I'm not new to BDSM and it's now 14 years since my first slave girlfriend. I personally come from an abusive background, getting beaten by my father a lot and all but one of my sub girlfriends, (and there's been plenty) have had some abusive background that effected them profoundly. I won't draw any conclusions of this but I think not being exposed to some sort of abuse in life is truly quite rare. Children are in school extremely mean to one another, and the older I get the more I get a feeling that dominating and being dominated is an integral part of all human behaviour and instincts.

But like I said, I have no idea what this means at all. People aparently react a lot differently to abuse. I've got a friend now competing in the world mixed martial art championships at Pride in Brazil. He's no lifestyle BDSM guy at all, but he was beaten to an extreme amount while growing up. I don't think abuse as such leads to apreciation for BDSM or is even required.

I'm personally very interested in this subject and have spent a lot of time thinking about it but the more I do the less I realise I understand. Reading plenty of philosophy hasn't helped either.

As long as you're happy I'd just go for it. Sometimes there's nothing to understand. Just enjoy.