Simplonrider brings up a good point. It's not impossible to compromise. I know personally that you may be pleasantly surprised at the reaction you'll get.
I don't know if this has been mentioned yet on the forum - I apologize if I'm being repetetive. A while back there was a program on WE about the BDSM lifestyles of several women. On that struck me was a woman who has the best of both worlds - husband, children, white picket fence, high-powered corporate career...and a Master she drops everything for upon command. The bizarre part is that the two lives coexist harmoniously. Her husband and her Master go bowling together. Her older children, upon seeing her dress the Thanksgiving turkey, quip that Mom's Master must tie her up in much the same way. Her husband has just accepted the fact that there is one thing she needs that he simply cannot give her, and is content to leaves it at that. He is certainly the minority, I'm sure - you know, given that whole 'hubby not wanting to see another man fucking wifey' thing - but it still serves as proof that anything is possible.
Perhaps a little compromise is needed on your part as well, Psynymph. Maybe you don't need at 24/7 D/s relationship. I know a 24/7 couple, and it's very difficult to sustain that in such a vanilla society. you may be able to talk and explore different aspects of your needs and wants.
It seems as though you're very willing to work on your relationship - you wouldn't be having all this internal struggle if that weren't the case. Get creative and have an open mind - you never know.
Good luck.