If you knew someone was a liar.. would you warn others?

[simplydesire]

The scenario... You've met someone offline. It turns out they are a liar. They are dishonest, blatently lied, misrepresented themselves and you have serious concerns about their intentions. He has admitted to someone else that he lied. Would you warn others in your online community about them? Especially if you talk to these other people quite a bit, but are only "online friends"? Or would you let them met him and find out for themselves?

[Minxed]

That one is easy. Would you want someone to warn you?

[Ozme52]

Yes, but be careful. Reputations take a long time to make... and an instant to destroy. So be sure that you didn't build him/her up in your own mind and that he/she merely over represented him/herself. But if it was a blatent lie (and as you say, he admitted his prevarication to another person,) then you owe your community at least the facts as you saw them. Avoid hyperbole and exaggeration.

It's your reputation too. If you come off as an emotional wreck, the only person you'll hurt is yourself.

[simplydesire]

Minxed, yes. I would.

Oz, that's why I'm hesitant. But no, I didn't build him up in my mind. Not at all. There was no chance of a relationship so there's no emotions involved. And I've carefully watched him since and seen him especially targeting new ones to the lifestyle because I think he realizes that he wouldn't get away with this with anyone who's been around for awhile. He seemed, to me, very open in conversation with me before we met which is why I was so surprised to see how much he had lied. And it's more my concern of his intentions and the fact that he lied so easily that bother me. And honestly, I don't want to ruin his reputation. But at the same time if there is someone out there whose intentions are to decieve, I'm not ok with that.

[emeralds]

oh gosh this is something close to my heart..soft smile.. i have been on the receiving end..and i dont know if it would have saved me...if someone had of told me the truth.. i would have believed the one i wanted.. even tho i think i always knew the truth.. just refused to acknowledge it.... i have found that often when people lie to me.. im actually fooling myself..

i also lost a friend because of someone lying to me.. and me telling the person who lied i did not find it an acceptable way to treat me.. i personally would not think its appropriate to tell the whole community.. but i might be tempted to tell someone they were close to.. to be very careful and be very sure before they committed themselves.. without actually telling someone something that was not any of my business.. or really theirs either..

you also have to remember.. there is alway more than one truth.. and more than one way of looking at things..

hard position to be in.. and i wish you luck in coming to the right and fair decision.. xxx

[ksst]

For me it would depend on what they lied about- if it was their age, weight, job title, something like that I wouldn't feel the need to tell everyone. If it was something major that could be dangerous (bad intent) for people who got involved with them, then I would feel I had to let at least those considering becoming involved with them know.

[simplydesire]

Thank you everyone for the advice. I really appreciate it.

[denuseri]

I would reccomend that one be very careful in any event and that if any of those envolved are members of this site (if by online you meant here or not I didnt know so just to be safe); one read the site rules and take the issue to Torq directly as opposed to taking matters into ones own hands.

[Brkndrgn]

Nobody likes the devil's advocate, but I'd probably spread the word if I thought someone was dangerous. The biggest thing is to make sure that you really have a reason to. Part of the fun of being online is that you can fudge details a little if you wish, it's not that out of the ordinary for things be different in the flesh.

So if the lie was a whopper and his intentions seem to be outside the range of acceptable oddity, then speak up. But definitely don't get your heart set on being thanked for your honesty. A lot of people will probably question your intentions and motives for talking about him.

[brace [EDQ]]

If the person in question comes up in discussion, then expressing concern about their truthfulness as a warning is in order. It will likewise be remembered. Warning others about a total stranger comes off as paranoid unless portrayed as an amusing story.