No, I think you're the one, who doesn't understand.

I don't accuse you of supporting censorship, but on the other hand, an attitude like yours (consensual stories are good BDSM, non-consensual stories are evil/bad BDSM)is often the cause for censorship. (In January, one of the most important German BDSM-sites (www.zarthart.com)died, because people with your strict disapproval of "noncons"-fantasies fought a law-suit against the webmaster.)
Nobody denies you the desire for your personal ideal BDSM-story, but operating with moral terms of "right" and "wrong", judging other people's fantasy life, will educate no one to be a better writer or human being, but it's the root of censorship.

I also have my likes and dis-likes. For example, in another post I said, that I don't care very much for scatology/zoo-themes. But I would never tell the fans of this genre, that their taste is evil, immoral or tasteless.
(I'd tell them only, if I think, that their stories are badly written.)

As tragic a personal experience with violence and crime may be, but in a free society it's impossible, use- and senseless to tell the people how to adjust their fantasy-lives to every possible personal touchiness...

If you manage that, we'll all have to live in a political correct hell....