I have just found this post and it rings so many bells with me. I would love to add my thoughts and feelings as I am in a situation like yours. A mis-match of sexual needs is one of the hardest problems to overcome.

I started my relationship with my wife thinking that the more we got to know each other the easier it would be to overcome these differences. After all we loved each other, had so much in common and had time on our side. But the truth is that I deceived myself and should have been stronger earlier for both our sakes. After a great deal of counselling and soul searching I started to realise that this was always going to make me unhappy and my unhappiness would always then be a barrier between us.

I doubt my words give you any encouragement and I am not sure that being in the midst of sorting this out for myself I would be a good person to advise you but I can say that I know exactly how you feel and the way you are torn between conflicting emotions. What I always struggled with and therefore suppressed was a feeling that to give in to these sexual urges must make me weak and less of a loving husband. I now realise that I was not in any way a freak and that we all have our differing needs. I would gladly join you in this thread to converse and share experiences if you just want to talk with someone who is going through these things.