Quote Originally Posted by sugeneg
Hil

It sounds very much to me as if your boyfriend, do you not identify him as your Master, may not be treating you as harshly as you would like because he has an emotional attachment to you. Dom's can sometimes wage a little war with themselves when they have deep feelings for their subs. (eg. I love this girl so how can I hurt her so).

What you have to do is to show him that it is a deepseated need of yours to be treated this way. That your desire to be dominated and degraded so deeply comes from within yourself not from any external source he may not trust. You have to trust him and his judgement during a scene so talk to him and trust to his judgement in this.

It also sounds like you need a little more discipline. Do not forget that you are the submissive in the relationship. You should not be pushing or demanding things of your Dom. That is not to say that you cannot talk to him but you should not be demanding harsher treatment. If he can recognise your need and is willing to provide it then I hope for your sake he will.

There are so many maybes in a situation like this. Maybe he thinks you are going a little too fast, and 8 months is very fast to go from a virgin to a harsh BDSM lifestyle. Maybe he simply is not into the harsher side of things, there are as many different levels of BDSM as there are Doms and subs - remember just because someone can tell stories about something or fantasise about something does not mean that they are capable or even willing to do those things in reality.

So my advice would be to talk with your Dom, about your relationship, your limits, his reluctance, your rapid blossoming, your needs, his needs and many other things besides. But remember to be respectful of his needs and feelings - men have them too you know. You would never believe how quickly a man can turn into a rock when he thinks he is being forced into doing something or manipulated by a woman, even more so on our lifestyle.

And remember the three most important things for a sub to develop for her Dom are obedience, respect and honesty. You should not keep secrets from your Dom. He may be (there are those maybes again) picking up on some small signals you are giving him and his trust of you has diminished. Most Doms would never push their subs into a harsh situation if they did not fully trust them. He needs to be able to trust you and your reactions and responses so he can safely gauge the situation. Your Dom should be in control and to be in control successfully he needs all the information.

My personal opinion is that you need more training before starting down that golden road into harsh BDSM, though it seems you've already started. It is very easy to start down that road but very hard to stop or return once a certain point is reached. I hope everything works out for you and would love to hear how it goes. But try to read as much as you can and get as many opinions as you can. I think the opinion of a longterm sub would be invaluable to you.

Jason

PS. You're not the only one who gets carried away typing.

PPS. I am intrigued to know how old you are.
I had written a long reply to this, BUT the computer timed me out or something & I lost it all.

So to sum it up, I see what you are saying & will take it to consideration.

Thanks.