Originally posted by Wontworry
With regard to satisfying a sub, for Me the whole point of being a Dom is to enjoy and express My wishes/feelings with regard to being in control. I cannot think of a better way of excercising that control than to be able to satisfy My sub, through the use of pain and humilation, combined with love and respect.

Which is fine. Nothing wrong with satisfying her, when cisrcumstances call for it. What this threead is about is dealing with a submissive that is intentionally bratty just to garner some extra attention. Giving into that desire, that manipulation, is not a dominant trait, nor is it satisfying her through love and respect or whatever. It's letting her manipulate a situation as she sees fit to achieve a goal that she wants accomplished. In other words, it's essentially letting her top from the bottom.

A submissive that wants attention is one thing and completely normal. A submissive that demands attention is another thing and should be dealt with differently in my opinion.


Why would a sub stay with a Dom who didn't give her what she wanted, which must mean 'satisfy' her ? Isn't the point of being a Dom or sub to gain satisfaction in your own way ?

What's the point in maintaining that you are dominant if all you do is give your submissive what they want? Certainly, the true power in any DS relationship rests with the submissive, but it is the dominant that is supposed to issue the rules, ensure discipline is followed and maintain the presence of obedience and respect in the relationship.

A DS relationship is usually about both parties being satisfied in some way, yes, as are most other relationships. However, satisfaction for a submissive is generally achieved through the complewtion of tasks, the following of rules or through a regimen of discipline, not throught gentle )or not-so-gentle) manipulation, brattiness or outspokenness. These things, in my opinion, are best dealt with through means that do not satify the inadequate behaviour of the submissive, but instead encourages her to change her behaviour to something that belies the confines of the DS relationship form that has been previously discussed and established by each partner.


Surely a Dom who gives no thought as to whether or not his sub is satisfied is no more than a sadist. I have no problem with someone being that (just a sadist), other than when such a person wants to describe himself as a Dom.

I would think that person that gave no thought to his partner's feelings one way or another is an abuser, not a sadist and not a dominant. Even a sadist will assess his partner's responses and make sure she is not being pushed farther than she should be.

A dominant, however, as I mentioned before, does allow for his submissive's satisfaction, but within a maintained structure. Typically, a dominant will set down rules or a disciplinary regiman that must be followed. If the submissive follows the rules, she is rewarded, if she does not, she is not. After all, why should a submissive be rewarded for bad behaviour? Would you give a child a piece of candy for acting like a brat in the middle of the mall or a restaurant? Why would you do any differently with your submissive?


Being a Dominant is, to Me, so very much more than just handing out punishment. If I thought for one moment that My sub was not (ultimately) being satisfied then I would be changing what I was doing, until she was also 'enjoying' the experience.

Of course being a dominant is about handing out punishment and both parties in the DS relationship should have satisfaction, just as in any relationship. However, as a dominant, I believe my satisfaction comes from knowing that my rules are followed, discipline is maintained and my submissive is happy, satisfied with me as a dominant, but also respectful of the discipline I have set for her to follow.

Were I to expect that my submissive was not happy, I, too, would change what it is that I do.