that's true lily. i felt odd bringing something so personal to a public forum...but i also know that many people who read and post here have real experience with this..ie Ruby. perhaps there are others who might, once this is all said and done, learn something from all the generous people who have responded as well. as i have, and still am..as He is..and still is. this may seem odd to some, that we are 'talking' to each other via a message board, but i personally find it easier at times to write than to speak. as a submissive, i can't always freely express myself to him verbally....i feel 'freer' in writing to open up. i mean..He's sitting *points* right there...~L~ but...i guess it happens to us all..sometimes, during 'conversations'..people get upset..emotional...things get blown out of proportion and context. here, in writing..i can temper that more. and hopefully be 'heard' by Him.