Oh Cariad, I agree that was beautiful and that you do need a few more commas too.

As each petal fell and she traced its shape and marveled at its delicacy and her heart was ripped apart again.
This sentence needs some changes, a comma is needed after fell and maybe a full stop after shape. You could then start a new sentence with the other half. You could also write it this way-- " As each petal fell, she traced its shape, marveling at its delicacy whil her heart was ripped apart again."


Behind her, her Master stood silently a tear in his eye as he awaited her decision.
Here a comma is needed after silently.

She knew that once she was there He would care for her every need, it would not be an easy life with Him, it would be an unknown and probably dangerous one, but one in which He promised her victory.
A comma in needed after there. This sentence could also be made into two sentences.

This is not a major issue though, and with the emotion your writing has, would not be noticed by many people.

Thank you so much for sharing such a beautiful story with us all. If you have not done do, I would encourage you to put it onto the main story site. It is a story that deserves more readers.

The only thing I need you to do now, is to respond to the readings at the top of this level. If you have done this already, do let me know. I have changed the order of the assignment since you began the level.