It feels great to know that there are people who have looked back on their childhood and had similar experiences. Reading these topics has really helped me to understand that part of my fascination is in how I'm hardwired as well as social conditioning.

As for me, I'm only eighteen and not very experienced, but I found an interest in the lifestyle developing around age 15. Looking back, however, I too was always playing games that suggested my nature.

While I grew up wanting to be successful in the workplace, I knew that traditional gender roles - linked to control - ought to apply at home, or at least, in the bedroom. I recall playing games in the bath tub with my younger sister, pretending to be evil women, torturing each other. We would put the water in cups, different temperatures, and poor it on different parts of our body. The anticipation and the fear, in hindsight, aroused me greatly.

I also played games where I would be tied up to poles, and left alone. Games where I would be hit and spanked. The idea of humiliation, rising from the ashes, and eventual defiance, has always been a part of my self identity.

I suppose some might find that disturbing - though probably not nearly as unnerving as I felt it was when I first made those connections. Still, I'm slowly but surely coming to terms with it. I feel like it makes it so much easier knowing other people came to these realizations also.

Thanks for creating the topic,
Lucita Michelle Kerr