How to "recognize" a submissive

[Ozme52]

What to look for?
If, like a dance, she lets you lead the sex.
If she looks at your pleasure first to her own.

Just my thoughts...

While it sounds good... it just isn't true in my opinion.

Might I suggest that, like dancing, she just may think it's appropriate to let the man lead the sex. But that doesn't mean she has given over ANY sort of power exchange. It doesn't mean there is a hint of the Bottom within her.

And as to the other... selfless doesn't mean submissive. In fact, a woman who willingly spreads her legs solely for my pleasure but takes none for herself, who does so merely for her love of me... well, it's actually a passion killer.

[wind_dancer{W_W}]

well i am a sub turned slave and i can tell You that the biggest tip off is, WHEN IN A PUBLIC SETTING AROUND OTHER PEOPLE, we subs, at least me and the other subs that i know, are louder, extremely opinionated, can almost seem bitchy. BUT WHEN REMOTELY ALONE.... if the sub likes You they will seem to have almost a completely different personality.... of course this is if the sub likes you...which is probably what You want, we become much more "outwardly-submissive" or we tend to try to drop hints in seemingly round about ways. When trying to test out a Dom we like to subtley do "submissive" things... i cannot name specifics but we definately DO NOT like to make eye contact when alone with someone else if they are talking in even a slightly dominant manner. But we definately will drop slight verbal hints... it can be a reoccuring tone of the stories that they tell... there WILL be a submissive undertone that is easy to see but hard to pin-point........

PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF THIS IS SOMETHING OTHERS HAVE NOTICED
i MAY JUST HAVE MESSED UP HEHE

[BryansGrrrl]

I think Mia'Cova could tell by my body language and by my demeanor when we first met. He led me carefully that first day. I have a difficult time meeting people's eyes when I speak with them, but not necessarily because it is a submissive trait, but beause it feels so intimate. After about 1/2 an hour I was gazing into his eyes, even though I was nervous at first.

He would ask me leading questions, "Do you want to do this?" and "Is this ok to do?" and see my reactions. He wasn't really asking for permission, so much as GIVING me permission to want those things... if you see what I mean.

*sigh*

I'm not explaining myself very well and I don't think I've helped. LOL Perhaps he can explain how he knew I was his sub better than I can.

[Pearlgem]

He would ask me leading questions, "Do you want to do this?" and "Is this ok to do?" and see my reactions. He wasn't really asking for permission, so much as GIVING me permission to want those things... if you see what I mean.

*sigh*

I'm not explaining myself very well and I don't think I've helped. LOL

I think that's excellent, BG. I've had that feeling many times. The Dom can only lead you submit but the sub has to decide to.

[leo9]

Thank you all for your responses. I think it probably is mostly sixth sense, like OzMe said, similar to gaydar, but hopefully I'll also learn to recognize some signals, also. Thanks again, all

Having used the term "gaydar" myself before this, I realise now that the only proper term for it is "asdic". As in, what you use to locate subs...

[leo9]

well i am a sub turned slave and i can tell You that the biggest tip off is, WHEN IN A PUBLIC SETTING AROUND OTHER PEOPLE, we subs, at least me and the other subs that i know, are louder, extremely opinionated, can almost seem bitchy. BUT WHEN REMOTELY ALONE.... if the sub likes You they will seem to have almost a completely different personality...

I think you may have a point here.

The first girl I ever tied up for sex was a tough bitch in public, but when we were kissing I noticed that she got hotter if I held her wrists. So I started pinning them behind her or out to the sides and she couldn't get enough of it... After I first tied her up she said "How did you know I wanted that?" and I said "You told me."

But with more experience I've learnt to spot the signs without getting that close, even if my "asdic" is intuitive and I mostly don't know what's clueing me in. I remember once when I was in a new counselling group and we were doing the round of introductions, and as one girl spoke up I felt the buzz and thought "Her, eh?" I didn't do anything about it, because it's very bad form to hit on your counselling partners; but I was open about my own tastes with the group, and months later she phoned me because she'd been getting overwhelming masochistic fantasies and I was the only person she knew who wouldn't think she was sick. I was glad to be able to help, but I also had a smug little feeling of "I knew that!"

[Ozme52]

Having used the term "gaydar" myself before this, I realise now that the only proper term for it is "asdic". As in, what you use to locate subs...

LMAO leo. Very Brit of you. In the US, we'd say sonar.

[claire]

Thanks Oz for that translation. I wondered why I wasn't quite getting it - all I could think of was ass & dick.