Slight problem...

[Ravyn1991]

So, I'm a newbie...so new in fact I don't consider myself to be a part of the BDSM lifestyle yet, as I'm still learning.

But here's the thing:

I don't know about anyone else, but in my life, I have two sides. I have my private side, which is basically 'me', if you can understand what I'm saying. I'm generally soft spoken, calm, and I keep to myself for the most part. I'm not very comfortable around many people, and so often go quietly unnoticed unless I feel like I need to make myself heard. That being said, I'm stubborn to a fault and extrememly independent.

Publically is a different story.

I am a gymnastics teacher. I've had the same job for the last six years, and the company I work for deals with a lot of people who I would consider 'pillars' of the community. I teach the young children of police officers, attorneys, doctors, and so on and so forth. I literally cannot go anywhere without meeting one of my students and/or their parent(s).

I'm a role model. And I know this. And I'm perfectly okay with that. I have kids tell me all the time that they want to be just like their 'loud', 'fun', 'super smart' (my favorite, lol), 'funny', and 'pretty' coach. I play with these kids at work, and at home, and some of them I've watched grow up from toddlers, to the almost-teens they are now. It's crazy. But I love my job, I love my students, and I love their parents. I even babysit,housesit, and tutor for a lot of them.

My problem is...occasionally my personal side and my public side collide. Normally I wouldn't have an issue with that, I'm pretty much the same person except quieter and less rambunctious.

But I feel like I can't research or learn from my own community. Because I work with kids, I feel like my interest in BDSM would cause a lot of people to freak out, and I'm afraid it would jeapordize my relationships with my students.

Some of these kids don't have a whole lot of good, supportive authority(ish) figures to emulate. As sad as it is, sometimes they only have me, and the other coaches I work with.

It hadn't even occurred to me, except today I was in a book store looking at a 'The Loving Dominant' (I couldn't find the ones I was looking for, but I skimmed through that one), and one of my students, one of the ones I've known for years, comes running up to give me a hug. She wouldn't have known what the book was that I had on my lap, she's eight, but her parents would have, and they are extrememly conservative.

I'm not embarassed about my interest. And most often than not, my personal life stays separate from my public/professional life. But occasionally they do meet. And I'm scared that this would be the one thing that would meet my public life. If I didn't work with kids, I wouldn't be so uncertain, but I do, and that's not going to change.

Does anyone else feel this way? Or am I completely bonkers (which has been known to happen, ) Just wondering if I'm not the only one considering trips that would been out of my local community to find information and the BDSM scene. How do you deal with it?

Thanks for reading my ramble, and if this belongs elsewhere, let me know.

-Ravyn.

[ksst]

I totally agree with you. We live in a conservative small town and can't really be letting everyone know what we're into, but really, it's not their business just like it's not my business what they like in the bedroom. I don't think going to another town would be unreasonable. I thought about doing that myself, but it was just too hard to get away and I ended up going to a local munch. There really was no chance of any non-involved friends and acquaintances dropping by and finding out anything, though. It's not like we'll be doing things in public. Although I had a dream last night about being escorted out of Menards (like a Home Depot) by security and banned for life .

[denuseri]

Its perfectly normal to keep your kink in the closet so to speak when it comes to one's professional and public lives etc.

My owner is in the military and I'm in the process of becoming a teacher and we sure can't afford to have our bdsm interests known either.

[Ravyn1991]

Good to know I'm not the only one. Of course I wouldn't be taking an ad out in the newspaper or walking down the street in my undewear, lol, but I have this fear that I would go to a munch, and someone I know would see, and one thing would lead to another, and it would be completely blown out of proportion.
I actually just made the decision to move in about six months, and I feel like I would be more comfortable and able to get lost in a bigger city.
Course the job I've been offered is with Disney...Lol. So it doesn't help a lot, but I feel like in a bigger city I could keep my private life a little more private, especially when I'm not in a place where my family has been for almost four generations, and between the lot of us and the people I know, we pretty much know everyone, and if we don't know them, we know someone who does.
I used to like living in a town where everyone knew everything about everyone. It was sweet.
And then I became an adult.
And now I'm like, 'Go away!' Lol.

[Austerus]

There are plenty of kinky people who work for Disney. How could there not be, with all those helpless princesses?

Internet shopping is one huge boon to remaining on the down low in a smaller town. There's no longer any need to be seen at a seedy bookstore or toy shop, and you can have packages (of books or toys) delivered straight to your house in plain boxes. Then again, a big city is definitely better for anonymity and taking part in the physical scene.