That is a tough one Kate. I know I've been into bdsm for many years on and off. When I finally acknowledged it was a part of me, the sense of freedom and joy was simply amazing. My current wife tried it and didn't like it. With her I thought I had found a way of becoming whole and being able to express my self, desires and so on. Now she just wont play and I respect that but I was thinking only yesterday, did I want a sexless, unfulfilled life for as long as we were together. My short answer is no.

What I do with that answer remains to be seen. There are obviously more issues I have to take into account. The old saying "know thyself" has always been a guiding light for me and part of that is knowing what I want. It's ironic that at 47 I finally know what I want but baulk at going out and getting it. Loving someone complicates the issue even more.

No one can tell you what to do and being able to make up our own minds is one of the few true freedoms we have left. If I can offer one piece of advice it would be make up your own mind and pursue your choice like there is no tommorrow. Hope this helps. I know the quandry you are in.