Gregsta,Originally Posted by Gregsta
You are welcome.
Here's an example of active versus passive voice:
Mary was fingered by John. -- passive
JOHN FINGERED MARY! -- active
When you think active voice - think "action"!
It's happening right now, even though it's written in the past tense.
He was sitting in a chair. -- passive
He sat in a char. -- active
Some examples of active versus passive in your writing from a single paragraph:
They laid me on the stage, stripped their loincloths off and stood over me. -- active
It was wonderful looking up at that wonderful man flesh and seeing those cocks swinging and swaying above me. -- passive
One by one they squatted down and took up positions around me, stroking my body, pinching and caressing my breasts and nipples. -- active
I could feel my self starting to respond, my pussy was aching and I could feel it starting to lubricate, my stomach fluttered, all telltale signs I was becoming aroused. -- passive
I wanted fingers or hands inside me and a cock in my slutty mouth. No sooner had I thought it when a thick cock head entered my mouth and I felt fingers begin to penetrate my pussy and ass. Hands grasped my tits and I felt the cock in my mouth grow harder as I instinctively sucked it. My legs were pulled apart and those fingers continued to excite and stroke my pussy. As the scene progressed I caught flashes of the audience, my good friends, beginning to enter in to the spirit of the evening. -- both
One of the women had a cock in each hand masturbating it for the owner as they looked on in lust; another woman was having her pussy licked as she sucked on a cock. -- passive
Instead of: I felt fingers begin to penetrate my pussy and ass.
Try: Fingers penetrated my pussy and ass.
Let's look at the longer part of this paragraph - using more periods to keep the pace moving quickly and active voice to let us know its going on right now:
I wanted fingers or hands inside me and a cock in my mouth. No sooner had I thought it when a thick cock head pushed against my lips. I opened them, tasting salt and manflesh. Fingers penetrated my pussy and ass. Hands grasped my tits. The cock in my mouth grew harder as I instinctively sucked it. Hands pushed between my legs, opening them wider. Callused/rough/smooth/talented (pick your word) fingers excited me, stroking my pussy. I caught flashes of the audience, my good friends, entering into the spirit of the evening.
Compare those two sections side by side and I hope you say, "Ah ha!"
For more examples and explanations, please check out this reading assignment :
ACTIVE Voice - the Voice of GOD
http://darkerotica.blogspot.com/2004...ce-of-god.html
To your success,
Ruby