub]

Do you equate proper dictation with Dominance? Why, or why not?

Indirectly, I feel proper dictation is associated with control and maturity which is associated with Dominance. This applies more in person and not so much online; there is a lot of leeway especially in chat where you're trying to type quickly.

Do you see honorifics as a necessity? Why, or why not?

Not at all. My Master is the same person whether or not I capitalize it or call him Pookie instead. I agree with the idea that honorifics are earned and throwing them around all the time cheapens it for when you really mean it. Civility is all anyone deserves, no more until they earn it.

Do you find a strong personality to be a turn on or a turn off? Why?

Turn on!! I need one to work with mine. I have a hard time with pushover types, its hard to respect them since I don't feel like they stand for anything. But that is part of my emotional baggage. I think my strength of personality makes my submission more valuable to my Master since it's clear it isn't something just anyone gets and requires effort on my part. It isn't safe to be toppled over by the will of others both in bdsm world and in vanilla relationships. I had this conversation with a good friend of mine who is a Pro Domme and that strong personality ensures that you can speak up if someone gives you incorrect change or something like that.

[lucy]

Do you equate proper dictation with Dominance? Why, or why not?
No. I think proper dictation, or as good a dictation as one is capable of, has nothing to do with being a submissive or a Dominant. It's simply communication and i hope most subs and Doms here are able to express themselves clearly.
Then, proper spelling and punctuation helps make things clear and to get one's point across. And finally i'm not too fond of all the abbreviations that get used here (and on many other sites) because most of them i simply don't understand and am tired of asking what they mean. Especially in the chatter.

To sum it up: To write as concise and with as few errors and abbreviations as possible is just the sensible thing to do, considering that the writer is (hopefully) not going to be the only one reading her/his posts. And also considering that there are members of this community for which English isn't their first language.

Do you see honorifics as a necessity? Why, or why not?
Nope. Just because someone declares him-/herself a Dom/me doesn't mean i will use Sir or Ma'am. If i think someone deserves to be adressed as Sir or Ma'am, i'll do it. But so far nobody seemed to be too much interested in the way i address them, so that wasn't an issue in my time here on this board. Could be that without me knowing it some where pissed off by me not using honorifics, but honestly i couldn't care less

Do you find a strong personality to be a turn on or a turn off? Why?
Turn on. Because they're more interesting and challenging.

[satisfied]

IPet,
I have to agree with you, i am a sub and sometimes use big words in the chat room and get people asking me what they mean. (including Doms) Being a Top/bottom isn't about intelligence, it's about personal need, and our bodies needs so often defy reason.
No i do not use honorifics with just anyone. I have not ever used them with anyone besides my Dom/husband. I actually lose respect for Doms that I see trying to force every sub they encounter to refer to them as Sir/Mam. I would think they would want to know they had earned the privledge. I know for a fact that many Doms on this site agree with us whole heartedly on that front.
Like you I have a strong personality, it was my personality that attracted my Dom to me to begin with. He is very overbearing at times and probably is aware that he needs someone with a strong personality because a weaker person would be completely broken by him. He is not mean, i would never say that, just....very strond willed and stubborn. What i have heard many grown men call scary. He likes that I am willing to stand up to him if neccessary and i like that he is capable of protecting me and taking charge of me all at the same time.

[fetishdj]

Wow! I-pet, you have really good use of English. Will you be my Mistress?

It is a common misconception that subs are not as well educated, cultured or capable as Dominants. There is a perception that the sub has a need to be 'looked after' and therefore is less capable.

This is, of course, as any on here will tell you, total bollocks. However, misconceptions have a nasty tendency to persist regardless of the evidence. Most Dominants enjoy having a sub/slave who is articulate, intelligent and capable. What is the use of a useless slave? They need to earn money to keep you in the state to which you are acustomed, they need to be able to manage your household so you don't have to, they need to perform quite complex tasks for you and it is no good if you have to stand over them telling them what to do and how to do it all the time. Therefore, while intelligence may not be a primary focus of their search (or even an overt focus) you can bet it makes a difference when deciding between two otherwise similar subs.

I suppose the 'stupid' perception comes from not being able to do anything unless ordered to do so - lacking independence therefore demonstrating a lack of independent thought therefore being unintelligent. I think this is a misperception based on not really understanding the difference between 'not doing something because they are too stupid to think of doing it' and 'not doing something because my Dom will punish me if I do something without explicit permission'.

I have found that the majority of posters on this forum are highly intelligent and articulate people. I have a suspicion (and would love to do the research to find out for certain) that the scene attracts those with a higher than average intelligence - those who are in general more likely to be willing to explore beyond the fringes of vanilla sex - and that the Dom/sub intelligence levels are about equal on average.

[Skyybird]

From a personal perspective I spent my formative years learning the art of grammar and diction. It's something I enjoyed immensely. As an avid reader of all types of literature I find the written and spoken word very arousing when done properly.

Being able to express oneself this way is a trait of a person who thinks carefully, who takes pride in their considerations and who wishes to make the best of impressions on others.

This in my opinion does not particulary indicate dominance, or to that end, submission. It simply illustrates to me the type of person with whom I would have something in common and a foundation for exploration.

When discussing titles for individuals, we must look beyond the Sir/Master scenario and consider respect. For example I would not expect to be greeted by a student using my christian name, or some such other 'friendly' term. I am greeted as Mrs/Miss as per expectation. On the same hand, in a situation such as the chat room, it seems to me we all have 'nicks' and as such should be adressed by them. With familiarity we can request alternatives. Respect!

Strong personalities are great sparring partners and a huge attraction, at least because you cant miss them. But one must not take away from those of us who are quietly confident and wish to integrate ourselves carefully. That is not to say we are not capable of being strong or confident when sure of our footing.

Very interesting discussion, thank you.

[FrozenGrapes]

My question to you, is thus, Populace...

Do you equate proper dictation with Dominance? Why, or why not?

No i personally do not. I do notice that many Dom/mes do speak with an air of intelligence and pride however truth be told the subs that have caught my attention do also. i would not desire a sub that does not carry themselves with an amount of self confidence and dignity. I demand of my sub these qualities if for no other reason than if they do not have confidence in themselves as a person i find it an insult as i have chosen this one and feel they are questioning my judgment. So while i think while in play and teasing in chat many (including myself) throw proper dictation out the window. it is nessesary for each individual in our real lives. and appropriate when speaking to the one of authority in a subs life.

Do you see honorifics as a necessity? Why, or why not?
i do see this as a nessesary show of respect in some situations to some people. However i have said many many times that this is def a title of respect that is earned. I DO NOT think that every BABYDOM that joins the site as a dominant has that right. There are a few on here that i have noticed are VERY polite and address all as Mistress or Sir. I although have had opportunities and have spoken to several subs, I have only ever GIVEN one person the right and priviledge to address me as Mistress. others will say mam or miss and it is acceptable but not required.But for me to see other Dom/mes try to demand this respect from a sub that is not known to them it gets me protective for sub and aggressive towards said Dom/me.I consider it a priviledge to be with someone who has enough pride not to brown nose to every passing Dom/me i think it is up to each sub and their own Master/Mistress to decide what is appropriate for them. Beyond that I do not believe it is for anyone to say.

Do you find a strong personality to be a turn on or a turn off? Why?
Nope def not a turn off. again i have posted this before but i DO NOT like a robot as a sub/partner/lover/friend.. i do not like to be pandered to. i like a girl with spirit and one that i know i am the only one they will kneel for. it takes all meaning out of that action and respect (again going back to honorifics) if i know that they will extend this action/attitude/respect to anyone. I like a fight to be in my girl. A fight that tells me they respect and cherish themselves and our relationship. One that will stand up for themselves and me. Just as i would. I do think that when together a sub should stand back a little ( in vocalization) but only in the case of a Dom/me handling a situation.. eg. If my sub is attacked in chat or is upset over a situation and i step in then they need to show respect, step back and let me handle it. other than that.. if i do not step in than i am going to sit back and enjoy the cat fight.. lol.

Now of course i am still learning but everything i have learned thus far has not changed these core opinions of mine so i do not believe they will change. i quiet possibly have offended as i often do it seems, but that is not my intention but i just had to put my 2 cents worth in..

[hopperboo]

1. I do. I adore a man who can speak and type with intelligence.

I meant to come in here and fix this the other day, but I forgot. I mean to say, I do not.

(I just adore a man - or a woman - who speaks with intelligence/proper grammar).

[DarkFire]

1. I do not equate intelligence with dominance. I have seen some pretty dumb dominates in my 12 years in this lifestyle. Ahhheeeemmmmm, maybe not dumb, just not ........ok, never mind. I am going to stick my foot in my mouth, and frankly, while I like the smell of leather, I don't particularly like the taste.*L*
On the other side of that, I have known submissives who have a great deal of intelligence, and have learned a thing or two from some of them.

2. I do not expect anyone to call me by anything other than my name. I do not expect one to bow their head,or their knee to me just because I am a dominant. If you do not belong to me, I do not pretend to have the right to demand or expect a thing from you.

3. I find a submissive with a strong will and a mind of his/her own quite a turn on, and a challenge.

[tusayan]

So does the fact that I try to be legible in the forums but in chat/IM I use the shortcuts and don't care about spelling/punctuation make me a switch?

[blythe spirit]

2. honorifcs as necessity? not necessary. and any schmoe who wants me to call him Sir (along with giving him my bra size) in the first 2 minutes isn't going to get my bra size.

My sentiments exactly.

So does the fact that I try to be legible in the forums but in chat/IM I use the shortcuts and don't care about spelling/punctuation make me a switch?

Okay, I'm typing this out for cookie's sake. Oh my God! Laughing my ass off! For those of you, who don't understand what I said. It's OMG! LMAO!!!!!! *giggles*

Thanks for this thought evoking post iPet. (gee, wonder if I should have said, thank you rather than thanks?).