Silke's second assignment

[Silke]

Hi there...I know it's been a while, sorry. Since I got the assignment from Aesop and he's not here right now, I'll include the scene he set for me - hope you enjoy.

"You are walking from your car to the shopping center when you are flanked by two men wearing suits and sunglasses. One of them says, “Come with us Miss, we have a few questions for you.”

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A tornado of thoughts created chaos in my mind, ever circling around the same questions - what was this about? What did those two bulldogs in black suits and dark sunglasses want from me? We have a few questions for you – well, so did I! However, the intimidating attitude of the two men made me panic and literally choked me. My dry mouth opened and closed again in silent protest while the bulldog on my left firmly took hold of my elbow and lead me across the busy shopping centre parking lot.

Out of the corner of my eye I mustered the two men flanking me. They could have been twins if it hadn’t been for the different hair colour – the same military style haircut, but the guy on my left was blonde and Mr. Right had jet black hair. Both of them were dressed in black suits that looked tailor made to fit their athletic build; I could feel pure hard muscle, and a lot of it, pressing into my sides and the iron grip on my elbow would probably leave bruises. Bulldog 1 obviously didn’t know how to control his strength – it was either that or he enjoyed inflicting pain. I didn’t know which alternative I feared more. The fabric of the suits felt smooth and expensive against my bare arms. Too expensive for police, maybe even too expensive for feds…who’s toes had I stepped on? My kidnappers (well, let’s face it, Silke, that’s what this is, right?) dwarfed me. I’m not petite myself, but they had to be 1,95 m and easily weighed over 100 kg each. Their expressions were determined and arrogant; they knew I didn’t stand a chance against them, but the firm grip on my arm showed me that they weren’t about to take any chances.

I tore my attention away from my escort and looked around the parking lot. It was Saturday and the whole city seemed to be busy shopping for the weekend, but nobody paid attention to the unusual group we formed - a woman in her early thirties wearing a simple green summer dress being taken for a not-so-friendly stroll by the Men in Black. All we were missing was a camera crew and some slimy aliens.

Bulldog 2 pressed a button on a remote control attached to a set of keys and a black mini van with tinted windows beeped a friendly welcome, the indicators flashing once to lead the way. Where did they take me? Adrenaline rushed through my body and I felt the panic rise from the pit of my stomach and tried to break away from my captors, opening my mouth to scream. But I never got that far. The blonde Mr. Irongrip pulled me tight and covered my mouth with his giant, rough right hand, lifted me off the floor and closed the distance to the van with a few swift steps, completely unimpressed by my kicking and squirming and the muffled moans that I managed to get out. His black haired twin had slid open the side door of the van and I was shoved in brutally, hitting the floor so hard that the air was knocked out of me for a moment. I felt dizzy and tried to fight through the fog that clouded my mind instantly and threatened to drag me into the dark, when I felt someone jerking my hands back and holding them together behind me, locking cuffs around my wrists with a series of metallic clicks that made the hair on my forearms stand up. The sharp jolt of pain from the metal cutting into me brought me fully back to conciousness and I opened my mouth to scream as a damp and foul smelling cloth was pressed over my nose and mouth. The last words I heard before the darkness wrapped around me were spoken in a mocking, silky deep voice: “Why did you have to make it so hard on yourself, bitch? We’d have treated you like a lady but it seems like you prefer it rough. And we like rough, don’t we, Sid?” From the distance, as the interior of the van faded from my sight, I heard cruel and sadistic laughter that followed me into the nightmares I fell into...

[Talia]

Very nice Silke....what I noticed about your story is that your paragraphs are very long. The last paragraph could be split into several differnt paragraphs....


"Bulldog 2 pressed a button on a remote control attached to a set of keys and a black mini van with tinted windows beeped a friendly welcome, the indicators flashing once to lead the way. Where did they take me? Adrenaline rushed through my body and I felt the panic rise from the pit of my stomach and tried to break away from my captors, opening my mouth to scream. But I never got that far.

The blonde Mr. Irongrip pulled me tight and covered my mouth with his giant, rough right hand, lifted me off the floor and closed the distance to the van with a few swift steps, completely unimpressed by my kicking and squirming and the muffled moans that I managed to get out.

His black haired twin had slid open the side door of the van and I was shoved in brutally, hitting the floor so hard that the air was knocked out of me for a moment. I felt dizzy and tried to fight through the fog that clouded my mind instantly and threatened to drag me into the dark, when I felt someone jerking my hands back and holding them together behind me, locking cuffs around my wrists with a series of metallic clicks that made the hair on my forearms stand up. The sharp jolt of pain from the metal cutting into me brought me fully back to conciousness and I opened my mouth to scream as a damp and foul smelling cloth was pressed over my nose and mouth.

The last words I heard before the darkness wrapped around me were spoken in a mocking, silky deep voice: “Why did you have to make it so hard on yourself, bitch? We’d have treated you like a lady but it seems like you prefer it rough. And we like rough, don’t we, Sid?”

From the distance, as the interior of the van faded from my sight, I heard cruel and sadistic laughter that followed me into the nightmares I fell into..."

I'll send you another assignment.

[Silke]

Thanks for the feedback, SB, and a good point - I never really paid attention to spacing, paragraphs and such. I'll try this with the new assignment.

Lol, speaking of which...I so hoped I wouldn't have to work on the background story, tried SO hard to work my way around this. I guess it backfired *giggles*...but I'll try and think something up for you. Thanks for the new assignment...

[TheKnothead]

I liked the story a lot.

In particular, I liked how you painted the dark suit guys as "bulldogs".

Most Excellent!

TKH