curious ramblings

[cariad]

ooh cariad..interesting. and how did this work for you? i assume you've done this...would love to hear about it to get more ideas!

Okay - giving you a slightly worked example...

ID could give you the task of creating a French Brothel experience for him in a week or a fortnight's time.

You then immediately start researching the subject. Think about the 5 senses as you explore the theme, use all them to create a special evening. And think big and extravegant in your gestures - think theatre and intense sensuality.

So if this was going to be a regular dinner party for two, you would think about

sight - what you were going to wear, what are key colours of the theme, how you would dress the table, how you would move, your level of make up, drapes over lamps (careful of fire hazards etc.

smells - what sort of perfume would you wear, what scents will you fill the rooms with

taste - an easy one for this theme - a selection of light delicious French dishes, remember to think colours and textures and degree of digestibility, since hopefully you will be active later on - grins.

sounds - think of the music you can use. Make a large enough collection of MP3 files so you can have continuous evocative music. If for example you had an arabic theme you could also add slave bells to your costume.

feels - think about the texture of everything. The food, the fabric of what you are wearing. You do not need to have everything 'correct' but a few key pieces of fabric will make all the difference.

Dont be afraid of rearranging key rooms a little - think about lighting, that can be key to building an atmosphere and don't forget mirrors - but think about them from ID's perspective.

Having done all that - you then think about ID and his particular kinks. Add those into the package, use your knowledge of him to seduce him and create a fantasy for him within the theme he has given you. The key is to find a way to incorporate them within the theme, and not have them as add on extra at the end. Oh and make sure he has everything he might want to hand...

Yes, it is not easy, but the research and realisation is fun, and the level of anticipation is significant for both parties. You will know what you are planning for him, and if you are like me, you will be unable drop a little tease into things every few days.

ID - you might wish to choose a theme such as above, give Karin a picture you have found which interests you, or maybe selecting something you would like her to wear. Having done that - sit back, let her use her abilities and await your treat.

cariad

[karin]

again i ask..is this something you personally have done? its not very practical is it. it gives "me' the upper hand. something i do not want. do not seek.

[cariad]

Sorry, I misunderstood your question - it is something we have done, on a number of occasions.

It depends what you mean by not having the upper hand. If you mean that you just make yourself available to him, for him to do unto you what he wishes to do unto you, then it does not work. If you see it as actively using your skills and abilities to serve him and create a fantasy for him, then yes it does.

cariad

[karin]

not sure...i will consider this suggestion as will He. kinda sounds like topping from the bottom to me...and we *try* not to do that LOL

[cariad]

That is the joy of suggestions - one can accept, reject or adapt at will.

Whatever you do or do not do, I wish your relationship every good spark either of you could possibly wish for.

cariad

[karin]

well thank you for your kind wishes!

[Uncle_Ed]

Having lived a D/s lifestyle for over 20 years and now having tried on-line, I can honestly say that I have absolutely no advice whatsoever to offer you.

Why do I say this?

Because we are all so very different...only you two can work this out-if you really believe that anyone else knows you better than you know each other and is therefore qualified to offer intimate advice, then you have very little hope.

One recurring theme on advice in here is communication...I humbly suggest that you actually talk? I can only imagine that this public display makes the situation 10 times worse...you only admit to your misgivings and amplify them.

I would suggest you go away on holiday together and consider each other as a priority-forget us. But-that is advice-so I don't suggest it at all.

Best wishes,

Ed.

[_ID_]

One recurring theme on advice in here is communication...I humbly suggest that you actually talk?

We do talk, all the time. Its one of those things we enjoy about each other. I appreciate the suggestions that are given here, not because someone that we never met, may know how to fix our problem. I appreciate the suggestions because it is a form of abstract thinking. Think outside the box kind of thing.

As karin stated, I read the suggestions that other have made here, asking her thoughts, asking would she enjoy this or that. Her response, something I think she was unable to vocalize to me, yet was able to write it. That response was the single most helpful post that was made.

V/R
ID

[karin]

well...another wonderful set of thoughts...thank you delia....

1) you are very right. i do crave that. if ONLY for a day or two. i'd settle for one day a month....

2) i would be willing to explore that. i do better writing sometimes than i do speaking to him about some of these things. i find with writing, i have to think FIRST..with speaking, sometimes the mouth goes a lil out of control *innocent smile*

3) that idea simply doesn't appeal to either of us, but perhaps we could fine tune it to something we might enjoy.

4) no we don't have rituals. i would like to try that. we have never had those. we have friends here who do....when he comes home from work, regardless of who is there, or what is going on..they go into their room...i don't know what they are doing....i just know they both come out kind of..connected looking. i never asked...but i assume its something along that line.

5) i enjoy the little things almost more than the play itself *note i said "ALMOST"*...it does keep things simmering. He swatted my ass tonight and i immediately..erm..had a um..'response" *coughcoughgotwetcough*


i thank you so much for your thoughtful reply, delia. these suggestions, opinions and well wishes mean the world to us.

none of you can begin to know the warm fuzzy it gives me to know that you have taken YOUR valuable time to offer your thoughts to us both....

[Ozme52]

not sure...i will consider this suggestion as will He. kinda sounds like topping from the bottom to me...and we *try* not to do that LOL

But it really isn't. It's like putting on a costume for role play, only moreso. You're creating a complete environment in which to play. Having done that... you have no control over how the Dawg will play. It's all up to him to use the toys, including you, that you have set into play.

[learningtopleez]

learning: thank you for your words. and i had no luck in reading the pm about the clothespin. darn it. but will let you know when/if it happens *grin*

Taking this piece of information, I think I will take her shopping within the week. We have an accessory that I am going to bring along. Should make for an interesting trip.

*grin* Sounds like it's definitely gonna happen sweetie! And I can't wait to hear all about it!

[karin]

Oz..yes...but He prefers to 'set the stage' so to speak...so again, its not something that we are much interested in. He will often make me wait in another room while he prepares the play area...He enjoys setting the scene himself...good idea, just not for us! ~hugs~

learning: will keep you posted ~L~ kinda squirmy thinking about it...*constantly*

[master 327-834-200]

Taking this piece of information, I think I will take her shopping within the week. We have an accessory that I am going to bring along. Should make for an interesting trip.

V/R
ID

Hope this trip goes well. Don't leave her waiting too long though as she is bound to have read about this and though anticipation is good it sounds like Karin needs action.

Good luck guys hope you turn the corner soon.

[Ozme52]

Oz..yes...but He prefers to 'set the stage' so to speak...so again, its not something that we are much interested in. He will often make me wait in another room while he prepares the play area...He enjoys setting the scene himself...good idea, just not for us! ~hugs~

learning: will keep you posted ~L~ kinda squirmy thinking about it...*constantly*

Never karin?

Dawg? Never? Even for the gift of a role play that you can just step into and improvise without forethought? Never is such a huge word.

[karin]

didn't say 'never'....simply...just not for us! not everything..is for everyone, correct? a) it doesn't sound like fun to either of us b) *repeating* He prefers....enjoys...insists...on setting the scene for play. its a turn-on for Him to prepare the setting.

so again...good idea..just not for us

[_ID_]

Dawg? Never? Even for the gift of a role play that you can just step into and improvise without forethought? Never is such a huge word

When karin and I play, I do all the ambiance (music, lighting, accessories). When we go out to dinner, she knows what I prefer to have, and can order for me, but I don't prefer that, I prefer to think for myself, make my own choices.

The idea that was presented held zero appeal to me. I am not interested in the situation that was suggested.

The idea of improvising without forethought is not something I would enjoy. I enjoy deciding on the path, deciding on what will or will not be available to me for play, deciding on when or where.

So to your question. No, I would never choose to do the task that was suggested.

V/R
ID

[karin]

*shivers* ooooh...how forceful! *slinkin' into the bedroom..suddenly very turned on...stripping as i go..leaving articles of clothing in my wake*

[Talia]

Karin~

I've read through this thread and find the ideas given very interesting. Even those that do not "get your fansy".

You stated on the first page you don't really know WHAT it is that is impeding your relationship....or causing the down time of the relationship. Really all suggestions may help or may not. My thoughts, until you KNOW what is the center of your needs are, all these will be are suggestions that can be tried...

You have explored others thoughts and ideas, have you two tried a professional? There are counselors, phycologists that do specialize in D/s relationships....have you considered this possiblity.

I have read more of ID's posts than I have of yours and have always thought of him as a very intellegent gentleman. You seem very intelligent and sophiscated. I've notice also, he's a very technical person, where as you are more book oriented (lack of a better term).

Since he does like setting the scene, have you tried writing your desires down for him to set the stage?

I do feel the discontent in your writings, I am just not sure how we can help.

Good luck and wishing you the best

Talia

[karin]

thank you Talia for your time and thoughtful reply. we simply know what does not appeal to us. many of the suggestions offered are indeed something we will try. and some...are not. that is our prerogative of course..to pick and choose what we feel we would be interested in or not. all suggestions are and were welcomed, of course, or i'd not have aired our problem here to the world. we are talking. a lot. and with His upcoming vacation will be devoting the entire two weeks to 'us'. to explore..start back at ground zero perhaps. which was probably the most helpful suggestion of all. given privately. and it really made sense to us both. in answer to your question...no i have not written that down...about my desires for him setting the stage of scenes, simply because he does such an amazing job all on his own. He takes great pride, as do i, in His skills in that particular area. its not the scenes..the play...that are in question with us..its the daily small things that are lacking.

again thank you so much for your kind wishes...

[_ID_]

thank you Talia for your time and thoughtful reply. we simply know what does not appeal to us. many of the suggestions offered are indeed something we will try. and some...are not. that is our prerogative of course..to pick and choose what we feel we would be interested in or not. all suggestions are and were welcomed, of course, or i'd not have aired our problem here to the world. we are talking. a lot. and with His upcoming vacation will be devoting the entire two weeks to 'us'. to explore..start back at ground zero perhaps. which was probably the most helpful suggestion of all. given privately. and it really made sense to us both. in answer to your question...no i have not written that down...about my desires for him setting the stage of scenes, simply because he does such an amazing job all on his own. He takes great pride, as do i, in His skills in that particular area. its not the scenes..the play...that are in question with us..its the daily small things that are lacking.

again thank you so much for your kind wishes...

not being able to arrange the letters of the alphabet any better than what was done here.

I am going to just nod in complete agreement of what she said.

V/R
ID

[fantassy]

ID and Karin, I want to thank you for such an interesting thread, and for sharing with us. I shared it with my Dom and some of the things mentioned actually struck home with us. My Dom realized that he, like ID, tends to ask me what I think about trying a new idea, and your comment, Karin, made him realize, I too would rather have him just tryout the idea without asking me. So this thread has been a great talking point for us. Thank you. Oh, and if you'd like one more suggestion, my Dom thought you might enjoy something he used to do with one if his former subs - she acted as his chauffeur, driving him and opening his car door, just to remind her she served him and also to display her submission in a public, yet subtle way. (I did warn him I thought ID loved his engines too much to want to be chaufeured, lol).

fantassy

[_ID_]

fantassy - Thank you for the encouragement! I am glad you found this thread to be something you could use. It also helps brace up the idea that due to the level of care and concern one develops for another person. Showing that you value their concerns and thoughts can get in the way of the D/s part of things without even realizing it.

Additionally, you are correct about the chauffeur thing. One of the things I started when she and I first got together was that I would drive, I would open and close doors for her. She not being allowed to do it herself. So the same idea as your Dom, just reversed in application. I still do that to this day, but it doesn't hold the same value due to how I have let things become mundane.

Again, thanks for the warm thoughts!

V/R
ID

[Ruby]

Karin and ID,

Two weeks to get back to basics! What fun.

When I think about what you two are going through, and all the other couples out there that every now and then feel like they are missing some-zing, the Pina Coladas song pops into my brain.

http://www.lyricsandsongs.com/print_song/319410.html

When T and I hit a rocky bump in our marriage, we decided the best thing to do was start dating again. It has and still works wonders.

Enjoy your upcoming escape!

Ruby

[annie]

Karin and ID,

Two weeks to get back to basics! What fun.

When I think about what you two are going through, and all the other couples out there that every now and then feel like they are missing some-zing, the Pina Coladas song pops into my brain.

http://www.lyricsandsongs.com/print_song/319410.html

When T and I hit a rocky bump in our marriage, we decided the best thing to do was start dating again. It has and still works wonders.

Enjoy your upcoming escape!

Ruby

Ohhhhhh i love that song!

[ObeyMe]

Hmmmmmmmmm........

Well, I can see where this may cause some issues, although, I have no earth shattering wisdom, just be sure to keep your position in Mind ID, I personally dont have a list of things or micro manage, hardgirl is a very good girl, so shes very motivated to please.

I DO however at some point during the day, REMIND her of her position, mentally and physically, just the way I'll "ask" her to do something, walk up behind her make her stop what shes doing to accept My atten., etc...

I'm not into punishments, for instance, she dropped a pickle jar, spilled the juice all over, she cleaned it up, so what, I'm going to make her use a toothbrush on the toilet?

I WILL however address her attitude if I detect a disrespectful tone, leftovers from the nilla days lol, I love to see her demeanor change. I will at any time I choose bend her over, and take her, thus reminding her of her position.

So all I'm trying to convey, is, IMO, its alot of little things that keep this D/s relationship fresh, you dont need to make a big production, you DONT ALWAYS have to have an official play session, you DO need to remind, and reinforce what IS, and that is You are Master, she is slave.

ID, dont bullshit yourself with this I'm a mechanic crap, so am I, among other things, and it takes every bit as much intelligence to do that in most cases as any other career and more than many careers.

Assume your role, take from her what shes giving, herself, you'll both be happier!

[_ID_]

ID, dont bullshit yourself with this I'm a mechanic crap, so am I, among other things, and it takes every bit as much intelligence to do that in most cases as any other career and more than many careers.

Assume your role, take from her what shes giving, herself, you'll both be happier!

Thanks for the kind words. I appreciate your support!

ID

[karin]

well...to A/all of you who were supportive and offered your best advice and well wishes...in spite of our best efforts...i asked to be released from ID's collar this weekend. we will remain married....we make a great ozzie & harriet type married couple, in that we are best friends, and truly love and care for each other. we have simply realized that at this time...we are simply not D/s or BDSM compatible due to some circumstances that occurred previously. this was actually a mutual decision....based on long talks and much introspection about 'us' as a couple. i love ID with all my heart and soul as my husband. i am proud to be his wife.

now. having said that...we have also agreed to seek out options to fulfill our desires and lifestyle needs. we will, again...remain married and happily so...but we will seek others for our most banal wishes.

so ladies....i proudly present ID to you all..go easy on Him...He's got that short term memory thing going on...*chuckles*

and myself....*waves n flirts n wiggles n giggles n stuff...hoping Some nice hot Dominant will notice*

again thank you all for your kind support...

[_ID_]

I have never loved a woman more than I love karin. she is a most special person, and feel honored to have her as my wife. it has been a difficult road for us both for quite some time.

with that said, I would like to say I am ok with her seeking an online Dom, and that I intend to seek an online submissive. For each of us, meeting this online person for real is an open option, and ultimately is what the other seeks.

So Gents, I present to you one of the hottest submissives I know! Don't be gentle she doesn't like that.

ID

[master 327-834-200]

Good luck to you both. I followed this thread closely since the day I became aware of it, actually opened it because I confused it with random babblings, mostly because I empathised with the strong emotions involved when a close marriage goes through problems.

I hope you have both found a path to help you through this time and that it leads to where you want to be. I doubt I will be the last to add my best wishes to you both as you have been very brave to reveal your situation here on the site and I have been proud of the way this little community of ours reacted.

Good luck to you both.

[cariad]

ID and Karin, I read your posts with such mixed emotions. I shed an internal tear when I read that Karin had asked to be released from her collar, but then my heart soared as I read on.

All I can say, and all I wish to say, is that I wish you both every happiness in your marriage, and pray that any additional relationships which you find will serve will always strengthen and never weaken the bond between you.

cariad