Before I was ever involved or knew about the lifestyle, I had problems trusting others. As a youth I would attempt to open up to someone only to be ridiculed and debased. So I learned to put up an emotional brick wall of sorts. Not letting anyone or anything into my life. I have found this made me rather apethetic towards people who I should normally feel close to.

Only recently with my wife, who helped me to develop myself as a Dominant. To let myself feel the freedom to be myself (execpt around family, thats just too tough), did I learn to tell the world fuck you if you don't like me. As a concequence of this people tend to think of me as a bit of an asshole. I don't care if they do. I am me, and those around me who do like me know that I am not an asshole, just me. My wife has been my most avid cheering section during these hard times, and I am always gratefull to her for this.

Now if your hurt is due to a physical pain that was experienced, and your having a hard time trusting someone so you can enjoy being submissive, and letting them do a play scene with you. Start out slow. Start with something simple. Say a serving scene, where you serve dinner or something of this nature, allowing you to kneel, allowing you to address them as Sir or Ma'am. Once you have done this, and if you find it enjoyable. Move to a little more pain involved scene. Say something like a flogging, or the like. Use a DM (dungeon master) have a submissive friend of yours that you trust to not let you get hurt be the DM. Limit the scene to no more than say 10 or 15 minutes. Just enough to get you warmed up. If your able to let yourself go in this scene you should repeat it till you feel you can do it without having a DM there.

With trust, start small. Work up to larger issues of trust. Think of it in terms of walking and running. You can't run, if you can't walk.

Hope you learn to enjoy the things you desire.

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