actually, I'm sorry this was your first experience - one of the biggest issues in our lifestyle is differentiating between genuine consent and mutual respect and safe playing and abuse -unfortunately, a lot of misognynists see submissives as a perfect tool on which to practice abuse.

bottom line - no matter what anyone "tells" you, listen to YOURSELF - what YOU feel comfortable with - a good Dom will bring you along gently to test your limits, explore your psyche and lead you where you wish to go and where he wishes you to go - he will not force you - being dominant is not just about power and contorl - its also about wisdom and self restraint, nurturing and guidance.