koppite,

Heartbreak happens to nearly all of us who dare to love, be it in a vanilla relationship or BDSM one. I sincerely hope that the wounds from that will start to fade with time and that you will find someone who is worthy of your devotion.

Your post however leaves me nearly speechless with rage at how you have been treated and I feel as if I have been hit in the stomach. The woman you were with abused your love for her and used it as a weapon against you. In my book that means she looses the right to be called a Domme but should be called a Bully. I know you say she was new to the lifestyle, but that is no defense for not having human understanding and consideration for other people.

I had your post drawn to my attention by Timberwolf who was concerned for you - he has never done that before - so that gives you a feeling for how strongly he feels. At the moment I am struggling to not type off a long rant about how wrong abuse is, regardless of what cover it is done under. That may yet come, if I am unable to contain it!

But why am I so furious - because NOBODY has the right to make you feel unworthy. You have given this woman your heart - the most precious thing you can offer her - and not only has she not embraced it, but she has used that knowledge to delibrately hurt you.

There may be people who will post in this thread saying that you have made mistakes, I am sure with hindsight you will probably agree with them, but that is irrelevant. We all make mistakes, but that does not give anyone the right to abuse us.

We do not know you well, since you are new to forums, but your words show us a lot about you, and what a warm sensitive person you are.

You are not worthy of the treatment you are being given - you are worthy of much much better. I personally plead with you to leave this woman as soon as you can. The longer you stay with her, the more harm she will do you - physically and emotionally and spiritually. Please, please however much you love her get out.

I would love to discuss this with you further, either here or in PM's if you wish - because I realise that there are all sorts of practical and emotional issues involved.

Above all - you are worthy - please look after yourself as you deserve to be looked after.

huuuuuuuuuugs
cariad