Surrendering via Total Power Exchange

[Pandora's Box]

My problem is that in the vanilla world I am a strong, capable, and independent,but that is not who i want to be. I have found this lifestyle a little more than a year ago and have enjoyed learning as much as I have so far, but because of who i am in the vanilla world, it is hard for me to make the transition in my private life. I need to understand how to surrender, submit totaly. I am viewed as difficult becasue of this.
Who I am in the vanilla world does not sit well with true dominate men. I am in a realtionship and was given the task to find this out about "surrendering via TPE" before i can continue in the relationship.
I also know that if i do not find this out in time (there is a deadline) that this will help in any future relationship.
Does this help clarify what i need to learn?

Yes I can completely understand. Granted I am not interested in TPE, and most especially not of the 24/7 variety, but you are facing the same type of dilemma anyone does when they try to grasp their submissive natures.

I've dealt with the milder desires of my submissive tendencies. I have some extreme thoughts I'm not quite ready to embrace yet, but I'm giving myself the gift of time in that regards.

It was very hard for me to set aside all the teachings from society. Be strong, be independent, control your own destiny, be in charge. Be be be. The messages are always there. For me personally, it came down to a few things.

The first and hardest was a simple matter of habit. When you walk in the door from a day's work, it's hard to let go. And even when you try to, certain learned behaviors and reactions kick in. Sometimes subconciously, sometimes not - i.e. actively in disagreement.

Time, practice, patience helps in dealing with that. Also, defining exactly what it was that I could and could not expect from myself at this time and taking it one step at a time. Although I had discovered what I am and what I want, it didn't and doesn't mean that I can just do it right off the bat.

It also helped me to compartmentalize things a bit. This is me at work. This is me not at work. (Truth be told, although I'm highly effective, I've really actually come to like the "not at work me" better.) It's not like I divided my personality, just put a bit of space between certain aspects of it.

Lastly... I focused on my desires. What I really want and what makes me happy. Those are like beacons to me. And I'm finding, as I continue on, that my submissive desires don't have to be at odds with any professional life I have. Although I did change career paths. But even then... that wasn't because of d/s - it was because I got laid off. I do wonder though, now that I've mentioned it, if my discoveries of my submissive self didn't influence what I chose to go into.

I hope this helps, my apologies if I've prattled on endlessly for nothing.

Good luck!