Non-SSC experiences?

[leah06]

I'm glad somebody explained it! I always thought RACK stood for Ripped Anal Care Kit.

Hey, Pearlgem, I almost needed one of those!

[Miner]

Sigh - Oz et alia - come on people - lighten up. Using an acronym is fine - but take a hint from the press - spell it out if you throw in something new - it doesn't take much more effort.

Just because something has common parliance somewhere doesn't mean it's universal. There are exceptions which are very well known (BDSM in the English speaking world, for example - and anyone who found this site should know what BDSM means before they got here), but can we expect the same is true for all terms?

And what about acronyms that have several different meanings? Is it always clear which meaning is being used?

It's not going to break anyone's back to take a page out of the book used by AP (American Press Services) or Reuters and spell out the acronym the first time it's used in a thread. It's just politesse.

[miners_girl]

The worst thing about this whole argument, is that everyone is getting tied up with acronyms- to explain or not to explain- and moved away from the original question of the thread- which was an interesting one.

[SilverWulf]

The worst thing about this whole argument, is that everyone is getting tied up with acronyms- to explain or not to explain- and moved away from the original question of the thread- which was an interesting one.

Everyone? No, we all said what we needed to say yesterday and had moved on. It's you and miner who can't seem give it up.

Just because something has common parliance somewhere doesn't mean it's universal. There are exceptions which are very well known (BDSM in the English speaking world, for example - and anyone who found this site should know what BDSM means before they got here), but can we expect the same is true for all terms?

Yes, I do expect someone to know the common acronyms and if they don't know the meanings then look it up. Don't get upset because you have to do a little research on your own for Gods sake.

It's not going to break anyone's back to take a page out of the book used by AP (American Press Services) or Reuters and spell out the acronym the first time it's used in a thread. It's just politesse.

If this were an AP service and we were here putting stories out on the wire, you bet we would follow the writing guidelines put forth by the agency we were working for.

Guess what, this isn't a wire service.

This is a chat board and if you expect the writing here to follow any sort of guideline to fit into some pre-conceived definition of what is proper format then you are going to be severely disappointed.

Now, back to the topic.

There was that one time, at band camp...

[Miner]

^ and I expect people to have manners - guess we'll both be disappointed

[SilverWulf]

^ and I expect people to have manners - guess we'll both be disappointed

Show me exactly where I used poor manners in what I wrote above, with quotes followed by what you 'expect' would be proper manners.

[KitsToy]

Yes, I do expect someone to know the common acronyms and if they don't know the meanings then look it up. Don't get upset because you have to do a little research on your own for Gods sake. ...

I'll have to agree. It boils down to forum etiquette. There exists within this forum a thread (stickied nonetheless) which explains all of the commonly used acronyms.

EDIT: I am only allowed to post URLs... after I have made 15 posts or more.
Reference: BDSM Library Forums > The Glossary of BDSM Terms > The Glossary of BDSM: BDSM Basics, Safety, Toys, Kinks & Fetishes

In light of this threads existence, it should be assumed that the terms used therein are common knowledge - or at least easily accessible.

Now, I'm rather interested to hear (see?) what others have to say in this topic, so I'd like to assert my (nonexistent) influence by saying.. please?

For myself, I became interested in BDSM in highschool. At the time, I was much less educated than I am now, and I guess the best I can put it is I'm glad nobody got hurt. It was mostly simple, stupid things (with extra emphasis on stupid), such as alcohol/drug use prior to playing, not really getting to know my Dom/sub, and attempting to live out perfect porn fantasy, all as an excuse for rough sex. Granted, it was a lot of fun at times.. other times I look back and.. o.o

-Kit'sToy

[angela_shy]

Unless Miner decides to call you out for introducing another acronym, BDSM (Bondage Discilpline Sasdism Masochism,) without spelling it out first.

chuckles

[angela_shy]

There was that one time, at band camp...

waits with baited breath...

[KitsToy]

waits with baited breath...

I'd really like to hear about this one too, so what happened to you in band camp? =]

[his_girl_l]

Um, what is the point of having acronyms if the terms need to be spelt out in full every time the acronym is used? That's using more space and words, not saving them as acronyms are intended to.

Isn't one of the points of the terms SSC and RACK that the acronyms are handier to remember than the full terms they stand for?

[angela_shy]

all you sweet and lovely angels, hard-asses, pervs, freaks, et cetera...
may i humbly request the acronym discussion be parked?
or perhaps it can be raised in another thread, if anyone wishes to continue it...?
my genuine thanks

[angela_shy]

Hey, Pearlgem, I almost needed one of those!

ouchy... LMAO

[leo9]

what have you done that in retrospect was Not SSC?
what do you wish you had done instead?

Getting back to the original question:

There was a sub I'd played with a couple of times, and it had gone great. For various reasons I saw an opportunity to do a kidnapping scene she had mentioned as a pet fantasy, which sounded great to me. So I duly kidnapped her at knife point (switching the sharp blade I showed her for a butter knife to press to her throat), dragged her home in cuffs, and spent a blissful day torturing her into submission and enjoying her abject slavery. Everything seemed to indicate that she had enjoyed it just as much.

Except that the next time she phoned me, she told me I had gone way too far and abused her irresponsibly. Um, but, you had a safeword, right? We did talk about it before, right? Well, yes, she allowed, but I forgot I had it!

So... Consensual or not? Damned if I know. I've had other subs who lost it in the middle of a scene, and I've known before they safeworded that it wasn't working for them; but I didn't get any bad vibes from her at the time. Weirdly, she said that she hadn't been sure if she had been abused, so she asked a friend, who said it sounded like it... How do you need to be told if you've been abused?

So that's my non-consensual story. Or not. You guess.

[Ozme52]

Sigh - Oz et alia - come on people - lighten up. Using an acronym is fine - but take a hint from the press - spell it out if you throw in something new - it doesn't take much more effort.

Just because something has common parliance somewhere doesn't mean it's universal. There are exceptions which are very well known (BDSM in the English speaking world, for example - and anyone who found this site should know what BDSM means before they got here), but can we expect the same is true for all terms?

And what about acronyms that have several different meanings? Is it always clear which meaning is being used?

It's not going to break anyone's back to take a page out of the book used by AP (American Press Services) or Reuters and spell out the acronym the first time it's used in a thread. It's just politesse.

You complain but do it yourself. Not merely presuming common abbreviations (e.g., r/t) and acronyms (e.g., LOL, if you're going to complain, you don't get to chose for others which ones are acceptable without interpretation,) but you like using uncommon word forms (e.g., fora) and latin phraseology (e.g., "ad hoc" and "et alia".)

So don't sigh your sighs at me. Not until you practice what you preach.

[Ozme52]

all you sweet and lovely angels, hard-asses, pervs, freaks, et cetera...
may i humbly request the acronym discussion be parked?
or perhaps it can be raised in another thread, if anyone wishes to continue it...?
my genuine thanks

Too late. Sorry. I was done... but Miner wasn't. So there you go.

[leo9]

Too late. Sorry. I was done... but Miner wasn't. So there you go.

As they used to say at school: Never mind who started it, you can finish it.

Before you jump to have the last word, consider that it also makes you the last one who wasn't smart enough to let it go.

[TwistedTails]

QUOTE=angela_shy "all you sweet and lovely angels, hard-asses, pervs, freaks, et cetera..."

<Perk> Did someone call for a Perverted Freak? What can I do to... I mean for you? LOL

Well, with changing times what would have been SSC in the past may not be now days. Also what may be only edgy to me may be shocking to some, and boring to others.

About the most non SSC thing I have ever done to her would be the time I offered her up as a party favor at a birthday/joining the Army party with about 15 young men in attendance. What would I do differently today? Invite more young men. She had such a good time!

[angela_shy]

...About the most non SSC thing I have ever done to her would be the time I offered her up as a party favor at a birthday/joining the Army party with about 15 young men in attendance. What would I do differently today? Invite more young men. She had such a good time!

first reaction was

... but on reflection

i don't suppose you took notes that night...?

[angela_shy]

...she phoned me, she told me I had gone way too far and abused her irresponsibly. Um, but, you had a safeword, right? We did talk about it before, right? Well, yes, she allowed, but I forgot I had it!
...she said that she hadn't been sure if she had been abused, so she asked a friend, who said it sounded like it... How do you need to be told if you've been abused?

this sounds like she consented, but had trouble coming to terms with what she had consented to, unless you just weren't reading her properly, which probably depends how well you knew her (played a couple of times... ).

i guess one approach is to work up to scenes like this gradually... either with lots and lots of discussion, or a good number of tamer real life scenes... that way, the Dom gets to know the sub's reactions, and the sub gradually adjusts to significant elements.

just guessing here, but maybe the non-SSC element was rushing into something ambitious...?

[TwistedTails]

i don't suppose you took notes that night...?

No notes, just very fond memories. My biggest regret actually is that
video cameras were such rare and expensive items back then.

[Ozme52]

As they used to say at school: Never mind who started it, you can finish it.

Before you jump to have the last word, consider that it also makes you the last one who wasn't smart enough to let it go.

Well, I didn't. I passed the opportunity, made a humorous quip. Even got a chuckle or two... and then got called on it. You may think that I erred, but just because he proclaims himself to be on the high road, he is the one began and continues to insist on the continuing chastisement of others.

[Veralynne]

QUOTE=angela_shy "all you sweet and lovely angels, hard-asses, pervs, freaks, et cetera..."

<Perk> Did someone call for a Perverted Freak? What can I do to... I mean for you? LOL

Well, with changing times what would have been SSC in the past may not be now days. Also what may be only edgy to me may be shocking to some, and boring to others.

About the most non SSC thing I have ever done to her would be the time I offered her up as a party favor at a birthday/joining the Army party with about 15 young men in attendance. What would I do differently today? Invite more young men. She had such a good time!

Goddamn, man. *fans self* "Invite more young men." Now there's a man with the right idea! LOL. Also... yes, videocameras would have been great. Get to relive the precious memories :-)

[satisfied]

*reads all the previous posts and thinks Master needs a really LONG blow job tonight*

There was that one time, at band camp...

Hey! How is it possible I haven't heard this story?

I could really use so more RACK in the very near future. *GRINS MISCHIEVIOUSLY*

[bip0lar]

hah, yes, i've been through one tricky non SSC situation. At the time it was oddly erotic, i was young--too young for putting myself through that, but in the end it didn't turn out bad. It just didn't turn out good, which was a very good reason to put a stop to it. Manipulation, apparently, has many forms; allowing one's self to be manipulated is one thing, but not realising it and finding one's self in a situation one always thought they'd never allow to get out of hand is another. All in all that non-SSC experience i would today categorise as an experiment that got out of hand. Nothing harsh, at least physically, but certainly a path i wouldn't go down again.

[mark2777]

OK am new to this sight but not to the lifestyle. I think that whether you prefer SSC or RACK (And I was not sure about this acronym either) there is a critical component that has not been touched upon by anyone here yet. TRUST without that neither is worth a rat's patootie.

mark2777

[Belgarold]

Well, it seems that some feel being arrogant and superior and rude somehow prove how well-endowed you would like to be.

There is nothing wrong with explaining ourselves. And I take exception to the statement, "everything we do is consensual." that is just BS. There are new subs out there that will believe from that statement that they "ASKED" for the rape they endured because they met some arrogant prick wannabe out there.

Whether you show off your superiority by spouting acronyms or not.

[angela_shy]

sorry - i rambled on with the below response... my thoughts for what they are worth...

Belgarold, i agree there is nothing wrong with explaining... explaining one's self when asked for clarification is generally considered to be courteous behaviour. i certainly didn't intend to spark such a riot of off-topic comments about acronym definition, and was in no way showing off superiority. nor do i believe that of anyone else in this thread.

i (as a complete and utter newbie last Autumn) read and learned about the lifestyle, and knew of SSC and RACK from that early reading. i would hope any newbie would seek to read and learn about common aspects of it too. this is a pretty fundamental aspect to the lifestyle, i believe.

and i would humbly assert that it is quite feasible for a new sub to ask for rape as an exciting experience - it is a common fantasy (i have discovered). that in no way compares with an innocent getting themselves into a situation they regret - this is not BDSM but possibly foolhardiness on the sub's part, and abuse on the perpetrator's part.

...but a good subject - this is the intent of the the thread!

...to ask for people to point out that one can get carried away in a moment, and do things they later regret, or that could have gone very badly, but for the grace of god (sic!).

...and this is where mark2777's post should be considered carefully. it takes time to build up the necessary high regard and trust for one's partner, and i feel that this should not be rushed, otherwise one is taking huge risks. a good friend of mine uses the motto "Love, Trust, Submit" to illustrate one route to submission that minimises the chance of regretting one's involvement with someone.

he explains to me that one must take time to know someone, letting that high regard develop for their integrity and character (perhaps one can use the word "Love" for this). in time a sense of trust develops and grows stronger with numerous subtle tests and evidence of integrity and perhaps devotion...
as this trust deepens we each reach a point of certainty, that this person is what they seem, that we know that with certainty. and this (my good friend asserts, and i agree) is the better path to submission than rushing or taking chances with unknown quantities.

of course i am interested in the ambivalence when a sub wants the excitement of submitting early to someone when the hormones are raging, but wants to minimise risk... risk can be arousing! how do we learn to strike that balance? what mistakes do we make along the way?...

[Belgarold]

I apologize if you felt I was directing my comments at you angela, I was not. I believe that there is a certain amount of risk in all that we do and sometimes that is the 'hit.'

But to blanketly state that "everything we do is consensual" is irresponsible and flat wrong. There ARE those that are preying on women (and men) and especially those women (and men) that are willing to take a little extra risk.

And this is a BDSM site that had a long history of being welcoming to all of those that are interested in finding out more about the lifestyle. To get petulant and snippy and, yes, superior, as SilverWolf did was unnecessary and rude. THAT is where my comments were directed, not in your direction.

I think your question was more than valid.

[Pearlgem]

I don't have a safeword. Is that considered risky behaviour, beyond the pale, non consensual? It doesn't mean to say I can't get something to stop if it's beyond me, I just can't do it that way; I trust my Master to 'read' me. I tried having a safeword and I hopelessly overused it. I find it much better not to have that little 'get out clause' lingering temptingly in my head and just put myself under my Master's judgement of what I can take (we're talking pain here). It makes him incredibly attentive to me (and me to him) and I feel safe to trust him. He doesn't let me down.

I would not advise this generally, folks, but in my relationship with my Master of six years, this is how things have developed.

'Love, trust, submit' just about sums it up.