to start with i should perhaps say that yes i was abused as a child....from the age of 11 to roughly just after i was 16 my stepfather felt he could use me sexually while my mother was out of the house.....and yes i have an interest in BDSM....but even i am still not sure if they are linked...for the interest and realisation didnt occur till after i had been married to my soon to be ex for over 7 yrs...after reading a book of all things and realising that the thought of being bound and spanked really turned me on...i slowly began to realise i in some way needed the pain to arrouse me.....although what occured with my stepfather contained no elements of bondage or pain whatsoever....in some ways was glad that he tended to not use the fishing rod on me the way he used it on my siblings as punishement...i have never gone through any self destructive behavior....to the point if i had ever thought of ending things i always thought that it would hurt others more than it would hurt me...for after all i would have been dead and everyone else would have been left grieving.

the arrousal/pain element is a very real physical reaction with me....elements of pain lead to a feeling of release...but i soon let my Sir know if the pain ever becomes too much.....

i am not really sure if my past lead to my present....but i am a stronger person for it even if that is a loving submissive person ......