Hello Manarqest what an informative first post.

I would only like to add that maybe the meaning of one abused not trying the BDSM life style was said in the mind set of not taking or using that abuse on others basically continuing or fostering the abusive cycle. If you can see the difference than I see no reason why you shouldn't live and enjoy any life style you choose.

Enjoy your time here and I hope you get to marry her and be happy in that marriage.