Without all of your advice and words of support I think I would still be really depressed, confused and, as you have pointed out, in an abusive relationship. Just in case you might know her, I also spoke with Mistress Scarlette in LA, and she also was a great help. You all were able to give me perspective and understanding, while at the same time giving me a lot of comfort and much needed care. I cant describe how bad it was for a while there, and I am sure you all know how it feels, but I am a better person for it, and I;ve learned what I want out of life and whats important to me. Thank you again.

In terms of my situation: I wrote her an email because I know if I tried talking to her I wouldnt be able to finish, I sometimes find it hard to say what I need to say for lots of reasons. In the email I explained how at first, yes, I had agreed to be her slave but over time, I have grown attached to her and can see no way to continue without the relationship becomig deeper on a personal level. I tried to be tactful while remaining strong - I told her that I cant be her slave anymore, that she has to move out of my house as soon as she can, and that we had both grown, just unfortunately, in different directions.

She never wrote me back, lol, but I did call her on Friday, before she flew home, to make sure she had gotten her email. She said she had and that she understood and that everything was ok. Just to show you how either (1) clueless she was to my true feelings about her (2) machavellian she is in dealing with emotions and people - when she got home and we talked about it, she said at one point for a minute she thought I was saying all those things to use them as a bargaining chip to get into her pants. !!! I am guessing that either she gets so much attention all the time from guys (she is a model) that she has reduced love to a poker chip or she doesnt believe or understand how I could have fallen in love with her.

In any case, she was completely fine with it all and I did my best, when we were talking, to explain how it affected me and how depresed I had become over the whole situation. We spent yesterday making soup and a cake. I didnt do anything servant like or slave like, lol, and we had a great time. Normally I am at her feet when she sits on the couch, giving her a foot massage or a pedicure. Didnt do that, sat next to her etc. I will always be a gentleman, ofcourse, but I know she could tell there was a difference, and most importantly, I could feel the difference. I felt mentally strong, better, able to handle the situation, in control, and truly happy.

I am over her, my heart doesnt break thinking about her with another guy. I dont cry for no reason or feel depressed at the flip of a switch. I am doing the things I love again - playing video games, going biking, working out, even writing (thanks for the complement by the way!). I am back to my old self and I cant thank all of you enough. If you all know one thing, its that you have impacted my life in a positive way and really given me hope that I can have the life I want. I am taking positive steps towards that - I have a profile up on collarme and am going to use other ways to try and meet more people interested in what I enjoy.

Will I keep the tattoo and brands? Well, since I am in law school right now, I have no $$ to remove them. And even if I did, right now I want to keep them as a reminder of what I have learned and gone through. If I ever meet someone and its a deal breaker, I would happily have them removed for her. I personally like body modification, have a few cuttings, piercings (the PA is my fav) etc. So maybe thats why I am a little more at ease with keeping the brands for now. Although the letters dont make any sense, lol, atleast I can look at them and remember where I came from and who I am today.

And I have all of you to thank for it. Please, I owe you one, all of you, which I think makes it like I owe you 30 or something. I cant explain it in words how much I needed your help, how desperate I was to be heard and cared for. thank you thank you thank you thank you

koppite (david)