i think that Nikka answers this beautifully and pretty much says roughly what i wanted to say in response to this anyway.

All i will add though is that i think it is a shame that the term 'sadistic' is so often linked to extremely negative people/issues (i.e. murderers, rapists etc)....because, certainly all the people with whom i have had contact with, who are sadistic, couldn't have hurt someone who seriously didn't want to be hurt, on some level....this hence leads back to the notion of the cruelest thing to do to a masochist, is to refuse to hurt or control them... i think that this ultimately leads to loving sadistically as opposed to hurting people willy nilly for one's own gratification.

sl