Perhaps needing a little more?

[agirlsfantasy]

Since this is a safe haven for subs/slaves, i have a silly question for all of you. Do you ever feel that your Master/Dom is not being harsh enough? we all hear of Masters being TOO tough, and even to the point of being cruel. But i haven't read anywhere online where some subs/slaves are needing MORE from their Master?

Does this sound wierd? i just feel sometimes that Master is too kind, too afraid to "accidentally hurt" me, etc. Is this normal? Is it really a good thing and i should just get used to it? (well obviously i don't have a choice now do i?)

I sometimes find myself "picking" at Him to rile him up, and pull out from Him what i know is down deep inside. Perhaps if He were more strict, i wouldn't do this? Am i just bad for even trying to get Him riled up? i know it is a bad thing to admit that i even do such a thing.



Just trying to understand my feelings in a safe environment where i won't get put down for feeling this way... please help if you can. Thank you in advance...

[denuseri]

No its not as uncommon as you may think.

Have you sat him down and discussed this with him?

[agirlsfantasy]

No its not as uncommon as you may think.

Have you sat him down and discussed this with him?

Well not really sat Him down and talked to Him about it, but over the past year at least, i have made it quite clear in my diary that He reads, of the sort of things that i would love, and for Him to do (if He wanted to of course) as well as buying a great BDSM movie (this sparked something HUGE in Him so i know He has it in Him) for U/us that is quite rough, and pulling up bdsm videos online for U/us to watch together, etc. He understands completely. It is just that He wants to build into BDSM slowly, because until He met me, He had never EVER hit, spanked, pushed, held down, etc a female and does NOT want to hurt me (although He has given me some serious sessions from time to time and that only makes me crave it more)

Over the past year or so i have also built our "space" up nicely with all sorts of clamps, whips, tape, rope, etc. He is REALLY getting into the "pretty" bondage and that is wonderful. He has learned a lot about that, and i haven't "escaped" from his rope in a very long time now that He knows how.

He can do it and is getting better, but wow, it is hard not to pick sometimes just to get Him riled up when it has been weeks on end without any BDSM if that makes sense. i am so bad for doing that, i know it...

[Bobbitsj]

It's one thing to ask for what you need and desire. It's another thing to pick at things to "rile" him up. I went through the same thing with my Mistress in the begining and She said I was trying to top from the bottom. I soon learned this wasn't a good thing and I had to just go at Her pace where She was comfortable. After some time things got to a level where we both are satisfied. I have learned just exactly how far I can push Her for attention before it turns into denial and that really sucks!

[jeanne]

One thing you might want to tell your Master is that there is a difference between being mean and being cruel. To me, being 'mean' is bad. It implies negative feelings on the part of the Dom, and feels bad to me. Being cruel, however, can be hot, hot, hot. It just feels different than meanness, in a good way. I'll try to think of a better way to explain it today - maybe another member understands what I mean and can describe it better.

[ravnseye]

I, too, have found myself doing things that I know will get my Mistress' goat, just so she will unleash a bit more. It's a little more complicated for us though. I have been of a submissive bend since my earliest memories, My Mistress on the other hand, has only in the the last year or so even acknowledged that she is Dominant, much less anything but vanilla. She truly is very good at it, and the more she lets it go, the more she enjoys, and is fulfilled, by the role. Like so many in our little world, she has a hard time reconcilling her desires with the dogma that has been beaten into us by the general society. She makes great strides, but sometimes needs a bit of coaxing. Sometimes I feel like it is topping from the bottom. Part of it is my wanting to help her be more comfortable and free with what she feels, and part of it is, admittedly, selfish...of course my being selfish as a sub should warrant a bit of correction, right?lol

[brwneydgirl]

I, too, have found myself doing things that I know will get my Mistress' goat, just so she will unleash a bit more.

Isn't that "bratting"? I don't mean to say that you're being a brat so please don't take offense...

But when you purposely misbehave in order to receive a harsher punishment (or any punishment) I think that's how I've heard it referred to.

Perhaps you could try begging for harsher punishment if that's what you're craving?

[denuseri]

So your basically saying that what you get is ok, only not often enough?

[13'sbadkitty]

i have learned that i can ask my Master if i am in the mood for pain, rather than trying to provoke it. He has also learned to use things other than pain as punishment for when He thinks i am looking for pain through bad behavior. i have had trouble accepting that i actually want pain, so beginning to ask with a "Master please" was harder than it seemed for me. He is much happier to reward me with a good flogging then to deal with creative punishments. Oh and a side note, as my Master explained to me, He happens to feel very protective of me at times and it is hard for Him to be too rough at times. It took time for Him to trust that i would tell Him if it was too much.

[anxious girly]

If it were me, (and I wish it were, being as I have had little r/l experience) I would ask this questions of the Doms on this site. They are mostly a good group of guys who I'm sure would be happy to help you.