Pointing out the wolves to the sheep ~ Opinions please

[Pandora's Box]

I'm hoping I can get some input here as I am in a bit of a quandary. I have a net acquaintance. She's in a circle of other net friends and acquaintances. I don't know her that well and have only talked with her a few times.

Basically, in a nutshell, she is displaying many of the characteristics of a woman fucking up her life with men because she doesn't know she is a subbie. She has had a two year long drama being involved with a man that treats her like a whore. She likes it too. But, the issue is that there is no... control over the situation like there is in bdsm, obviously. As you can guess, he is less than respectful towards her.

Now I'll admit, that much of what I am going on is gut feelings here. I have no substantial proof or any knowledge that she has submissive desires. But then I don't think she really knows she has them either. Or that they have a name. But I do know that I've seen this too damn many times. A very nice eager to please gal that thrives on attention is letting herself fall prey to a host of predatory bastards because she hasn't drawn her lines in the sand.

In any case, my question is, how would you, or even would you, introduce the idea of bdsm to her?

(And of course to complicate this, she nor the vast majority of the group of net friends know anything of my particular proclivities.)

[allalone46]

If in doubt ask her if she knows about BDSM. As for what you have said about what you believe that the man in her life is putting her out on her back. (trying to be nice here) Again ask it is a risk and it my loss you a friend, and the worst is she will be subjecting herself to the life she is already in but, if I read it right what you are saying than this person sound like someone in need of help. If you see someone drowning you try to save them, but you can't always save everyone. All that can be asked is that you try. Good luck. And please keep me informed. I'll try to help if I can.

[BDSM_Tourguide]

I think I would introduce her to a therapist first, and maybe BDSM later.

A woman living a two year long relationship with a man that treats her like a whore that isn't in a BDSM relationship sounds like a woman with low self-esteem and possible abuse issues to me.

I don't think the questions I would ask her would be about BDSM, but instead about how he treats her and why she lets him do it.

At least these are my first thoughts based on the information you have given me.

[Pandora's Box]

Yes I had similar thoughts myself TG. And she has already been advised in that manner. She isn't the most willing about it though.

She does have self esteem issues. Much of which was caused by her interaction with men for the past 4 years. She chooses poorly for one. And when she does come up with a gem, she sabotages it by going back to this shmuck.

It's not like she has a weak personality either. But after witnessing this for several months, something tells me that she likes being treated like a whore. Which is fine if she didn't have to deal with the emotional abuse to "get her fix".

[Barton]

I have known several women like her over the years. They are drawn like a moth to the flame, to an abusive guy. Talking usually does not work, they need a real self awakening. If she tries therapy with the right professional and sticks with it she has a chance to break her dependency. Without professional help the chances are slim. You can only show her the way, she has to do the walking.

Barton.