Desperado,

I've always had tourble trusting people. Even as a child, and in my teen years i had my poorly placed trust in a "dom" shattered. Learning how to trust anyone for anything has been a long road. I still find that it is easier to retreat into my mind or journal rather than talk about what's set me off. Since then i've gotten married and been with my husband as a couple for 5 years. I've tried to trust him as a dominant and cant. Its been tried time and time again. I know in my head that he would never hurt me intentionally, but that barier is still up. Any hesitation or clumsyness sets me off thinking "he's going to hurt me, he's not doing it right" even when he's doing something properly. Even in normal areas of our relationship it is a battle to tell him things and be open. I despise being like it, yet "can't".

I have an online Master as well. I am able to trust him more easily, because I don't have to look him in the eyes, or actually put my saftey in his hands. There's no way for him to physically force me to do something, I can stop at any point when I feel threatened, or just walk away if i have to (which i havn't). He's also more experienced and has taught me a lot just by talking to me, even before he became "Master". The few times he has had me do something physical or mental, he's asked about how i feel physically, mentally, and listens and lets me go on until i've cleared my mind. That makes it easier to trust him. He shows an interest in me more than just sexual, which is something that i've found a lot of online folks really don't care to know. That has added to my trust. However, should i ever get the chance to meet him, he's not earned that trust yet, not because i don't care about him, or because he's broken any of my trusts to date.

Trust is a two way street. If there's no open communication, it's difficult to trust. Why share a part of yourself with someone who doesn't trust you to know themself. Trust issues is something that i beleive that many of us have to face, and it will always be there. But, by taking time, and really getting to know each other, in the BDSM and the vanilla world, on multiple levels, that trust can be given and recieved. The ability to trust is never gone. It's just hidden by fear, worry, doubt, and experiences.

I hope this helps you, and makes some bit of sense. If you ever want to talk, or just need a friendly ear (eye) to vent to or chat with, please don't hesistate to PM me, or IM me. (my messengers are listed in my profile)

~bratty