Quote Originally Posted by drake7
I have a young friend who is relatively inexperienced sexually.


I suggested that perhaps it was his technique that was causing this lack of interest, he is nineteen and equally inexperienced, but she also said that most time she simply does not feel aroused at all. When I asked her about masturbation and her fantasies she then told me that the fantasies she has all have to do with her being in control and "throwing him around" as she put it.


Drake.

Drake.... I'm not a Domme... in fact i'm a submissive male, but I wonder if some of the feelings she's having is the same as mine, but on the other side of the fence.

I suspect, she's a hardwired kinkyperson, meaning she's known for a very very long time (often pre puberty) that sexually her likes are different from others around her. She's probably not interested in BDSM just for the "fun" but needs to live this lifestyle because it's her sexual orientation, not her preference or choice.

I describe myself as hardwired, and although it may be different for all kinds of people, I too fine no satisfaction in vanilla sex. Sure it feels good, but so does a footrub, and I'd probably rather have that. In/out, repeat isn't something that occupies my mind. If you can flavour sex with a bdsm tone, then that subtle change is what makes sex exciting for me. Still, my favourite activity is oral. I'd give oral over sex any day. The thrill that vanilla people get from thinking of regular sex, happens with me, if say a Domme told me to kneel and pleasure myself for her.

I've had vanilla people tell me that lack in desire for sex (in out repeat) is a phsychological problem, and I should seek help for it. The thing is, we don't define sex the same way vanilla folk do, our idea is different. Sex for your friend, may be having a boy on his knees in front of her, smacking him around a little, and griding to an amazing orgasm on his face, with her hands tightly clenched on either side of his head.

So you see, it may be a compatibility problem, and not a sexual problem, in which case it's not a problem at all... she just needs to be with the right sexual partner.

Good luck!

bent