Hi Playfulsub,

Now, that was a tasty treat!

Well told, exciting and it built to a fine climax.

I'd probably format it a bit differently, not to mix some of the quotes in the upper section with the action, yet your style is fine.

The use if italics for thoughts is a tricky one. Since she's telling the story. She doesn't need them. If she says, I thought, then she can use quotation marks. Otherwise, just using regular sentences flows well.

Keep up the great work,

Ruby