wow, what a very good question. I for one have been in an abusive situation... not by choice. I feel it is a very different scenerio. I was and am still very much interested in the submissive side and to be totally honest, I was before my first marriage (very abusive) but it wasn't concensual... I did not ever agree to be physically and mentally abused by him. There is a difference. Don't know how I can explain it, but theere is a great difference... we should talk sometime...